whitneyrose Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 First of all, hi...I'm new here. Nice to meet you all I am feeling kinda scummy over this guy I met online. I had to break it off with him this morning because I wasn't feeling his vibe and stuff about him kind of gave me pause when I met him in person. The story is, I've been single for over a year. I have a daughter and she is my main priority, it's just me and her and I am alright with that but everyone gets lonely after a while so I decided to try a dating site to see what's going on out there. A guy I met on there seemed like he was really sweet and very into me from the get go. With literally just my pictures and the supplemental info I had on my profile. At first I was like kind of skeptical because when I say he was into me I mean he was already talking about looking at houses with me after never meeting me and chatting for a couple days. This kind of set off warning bells inside for me because that is not my idea of a normal thing to say after chatting with a complete stranger for a day or two. I asked his name shortly after we began talking, and it just happened that he has the same name as my stepdad. I can't have two people with the same name in my phone because that is sort of confusing so I politely asked what his last name was so I could put an initial after his name in my phone so I could tell the two apart easier. He immediately came back with asking me why I would need his last name and if that was ALL I needed it for. I responded with a yes and it sent him off into a spiel about his past. In the past, he says, his ex girlfriend/baby mama has made his life hell to the point of sending him to jail for a night because of a purported domestic feud going on that she called the police over. He has a child with this woman whom he told me he hadn't seen in a year and never said why. Then he said part of the reason she made his life hell was because he contracted an STD while overseas (he is in the army). He also admitted to having sex with a couple girls and not telling them he had herpes until after the deed was done. Despite all this weird disturbing stuff he said to me, I like to think I am an accepting person and I don't like to judge others for their past just like I would want others to show me the same consideration. After saying thank you for his honesty and telling me up front, he seemed to think things were automatically more serious and asked me to drive an hour and a half to see him, instead of him coming to me since I'M the one with my child here full time. I told him no and he got very butthurt. Then the next day I was doing laundry at the laundromat here in town and he called and said he and his mom & stepdad were coming through town and he would like to stop and say hi. I said sure since we were in a public place and people were around. He stopped by and I could tell right off the bat that dude was borderline bat**** nuts. He was bouncing off the wall hyper and working a piece of gum so hard his jaw looked like it was going to unhinge and fall off. He also had what I call 'crazy eyes'. I'd explain what I mean by this but this is long enough already. So we talked and I noticed my body language went to that of crossing my arms and messing with my phone because even him looking at me (like a piece of meat) made me so uncomfortable. Even with his mother there he was making sexual innuendos towards me. My daughter did NOT like him. He tried to play with her and she shied away from him and wouldn't let him touch her. My child is NOTHING like that with anyone else. She is very bubbly and outgoing and stood behind me trying to hide the whole time. After seeing that I got even more uncomfortable and said we were going to be leaving soon, and I'm sorry we couldn't have stayed longer. He continuously asked me when I worked and asked if I was driving over to see him the next weekend. Notice it is always ME coming to see HIM. I told him maybe and that we needed to go to finish some other stuff before it got dark. He had the balls to question me about what I was gonna do and with who. I don't feel like I owe his ass an explanation so I just gave him general vague answers. They finally left and I texted him telling him it was nice to meet him and his family. He doesn't say anything back until 3 hours later asking me why I hadn't texted him more. By that point I just said I didn't think this was going to work out. I also said he was not my type, to be honest. He said the standard 'ok' and 'no hard feelings' but he told me he has been suicidal int he past and this freaks me out. He doesn't know where I live thank god but he is very strange to me. He hasn't tried to text me back so that's a relief but I'm still scared sort of. I wish I could explain better why he freaked me out so badly but I can't with typing it out. So am I an *******? Did I do the right thing? I feel relief knowing I won't have to see him again but I feel like an ass. Sorry about this long novel of a post. Just a lot of stuff I needed to get off my chest.
tricolors Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You're seriously asking if you did the right thing? You should have never agreed to meet him after he made some comment about looking for houses with you. And he has herpes to boot, which he contracted overseas, most likely signaling he was having unprotected sex there? Why did you meet this guy, exactly?
