He is breaking NC

[GettingOver]

I found the power to cut contact with the MM and I told him clearly that I needed time to get over him before (if) we could possibly be friends or whatever. He agreed that this is good for me and he respects my choice.

A bit over a month later he started contacting my friend via social network (I'm not on it) asking how the friend was doing, etc (they are not really friends, met a few times). Then he sends me a skyped message - as if by mistake and the message was addressed to another person. But I am sure it was done on purpose. Today i changed status on Skype and he managed to translate it, find the book from where the quote is coming from and Skyped me asking if is had anyspecial meaning and "how are you". WTF????(((((( I already stated getting better and he shows up reminding of himself and I am getting back to thoughts about him I told him that we agreed to not have NC untill I am ready to and he is breaking it. WTF does he need?((( I realize he is missing me but if I start talking to him I will get back to the crap I've been at cause I still have feelings for him and having him in my life will stop me from trying to forget him(((

[affairaddict]

Mine got in contact again after 2 months NC insisted by me. "Just wanted to see how you're doing?" Ok I have had breast cancer so it is a little different but I still think he would have broke it. I wasn't over him at this point and he wasn't over me. For a week we were back talking all day every day, him a little bit more sweeter everytime we reconcile. He told me he'd been thinking of me everyday and wanted to contact me every day but because of the stress I was under he thought it best to stay away.

 

We were planning to meet up and finally have sex. We've kissed and had an encounter in a year but never slept together. We discussed how our feelings would overflow and it was all exciting and intoxicating.

 

Then I came to my senses again - quickly. He wants us both. Yuck that's not good enough. So today I made it clear again. Never to contact me unless he's a single man. Told him If he messages me i will not respond to him.

 

I am committed this time to letting go and moving on.

 

They come back because they miss us and want that fix that high, although mine denies the high (he's in the fog)

[GettingOver]

Thanks for responding,affairaddict!

I am sorry you had to go through cancer, I hpe you are fine now!

I initiated NC cause by then I was so miserable and dependant that I put up with everything. One day I felt I was fed up and told him I needed a break to heal and get over. I seriously don't want to go through this pain of not having 100% of him and eating up his exuces again. I am afraid of this exact same thing you described - loosing my power, falling back for him,letting him come back to my life and ... getting the same result!

I also think it is so gay to mess with my friends, faking Skype messages in order to remind of himself. And I do agree that he is missing the high and an ego stroke that he got from me. I miss him too, but I can't let this situation happen again...

[affairaddict]

I know how you feel and I also sobbed a lot during the time apart as I thought he'd forgot about me. That's why one panics and reaches out. I read a really good article on NC and how the panic sets in. It is a lot to so with the ego but also the "love" and the connection neither wants it to die.

 

Anyway one reaches out and you both get that relief when you talk again it's like the fix a crack addict gets. But nothing ever changes you're both back where you started. Yes they love us in a way I do believe they think they are but they don't want to leave their wives. They want both, and this is never going to work for most.

Honestly I really love my guy but I hate the way he won't talk to me weekends and silly things like that. I can't have my self esteem dragging on the floor clinging on to his sweet words like a sick puppy.

 

You have to stop. Show him you mean business and only contact you if he wants to leave his wife . X

[Wambo]

Mine got in contact again after 2 months NC insisted by me. "Just wanted to see how you're doing?" Ok I have had breast cancer so it is a little different but I still think he would have broke it. I wasn't over him at this point and he wasn't over me. For a week we were back talking all day every day, him a little bit more sweeter everytime we reconcile. He told me he'd been thinking of me everyday and wanted to contact me every day but because of the stress I was under he thought it best to stay away.

 

We were planning to meet up and finally have sex. We've kissed and had an encounter in a year but never slept together. We discussed how our feelings would overflow and it was all exciting and intoxicating.

 

Then I came to my senses again - quickly. He wants us both. Yuck that's not good enough. So today I made it clear again. Never to contact me unless he's a single man. Told him If he messages me i will not respond to him.

 

I am committed this time to letting go and moving on.

 

They come back because they miss us and want that fix that high, although mine denies the high (he's in the fog)

 

They want to control us and use us to fill in the viod of their relationship. Sooner we get control of ourselves, harder it's for them and they will give up.

[affairaddict]

I don't think it's about control unless your guy is a narcissist

[GettingOver]

They want to control us and use us to fill in the viod of their relationship. Sooner we get control of ourselves, harder it's for them and they will give up.

 

I think it is too harsh... I guess some do fall in love, and care, and suffer when they loose us. But only a few dare to make a change. I guess in my particular case he is missing an ego stroke (I am 15 years yanger), all the love he got from me, the feeling of being special.