enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Hello everyone, Last week, I broke the engagement with my fiancé. I had many reasons, and I am going through all sort of emotions such as second guessing myself and if I did the right thing. I know I did, but I still think in my head if there was someway to fix it. We were together almost 2 years. We come from two different backgrounds, I am in the city (NYC) and he is from PA and a lot of his thinking is pretty much like a redneck. I don't like labeling people, but that is how he has referred to himself. Anyways, I was fine with that. But just seemed he expected me to make all these compromises and him none. The ones he did make he complained about so seems he resented me for having to do them. He wanted to move to the big city and still have the same way of thinking. I tried to explain to explain to him that NYC is not for everyone. He has been here several times, and tried to move here a couple times and then every time, we would get into a fight he would pack up and leave. Then he would get home, regret his decision and try and work things out and say he would move back here etc. Well, I have no doubt that he would have but I feel after about 3x of trying to move here enough was enough. But he made it a point to see my faults and just blame everything on him. I don't pretend to be perfect, but I am a pretty good communicator and he is not. He has this real mean streak in him which of course he denies, and when you try to talk to him he doesn't listen he just yells and starts calling me jealous and controlling. There are just certain things you shouldn't do when your in a relationship. He had this one female friend who he was really close with and has known several years, and would carry on with her online and disrespecting me. I would try to talk to him about it, and of course he would say I am so jealous I cant see straight, how I don't want him to have friends, and that he was just kidding. I never said he cant be friend with her, but he was acting inappropriately and I asked him to not disrespect me, and tone down the convos. That is just one situation...whenever we got into a fight he just got mean and he was always right and I was always wrong and I feel he played a lot of head games with me. so, I guess I shouldn't wonder why I am feeling this way. What are some of the ways to heal over this? I know that's a loaded question, but I am having a hard time coping with it,
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Read what you wrote. Simply he was aggressive and manipulative, and unwilling to compromise. Just concentrate on yourself and knowing you can find someone who will be willing to put in just as much as you are.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 yes, your right and I think I have knew that for several months, but I don't like to give up easily-even though, I gave him way too many chances. The head games is the reason I stayed with him. Making me think, it was me and then I start to think that he is right and that I just need to change this or that and we will be happy.
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 yes, your right and I think I have knew that for several months, but I don't like to give up easily-even though, I gave him way too many chances. The head games is the reason I stayed with him. Making me think, it was me and then I start to think that he is right and that I just need to change this or that and we will be happy. Not giving up easily is one thing if both are trying, but you can't put in all the effort. I've been in that position too and you were fighting a battle you couldn't win. It gets better once you put that person out of your life.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Not giving up easily is one thing if both are trying, but you can't put in all the effort. I've been in that position too and you were fighting a battle you couldn't win. It gets better once you put that person out of your life. well it's only going on day 4 post breakup so I know it's still early. My worry is him contacting me asking for yet another chance after I've already started to heal. I've been down that road with him where he sweet talks me, seems like a new person and makes all these promises like things will be different this time. But it never changes. He is who he is. Makes me wonder how many times him and his exes broke up but that doesn't matter anymore
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 If you're worried about him trying to contact you then take preventative steps. Block his email, facebook, twitter, phone, and any other way you can think that he could contact you.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 If you're worried about him trying to contact you then take preventative steps. Block his email, facebook, twitter, phone, and any other way you can think that he could contact you. that's true. I guess in a way it's also hard to let go, but I have to do it for my own sanity
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