Author whitneyrose Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Yeah, I try to be a nice person and the ONLY reason I let him meet me in person was because we were out in public and he had his mom and grandma with him. I thought I was kind of jumping to conclusions about it or something and maybe being too skeptical? Idfk He said he wasn't doing that, he told me he got it 'at the gym from a cut he had on his hand'
Drseussgrrl Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 This dude brought his mom and his grandmother along on a first meet at a laundromat? AND you met him after he told you he knowingly spreads herpes?! Honey is it THAT hard up where you're at? Sometimes I can't believe what I read! 1
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Sounds like you met a grade A nutter. Congrats, you're sure to cross more. In the future do not meet with someone that comes off that strong and crazy. Yes you made the right decision to run... run faster next time. 2
Author whitneyrose Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Plus, I was not at all planning on ever sleeping with this dude after he said that comment about looking for houses. He seemed sincere about meeting me to see what I'm like and honestly, I'm glad I did it instead of him coming tot he place I live to meet me if that ever happened.
Author whitneyrose Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Not that it's extremely hard up and I'm not THAT desperate lol it was like literally ten minutes and then we were out of there.
Toddbt12y1 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 This Guy is incredibly nuts! You indeed did the right thing. His shady nature over his last name...makes me think of a person not wanting to be searched up. If you look into him, like clerk records at your county office website...he'll probably have a record(much more disturbing than what he told you). Anyone would be put off by his crap. Who asks a stranger about buying a house together? Total creep. It is a good thing that you never had him meet you. He could have done something...maybe stalked you home. Found out where it is you live at. Put your daughter at risk. It is likewise a good thing you've never went to his place. With all the killing or capture/rape/abuse of these poor women...you definitely don't want to end up like them. OLD is full of nuts...full of one night standers....and rarely a good and decent person. I'm glad you minded the signs. You did excellent! Good call! 1
tricolors Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Yeah, I try to be a nice person and the ONLY reason I let him meet me in person was because we were out in public and he had his mom and grandma with him. I thought I was kind of jumping to conclusions about it or something and maybe being too skeptical? Idfk He said he wasn't doing that, he told me he got it 'at the gym from a cut he had on his hand' He did not get herpes from a cut on his hand at the gym, sorry. It's virtually impossible. He's lying. 4
Author whitneyrose Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I didn't really post this as much for advice as I did for a warning to others that there are some nutty mofos out there and to be careful about stuff. NEVER have people meet you at your residence or go to theirs alone. Etc etc. 1
will1988 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Is this for real? this must be a trolllllllll! If not, OP you did the wrong thing. First off, you should've never introduced your daughter to someone you had a feeling was crazy. Second, why on earth did you agree to meet him, are you honestly that desperate (not to be mean)? However, you did the right thing by ending it I suppose. Should never have happened in the first place though. Next time you should trust your gut.
petall Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Whatever you do, do not engage in anything more with him. If he calls, texts, emails - complete silence. I got the shivers reading your post! 2
tricolors Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I didn't really post this as much for advice as I did for a warning to others that there are some nutty mofos out there and to be careful about stuff. NEVER have people meet you at your residence or go to theirs alone. Etc etc. Actually, this kind of thing gets posted quite a bit here. Specifically, I've seen numerous cases where women have stated men have talked about buying houses or moving in with them before they've even met in person before. Thankfully I've never used it, but OLD, from what I've read here, is in fact full of insane, weird people. 2
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You're seriously asking if you did the right thing? You should have never agreed to meet him after he made some comment about looking for houses with you. And he has herpes to boot, which he contracted overseas, most likely signaling he was having unprotected sex there? Why did you meet this guy, exactly? Condoms don't protect against herpes. Doesn't necessarily mean he had unprotected sex. The girls are just as much at fault. And yes, the guy is a whack job. 1
Author whitneyrose Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 No, not a troll. Thanks for the warm welcome though! Honestly, you know how someone can seem genuinely nice and then you meet them and they strike you as weird? That's kind of what it was like. I have never met anyone I met online until yesterday and that was literally the first and last time. If it was him alone I would have absolutely NOT let him say hi to me let alone with my child anywhere in the vicinity. If I hadn't wanted to believe the best in people I wouldn't have talked to him at all. But it was an obviously big error in judgement that I had that won't be repeated. 1
TigerCub Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Condoms don't protect against herpes. Doesn't necessarily mean he had unprotected sex. The girls are just as much at fault. And yes, the guy is a whack job. How are the girls at fault. You said it yourself, condoms don't protect against herpes - so how are the girls at fault. He was the one that didn't disclose that he was diseased.
