lukekarts Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Ok, very brief summary: - Were together 10 years. I thought all was great, despite the fact she had various issues, career change, breakups in close family, etc, I stood by her and supported her through everything. - I feel like I was a good boyfriend, few arguments, faithful, open to sharing hobbies, a massive group of mutual friends, holidays, a good balance of our own space, no arguments etc. Up until two weeks before the breakup, she still seemed giddy with excitement to see me and vice versa. - We decided to move to Oxford last September. She moved first, I eventually found the right job and moved down in June. - I went home away 3 weeks ago and out of the blue she dumped me via text, told me she 'couldn't cope anymore, loved me but wasn't in love with me, needed to find herself, GIGS basically. - I was shocked, not only by the decision, but the timing (just before I raced a car, when I was 150 miles away facing that journey home) and the means - by text message after 10 years, what the hell? Where I'm struggling to cope: It's just been all so stressful, from new job, to moving home and city, moving in, we also had a fire in a flat below us which was stressful enough. Even signed up to a new tenancy agreement. - I can't focus at work. I'm reading / typing up my life story on here. - I am excrutiatingly angry, as are my friends and family, by the way she has treated me. Almost making me give up everything/leave everything behind before deciding to dump me and make me homeless. - My social life is a mess. I left most of my friends/family to be with her, so all but one friend is 100 miles away. - Everywhere I go brings back memories. We did almost everything together, for 1/3 of our lives. - All my friends are getting married. I am happy for them but at the same time it breaks my heart. - She had me arrested. To cut a long story short, allegations of harassment, which may/may not have been me, I don't know, I was drunk and this was two weeks after the breakup. - My daily commute is now straight past where she lives and where she works. I can't help but see/bump into her. I am seeing a counsellor and have been prescribed diazepam by my GP but this doesn't seem to repress the feelings that make me want to curl up and cry, almost all day every day. I'm 3 weeks in. Any advice on how to focus my mind on something different would be really helpful.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I am so very sorry. This is awful. I have no great advice other than do nice things for yourself. If you can, reach out to a community centre or church? At our community centre down the street, you can play a different sport every single day. I'm not sure if you're into sports but going to the gym could help too. Church to me is wonderful.... not even for the message. I understand the message and have attended church for almost 30 years, but it's the friendships and happiness that really have me coming back every week. I've met a lot of amazing, friendly, helpful and just all around fabulous people. I feel at home and have met new friends this way. What were/are you interested in? Any hobbies? It's summer. Don't stop doing things you love and have an interest in because she isn't there. Just go for it! Oh! And CRY! You are allowed to do that. Take time for you and grieve. Losing her is a huge loss in your life, but I promise, it WILL get better. Take the time you need to feel these horrible, heartbreaking feelings. You're allowed. I am so sorry you're going through this. Just know, you are not alone. xo
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