nerdlingZA Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 My Ex inboxed me with "hi how you doing" I've been thinking , if I don't answer her I'll look like I'm still holding grudges , if I answer her in a Cold manner "fine" I'll look like I'm over her ? What should I do ?
Confused_Soul_23 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 How long is it since you last spoke? How long have you been split up? I would say if it has been a while and you haven't spoke then she is just checking in on you. Probably curious as to what you are doing if you have completely vanished. I would just ignore her and see if she tries contacting you again.
JDPT Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 No need to reply, delete the message and remain NC. You may create yourself more wounds. If you are looking to move forward remain strong and in control and do not reply to the message. 1
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Dude, she broke up with you. Therefore, she made a choice to have you out of her life. I mean, in one of your threads, didn't you see her get into a taxi with her new boyfriend or something like that? She already has someone else. Therefore, she has no reason to contact you. And after she broke it off with you, didn't you spend a large amount of time trying to contact her? Now, she contacts you and she expects you to drop everything and talk to her? Don't respond, delete it and go about your merry way. 3
youngnlove89 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Remember silences speaks louder. It doesn't matter what they think anymore. You aren't together. You don't need a valid excuse for crap. You do what you think is right, do what is right for YOU, not them.
Author nerdlingZA Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 How long is it since you last spoke? How long have you been split up? I would say if it has been a while and you haven't spoke then she is just checking in on you. Probably curious as to what you are doing if you have completely vanished. I would just ignore her and see if she tries contacting you again. We have been apart for 8months now , & yeah I also think I shouldn't Reply but I miss her
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 We have been apart for 8months now , & yeah I also think I shouldn't Reply but I miss her And THAT'S exactly why you don't break NC. You're not at a point of healing where when you think about her; all you feel is indifferent, you're not there yet. 1
xilver Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 We have been apart for 8months now , & yeah I also think I shouldn't Reply but I miss her Dude if you miss her after 8 months, then you have nothing to lose by responding. It's not going to set you back any more than you already are. Answer her and tell her how you are doing in 1 sentence. Then ask her something and see how she responds.
JDPT Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 We have been apart for 8months now , & yeah I also think I shouldn't Reply but I miss her I miss the hell out of my ex as well. I too have weak moments but that's all they are weak moments that will pass and you feel free and proud that you did the right thing. 1
iouaname Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Do whatever you think is best for you. If you respond and you don't get what you're looking for out of the conversation, are you going to feel worse? I think that if you're at the stage where you still care what she thinks of you, then it might not be in your best interest to respond because you may get your hopes up for something that isn't going to happen.
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Dude if you miss her after 8 months, then you have nothing to lose by responding. It's not going to set you back any more than you already are. Answer her and tell her how you are doing in 1 sentence. Then ask her something and see how she responds. ^^^ I would NOT do this. Unless you want to start all over again It will never be what you want. It will only create more questions, heartache and despair. Guaranteed!!! 3
Author nerdlingZA Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 GUYS I've been Reading all your replies & I WON'T REPLY to her msg , I feel as if I contact her I'll feel miserable coz that how most of loveshackers feel after contacting Ex's , thanks guys for enlighting me , & to you who mentioned "taxi driver" u just reminded me of something that will make me never contact her ever again , thanks guys. 2
Zahara Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Dude if you miss her after 8 months, then you have nothing to lose by responding. It's not going to set you back any more than you already are. Answer her and tell her how you are doing in 1 sentence. Then ask her something and see how she responds. What not to do when you are still pining for an ex after 8 months. SMH. 2
daftpunk Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) We have been apart for 8months now , & yeah I also think I shouldn't Reply but I miss her Follow your heart. You're asking blind men for advice on how to see. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger, smarter, and better. And this won't kill you, regardless of what you decide to do. Edited July 22, 2013 by daftpunk
xilver Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 ^^^ I would NOT do this. Unless you want to start all over again It will never be what you want. It will only create more questions, heartache and despair. Guaranteed!!! lol start all over again after 8 months!? If you go 8 months and can't get over her then you have some separate issues. You can't start all over again if you are already at the beginning. Use you minds people instead of following the sheep mentality. He already said he isn't going to contact her so it is a non issue, but if he already tried nc and it didnt work after 8 months then obviously that was not the right thing to do. Face your fears head on and you will be set free. If you don't have the courage to do that then well I will see you in another 8 months still wallowing over your ex. 1
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Follow your heart. You're asking blind men for advice on how to see. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger, smarter, and better. And this won't kill you, regardless of what you decide to do. HUH?!?! That's like saying pain is weakness leaving the body. Umm...no. Pain is your body telling you something is f*cked up and stop what you're doing! Plain and simple, she's tossing you a breadcrumb. Nothing more and nothing less. Ignore it. She can tell it to the taxi driver. By the way, what's up with the taxi driver anyways?