TigerCub Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 First of all, hi...I'm new here. Nice to meet you all I am feeling kinda scummy over this guy I met online. I had to break it off with him this morning because I wasn't feeling his vibe and stuff about him kind of gave me pause when I met him in person. The story is, I've been single for over a year. I have a daughter and she is my main priority, it's just me and her and I am alright with that but everyone gets lonely after a while so I decided to try a dating site to see what's going on out there. A guy I met on there seemed like he was really sweet and very into me from the get go. With literally just my pictures and the supplemental info I had on my profile. At first I was like kind of skeptical because when I say he was into me I mean he was already talking about looking at houses with me after never meeting me and chatting for a couple days. This kind of set off warning bells inside for me because that is not my idea of a normal thing to say after chatting with a complete stranger for a day or two. I asked his name shortly after we began talking, and it just happened that he has the same name as my stepdad. I can't have two people with the same name in my phone because that is sort of confusing so I politely asked what his last name was so I could put an initial after his name in my phone so I could tell the two apart easier. He immediately came back with asking me why I would need his last name and if that was ALL I needed it for. I responded with a yes and it sent him off into a spiel about his past. In the past, he says, his ex girlfriend/baby mama has made his life hell to the point of sending him to jail for a night because of a purported domestic feud going on that she called the police over. He has a child with this woman whom he told me he hadn't seen in a year and never said why. Then he said part of the reason she made his life hell was because he contracted an STD while overseas (he is in the army). He also admitted to having sex with a couple girls and not telling them he had herpes until after the deed was done. Despite all this weird disturbing stuff he said to me, I like to think I am an accepting person and I don't like to judge others for their past just like I would want others to show me the same consideration. After saying thank you for his honesty and telling me up front, he seemed to think things were automatically more serious and asked me to drive an hour and a half to see him, instead of him coming to me since I'M the one with my child here full time. I told him no and he got very butthurt. Then the next day I was doing laundry at the laundromat here in town and he called and said he and his mom & stepdad were coming through town and he would like to stop and say hi. I said sure since we were in a public place and people were around. He stopped by and I could tell right off the bat that dude was borderline bat**** nuts. He was bouncing off the wall hyper and working a piece of gum so hard his jaw looked like it was going to unhinge and fall off. He also had what I call 'crazy eyes'. I'd explain what I mean by this but this is long enough already. So we talked and I noticed my body language went to that of crossing my arms and messing with my phone because even him looking at me (like a piece of meat) made me so uncomfortable. Even with his mother there he was making sexual innuendos towards me. My daughter did NOT like him. He tried to play with her and she shied away from him and wouldn't let him touch her. My child is NOTHING like that with anyone else. She is very bubbly and outgoing and stood behind me trying to hide the whole time. After seeing that I got even more uncomfortable and said we were going to be leaving soon, and I'm sorry we couldn't have stayed longer. He continuously asked me when I worked and asked if I was driving over to see him the next weekend. Notice it is always ME coming to see HIM. I told him maybe and that we needed to go to finish some other stuff before it got dark. He had the balls to question me about what I was gonna do and with who. I don't feel like I owe his ass an explanation so I just gave him general vague answers. They finally left and I texted him telling him it was nice to meet him and his family. He doesn't say anything back until 3 hours later asking me why I hadn't texted him more. By that point I just said I didn't think this was going to work out. I also said he was not my type, to be honest. He said the standard 'ok' and 'no hard feelings' but he told me he has been suicidal int he past and this freaks me out. He doesn't know where I live thank god but he is very strange to me. He hasn't tried to text me back so that's a relief but I'm still scared sort of. I wish I could explain better why he freaked me out so badly but I can't with typing it out. So am I an *******? Did I do the right thing? I feel relief knowing I won't have to see him again but I feel like an ass. Sorry about this long novel of a post. Just a lot of stuff I needed to get off my chest. The part in bold is the best "ok, I understand if you wanna break up...oh and by the way, I'm suicidal, yeah...ok have a great day - don't feel bad for me AT ALL!!!" Talk about manipulative. Block his number. 1
