Is a breakup coming or is there more to it?

[ps123]

I posted about this a while back, but some more things are confusing me. Basically, I've been dating someone about 3 months. Things are ok. We get along good, never fight or argue, have a lot in common, sex is good, etc. We could both be better communicators, but I'm working on that.

 

Lately (the last few weeks) she's become distant and withdrawn. We actually haven't even spoken in like 5 days. She didn't return my call from a few days ago and didn't call me when she said she would a few days earlier. She's also not been making time for us to do things as much. Normally, Id see this as her leading up to ending things, but I'm not sure this time. The thing I'm having a hard time figuring out is whether its a breakup coming, or its what she's got going on in her life (and it's a lot).

 

As far as her life, she's working 60+ hours a week for starters. Her mom is having some health problems which I found out are more than likely very serious. They're still running tests, but chances are pretty high that its life threatening and may be incurable with a short life expectancy. She's not on good terms with her father so if her mom goes, the relationship with her father will be even harder. She also has some other serious issue involving legal things that she hasn't told me about yet. I know its going on because she's told me bits of it, but she doesn't want to give me all the details yet, and I know this is also stressing her out.

 

So, needless to say, she's pretty overwhelmed and stressed. On top of that, I've started to see some pretty significant signs that she's depressed also. I've been trying to be supportive and show my concern for her, but she's also got trust issues and isn't letting me in much. When we were together last time, she seemed especially withdrawn and distant towards me. I mentioned it towards the end of the night and asked if it had anything to do with us. She looked surprised and said no, everything is fine. I guess Id trust her to tell me if things weren't ok.

 

So, my question is, do you think she's setting things up to end things, or is she just so overwhelmed with things that she's just not able to keep up with things. I really want to be supportive in any way I can, but its hard because she wont admit that she's hurting and wont talk to me about these things. Any advice on how to be supportive when the person wont let you in? I'm always telling her I'm there if she wants to talk and ask how's she's doing a lot. She always just says I'm ok. I also know that a new relationship can also be stressful and I don't want to just be an added burden. I'm giving her some space which is hard for me to do, but I like her enough to back off if that will help.

 

I know this post comes off as somewhat insensitive and like I'm only thinking of myself, but believe me, I'm not. I'm very concerned for her. In fact, if she is planning on ending things, I'm still going to stress that I'm there for her if she needs it. I care for her a lot and it makes me incredibly sad when I think of all the things shes going through.

After re-reading this post I think I can answer my own question and say she's overwhelmed, but I guess I wanted other people's opinions and any advice on how to help her out. I also know that there may come a point that she's so overwhelmed that she may need to end the relationship because it may be an added stressor. Its the last thing in the world I want ot happen, but if it comes to this and it will help her deal with everything better, Id let her go with my full support.

 

Thanks for reading

[DJ_Dork]

I hate reading long posts.

 

She could be depressed/stressed out at the moment. And you trying to grab her attention may add to that extra stress. I'd just back off and wait for her to come to you.

[ps123]

Yeah, thats pretty much what Ive been doing. Only called once between Thursday and today. I just want to know if shes ok and whats going on . Guess I'll keep waiting and hope I hear back soon. Im horrible at living with ambiguity though. Oh well.

[GuyMontag]

I feel for you. I am having the same issues in my relationship (I feel like she really doesn't have time for me). We have talked about it and she said that she doesn't want to break up, but she continues to be distant. I really, really like this girl. So I guess the issue that you have to weigh is should you wait it out or break it off. I have been thinking about that issue for the past three weeks. How do you feel it will go if you stay together? How about if you break it off?

 

Good luck

[ps123]

Im not sure if things will be any better if we continue to date. I know it would be hard if it ended, but at least then Id know what was going on and could move on.

 

Im not planning on ending things but depeding on what all this means, she might already be ending it so it might not be up to me anyways. Im willing to wait if she just needs some space.

 

I guess at this point, the worst part is just not knowing whats going on.

[Huntr777]

I'm kind of going through the same thing myself, if I were you, I'd back off a bit...now what are you going to do with all your extra time that you would be sitting home and thinking of her? Simple. Go out, see some friends, have some "YOU" time...you know, stuff that she didn't like to do you with you (pro wrestling, car shows, you fill in the blank here). I'm not saying forget about her, just don't sit around growing mold on yourself (believe me, I've been there and it sucks). Maybe even look up an old girlfriend and say hello just for fun (nothing else). I guess what I'm saying is don't stew in your own juices.

 

Hunter

[ps123]

I got my answer this afternoon. All Im going to say is that her behavior had nothing to do with her fu**ed up life. She was with another guy. I know almost for sure. I'll know on Friday for absolute sure but the doctor (yes the doctor) was almost positive that my symptoms are a venereal disease. I get the lab results back tomorrow or Friday. That all Im capable of typing right now.