daftpunk Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) HUH?!?! That's like saying pain is weakness leaving the body. Umm...no. Pain is your body telling you something is f*cked up and stop what you're doing! Plain and simple, she's tossing you a breadcrumb. Nothing more and nothing less. Ignore it. She can tell it to the taxi driver. By the way, what's up with the taxi driver anyways? Don't take this the wrong way, but it's his life and you're not omniscient. He needs to do what he feels is right in his heart, not what you think is best. Pain is life, and life is pain; some things need to be learned the hard way. It's one thing to take someone's word on something. It's a different thing all together to know first-hand from experience. If talking to her causes him further pain, then he will have gained that knowledge for the future. If he doesn't learn and does it again and again, then he was never going to listen to you to begin with. And if it leads him to a better place, then listening to you would have been a mistake. Following one's own heart is the only thing to do. The eventuality of his predicament is not for us to divine for him. Edit: Note that I'm not saying he should do it. I'm saying that only he can know, truly, after all he's read on here and all advice is taken into account, what he should do. Edited July 22, 2013 by daftpunk
Chi townD Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Wow...pretty zen. I'll raise your zen with a metaphor. And I'm not trying to be an asshat either. But, here's the deal. If he was standing on some railroad tracks and you see a train speeding towards him, would you warn him that a train was coming or would you grab a lawn chair and a tub of popcorn and watch him learn from the experience through his pain? Now, he's on a forum where a lot of folks have survived train wrecks and I'm not blind to the fact that this is an advice forum and he is free to do what he wants. All I'm saying is: Dude, trains coming....... 3
aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I'd be focusing ALL MY ATTENTION on why I'm not over someone after 8 months. Sorry, that's un-usual. Most move on after a short period of time and start dating and are in new relationships. To the original question, F-that. I wouldn't respond at all. I'm only 7 weeks since a break up and she already feels like a stranger to me. At 8 months? I doubt I'll remember much about her other than what a total POS she turned out to be..
Author nerdlingZA Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Don't get me wrong , for the past 5months I eventually did move on , but seen her MSG made me think of her the whole of today (which is disturbing , hopefully I'll be okay). Oh abt the taxi driver , she dates him , & whenever I see that taxi I kinda think about her for those 2minute , nothing that affects me the way it was 6months back
daftpunk Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 But, here's the deal. If he was standing on some railroad tracks and you see a train speeding towards him, would you warn him that a train was coming or would you grab a lawn chair and a tub of popcorn and watch him learn from the experience through his pain? Truthfully, I believe some things can only be learned the hard way. Matters of the heart tend to fall into this category. I can safely say that all of the good advice and warnings in the world weren't enough to save me from myself in the midst of heartbreak. The price of my newfound wisdom was disappointment and tears, and nothing else would have sufficed. In all probability, the OP probably already knows what needs to be done, one way or another. He has been sufficiently warned. I'm here to note that he can't let other people live his life for him. He needs to do what he feels is right. That's the only way one can live without regret.
PadawanJedi27 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Don't reply. If you reply then you are letting them win. They want you to be begging and everything so they can be mean back. Be strong.
NiceFails Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Yeah it's not a "hi how are you doing" it's a "Hey, I want you to feel bad again".
HobGadling Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Not replying might look petty. Reply. But make it one sentence. Wait at least a week or so before replying. Don't reveal anything to her. Literally: "Hey. Nice to hear from you. Hope you are well." No questions. Nothing for her to respond to. This could be a stock message inside a greetings card. That's it. Any more messages after that then don't respond. You've done enough to be civil and be the bigger person.
LifeIsGreat Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 If you can "man up" and control your emotions then it wouldn't hurt to reply. Maybe she is trying to open some communication. Maybe she would like to give it another try with you. IF you both have made any needed changes to have a better relationship, and if YOU are interested in that then you should reply. This might lead to you guys dating again. However, if you can't control your emotions OR you are completely done with her then ignore it. BTW-- missing her does not mean you want her back. 2
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