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 How are the girls at fault. You said it yourself, condoms don't protect against herpes - so how are the girls at fault. He was the one that didn't disclose that he was diseased. Yes, but they had casual sex. When you have casual sex, you're taking a risk. And women are more prone to STDs. Don't kids pay attention during sex ed? 1
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I think you did the wrong thing in even continuing to talk to him let alone meeting up with him after he told you about the domestic violence and having sex with multiple women while having herpes and not telling them. What were you thinking??? And then after you meet him and he's all crazy and making you uncomfortable, you text him that it was nice to meet him? Why??!! It wasn't nice to meet him at all!!! This sounds like very desperate and doormat behavior on your part. 1
TigerCub Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Yes, but they had casual sex. When you have casual sex, you're taking a risk. And women are more prone to STDs. Don't kids pay attention during sex ed? I get what you're saying, and it is true, but saying "The girls are just as much at fault." isn't completely fair, because he is way more at fault for being a dirt bag that is diseased and couldn't care less about infecting others. ..but I think we are pretty much agreeing on the dangers of casual sex with strangers.
TigerCub Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I think you did the wrong thing in even continuing to talk to him let alone meeting up with him after he told you about the domestic violence and having sex with multiple women while having herpes and not telling them. What were you thinking??? And then after you meet him and he's all crazy and making you uncomfortable, you text him that it was nice to meet him? Why??!! It wasn't nice to meet him at all!!! This sounds like very desperate and doormat behavior on your part. I don't mean to answer for OP, but I get the impression that she's afraid of him, so I guess she probably wanted to end it on a nicer note (just in case) but I totally get what you're saying SG.
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I get what you're saying, and it is true, but saying "The girls are just as much at fault." isn't completely fair, because he is way more at fault for being a dirt bag that is diseased and couldn't care less about infecting others. ..but I think we are pretty much agreeing on the dangers of casual sex with strangers. When you're playing borderline Russian roulette with your health and know the risks, you are just as much at fault. No doubt he's a dirtbag, but so are the ones having casual sex with him. Let's say they caught herpes from him. How do you explain that to a future boyfriend?
Drseussgrrl Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 When you're playing borderline Russian roulette with your health and know the risks, you are just as much at fault. No doubt he's a dirtbag, but so are the ones having casual sex with him. Let's say they caught herpes from him. How do you explain that to a future boyfriend? If he KNOWS he has herpes and chooses not to disclose this information upfront, yes he is at fault. People have been criminally charged for not disclosing things like HIV to partners. So it seems the law sees it that way, too. Wrap it up folks.
BluEyeL Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I think you did the wrong thing in even continuing to talk to him let alone meeting up with him after he told you about the domestic violence and having sex with multiple women while having herpes and not telling them. What were you thinking??? And then after you meet him and he's all crazy and making you uncomfortable, you text him that it was nice to meet him? Why??!! It wasn't nice to meet him at all!!! This sounds like very desperate and doormat behavior on your part. I think she's just inexperienced.
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