jaydow37 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Okay Ill start off explaining the situation. I am 20, and my girlfrend is 18. I was living in Utah and I started talking to this girl I knew who lived by my hometown in Idaho. She was 6 months pregnant with a guy who she was not with or had no interest in. Me and her started talking and I started to like her and she started to like me. I moved from Utah back to Idaho and moved back to my parents house. Me and her hit it off right when I got back. We hungout all the time and I just chilled with her pregnant self and watched movies and stuff and just relaxed so she had a less stressful pregnancy. Everything went well and we fell in love. I drove her to all her appointments, took her to the store, take her our to eat, drive her places when she needed someone to drive her. I just did whatever I could to help. The baby was born and she got super depressed for the first month because she is only 18 and it was just a shock. But she got over it and she is a great mom and i try and be a great dad to this child and he loves me and ALWAYS smiles at me and laughs like babies do. But something happened about 2 months ago and im not sure what it is. We never fought until 7 months in and now we fight over stupid things that dont even matter. We just let that all fly over us and we decided to move into together. I pay for everything( because her child support still hasent gone through and she just stays at home and takes care of her kid.) She never cleans the apartment and just leaves it dirty then when I get off work I have to clean the whole house and she makes it seem like im weird for just cleaning the house. But I think she is just lazy but she claims its because she never has any energy and has to tend to her child all day. The first 2 weeks of living together were good. We were super intimate and were having sex 2-3 times a day. and kissing all the time and hugging and all that stuff. But we started fighting because I was getting this weird feeling she was cheating on me. So I would bring it up and she would just get pissed off and say I just accuse of everything and make her seem like a slut but im not getting these feelings for no reason eventhough i tend to over think things alot. But everytime we fight she just goes and stays at her moms. and now she isnt even kissing me, touching me, telling me she loves me alot, just showing the affection two people would give when they are in love. She claims its because she has been sick with a cold and she needs her "personal space" Which i understand but you would think if she loved me she would still want to show me that she loves me. She makes up excuses whenever i say i wanna have sex or kiss or just cuddle with her. I do everything for this girl and I have been with her and helping her through a huge life change because of her kid. Im just starting to get the hunch she is talking and seeing someone else and just using me for the apartment and the fact I do everything and drive her everywhere whenever she needs me to. Whenever she goes and stays at her moms she gets all pretty and dresses to impress but she never does that with me since she has been living with me. all she does is put on sweats and a t shirt. I already asked her why she has to get dressed up when she leaves and not when she is with me and she said she just thinks its because she is comfortable. But any and everytime i just try and tell her im unhappy because i feel like im losing her she just tells me to calm down and gets mad and says im "too emotional" which is not true im just trying to express my feelings and what upsets me. She told me its hard to even talk to me because we just fight and i have already told her if this isnt what she wants she needs to move back to her moms and just do her own thing and not waste my time but she just ignores that because i dont think she can go back over and she needs me in her life in order to have her own space and be able to take care of her kid. Im just looking for someones opinion on this. Im not sure if she is cheating. Im just over thinking things and just not trusting her and thinking of the worst. Maybe she is just using me for my money and the fact i will go out of my way and take her to the appointments and whatever else. Or she is just sick and needs space and doesnt want to be touched or kissed for awhile. Idk But please give me your opinions i need them.
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Doesn't sound like either of you are emotionally mature enough for the situation you are in. There is a lack of trust, a lack of patience, and a lack of connection right now. You both need to decide if you're going to try and make this work, and it needs to be a 100% effort. No more of this half-assed crap. Explain your needs to her and ask her to explain hers. Figure out a path as a team to make it work or end it. Or you're going to be stuck on this wild ride. 1
clia Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Im just starting to get the hunch she is talking and seeing someone else and just using me for the apartment and the fact I do everything and drive her everywhere whenever she needs me to. Uh...ya think? She's definitely using you. Seems like she's got a pretty sweet deal. She doesn't have to work or do anything all day except take care of her kid -- who isn't yours -- and you pay all the bills, shuttle her around, and clean the house. And she doesn't even dress cute for you or have sex with you in return. She's trampling all over you. And her child support "hasn't come through yet"? Come on. Why on Earth do you want to be tied down to someone like this at your age? If it's already this bad at nine months, it isn't going to get better. Move on before you get more attached to her or the kid. You can do better. 1
Pierre Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 This could be classical cuckolding. She is probably seeing the real dad of the kid and they have decided that you can raise the kid and foot the bill. The real bio dad is now in the picture and he probably demands exclusivity. In other words she will remain faithful to this other guy and avoid having intercourse with you. I suggest you leave her. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Is there a specific reason you believe she's seeing someone else? When she goes to her mother's house after a fight, are you certain that's where she's really going? First thought is that the baby's father is back in the picture. It's not true she never had an interest in him...she had enough interest to sleep with him and carry his child.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) You're so young, and you sound like a good, intelligent guy. Why have you put yourself in a position to be used like this? Have you had some kind of experience that has told you that this is the kind of treatment you deserve in a relationship? I understand she's taking care of her child, but it sound like she flat-out has zero respect or appreciation for you. My SO pays the rent, and let me tell you, I'd be damned if he got home and started picking up my mess. I simply wouldn't (couldn't) in good conscience let that happen. Compound that with the fact that she just treats you like junk in general, and may very well be cheating on you... You have your whole life ahead of you - dump the chump. She doesn't seem to care much about you at all. Edited July 22, 2013 by kiss_andmakeup
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