IS IT Better late Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 It's been a few weeks since I last posted on here. Interesting developments since then. You can find my story in previous posts. So after 4-months apart from a 5-month relationship she warms up and agrees to meet up. We met up twice and had a great time both times, we picked up where we left off. Our chemistry is still intact. It feels really good to have her around again but the downside is I'm not sure where this goes? I don't know what she's thinking or looking for? Does she want a relationship again or just kind of hooking up with me? Another thing that troubles me is her rationale for ending things the last time is filled with flaws in my opinion. Lots of excuses but nothing really makes a ton of sense from my point of view. I'm just trying to play this out as cool as I can and see where she wants to take this. I know I'm playing with fire as the potential to be hurt exists if she goes cold on me again. Anyone who's been in this situation and has sound advice please feel free to comment. I always value the opinions of folks on here. Even though the NC monsters on here will yell at me for giving into her breadcrumbs. But if I never responded to her "breadcrumbs" I may never had seen her again.
justletgo07 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 It's been a few weeks since I last posted on here. Interesting developments since then. You can find my story in previous posts. So after 4-months apart from a 5-month relationship she warms up and agrees to meet up. We met up twice and had a great time both times, we picked up where we left off. Our chemistry is still intact. It feels really good to have her around again but the downside is I'm not sure where this goes? I don't know what she's thinking or looking for? Does she want a relationship again or just kind of hooking up with me? Another thing that troubles me is her rationale for ending things the last time is filled with flaws in my opinion. Lots of excuses but nothing really makes a ton of sense from my point of view. I'm just trying to play this out as cool as I can and see where she wants to take this. I know I'm playing with fire as the potential to be hurt exists if she goes cold on me again. Anyone who's been in this situation and has sound advice please feel free to comment. I always value the opinions of folks on here. Even though the NC monsters on here will yell at me for giving into her breadcrumbs. But if I never responded to her "breadcrumbs" I may never had seen her again. I hope you won't consider me an NC monster, but I do agree that you're playing with fire. I know how tempting it is, and I've definitely been there. My only suggestion would be this: Set some personal boundaries for things you will not do with her unless there is commitment. If she can get everything without the commitment, she likely will, or at the very least, will respect you less for giving it all to her without anything on her part. If things feel fragile/volatile, they likely are. Guard your heart and play things as safe as possible. Her excuses for breaking up with you (if they were just excuses) suggest that she was bored and/or her feelings had changed.
Author IS IT Better late Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Justletgo, Thanks for the input! "My only suggestion would be this: Set some personal boundaries for things you will not do with her unless there is commitment. If she can get everything without the commitment, she likely will, or at the very least, will respect you less for giving it all to her without anything on her part" What kind of boundaries? Can you elaborate? "Her excuses for breaking up with you (if they were just excuses) suggest that she was bored and/or her feelings had changed" I think you're a 100% right. She felt like she had me and stopped putting effort to win me over. I recently spoke to someone who said it sounds like she's addicted to the chase. And when the chase ended she went cold. It's strange that their might be people out there that aren't really looking for great relationships but rather the excitement and challenge of getting someone interested in them and then once that's achieved they lose interest. I'm not sure what the deal is with this girl yet but in time she will reveal her true colors and intentions and I will take it or leave it?
justletgo07 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 What kind of boundaries? Can you elaborate? Well, for starters, some physical boundaries would be good to have. Not sure how you were in your relationship, but however far you went while together, I would not do so now, until commitment is re-established. Some people will claim that only guys care that much about sex or seek out FWB or booty calls, but women can and do do those exact same things, especially with exes. From personal experience, it feels pretty awful when you find yourself there. I would also limit your availability, and your willingness to bend over backwards for her when you're not together. Those are things you do with someone you are in a relationship with. Never forget that she decided to walk away, and that so far she hasn't shown that she has changed her mind on that decision. Just best to frequently check yourself. Just be prepared for your new interaction, and even your ongoing chemistry, to do the opposite of what you're hoping: Reminding her that she did, in fact, make the right decision in breaking up with you. 1
lamaga Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I am in a similar situation. Was with my ex for a year, broke up 5 months ago and recently met for breakfast for the first time since breakup and ended up ... going on a few dates with him and being romantic and intimate. It was very intense. I still can't tell if it is the right or wrong thing to do, all I know is that when we are together everything feels right. I feel like I am acting on emotions only, and I've been thinking about this a lot.. Especially in the past two weeks that I haven't seen him (he is in South America for 3 weeks for work).. and I just came to the conclusion that I need to go with the flow. Boundaries aside, you must do what feels right, I think. At least that is what I am doing. WHen you are with her and something feels off, it most likely is off and will only get worse.. I will see my ex again next week and he said he will want to go to the movies - something that, in our relationship, was 'our thing', and I am a bit scared of how it will be, but also excited. Oh, by the way, maybe I should add, the difference to your case is, that him and me actually talked about this and we BOTH decided that we wont go down the same road again and will take things slow... (one of the reasons for the break up was that we rushed into things pretty quickly and didnt give the relationship the healthy time it needed to develop naturally). Maybe you should speak up to her and ask her what she expects from this? Then you can still think about it some more and prepare for what you will say you want from her.
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