philip12 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Hello all, my first post here. My story is that I'm in love with a girl who i have been with for a year. we've lived together for some of that time and have been very much in love. We have had our difficulties and fiery moments, but have got through them. Right now, she's on a very difficult work project. it takes all her energy and she's not been having the best time with it. I've been as supportive as i could. Recently, we had an issue. For the first time since we've been together, she has not wanted to make love for just over a week. I asked her if there was a problem. She said a few things, mainly that it was the work stress and things on her mind. A few days later the situation hadn't changed and I asked her about it again. She said that she loved me but that her sexual desire for me wasn't as present as it had been. I asked what had become so different when up to very recently there was no problem at all. She offered some reasons, none of them very constructive, and went back on them a while later saying that it was her problem. She's stressed with work, its taking all of her life. Then the next morning, she told me to go. That she couldn't keep me happy and I deserved someone better. That she felt pressurized by the sex thing. I was devastated and very surprised. I accepted her decision and also told her how much I loved her, something I'd never fully expressed before. That love for me meant love for life, not disposable love. Later in the day she told me through many tears, that she did love me and nothing in her feelings had changed for me. She said its her issues that she is going through and has nothing to do with me or us. That she wants me to be happy and that is why she must let me go. She also said that she wants to work through what she sees as her internal issues and hopes that I'll be waiting for her on the other side. But if I meet someone that makes me happy I should go with her as she wants me to be happy. I asked her if she is the one who wants to meet someone else. She said no. She then said I could stay for a while if I wanted(her flat) but that she's working on herself and has no energy for our relationship, but i could stay if I wanted. I said I'd see how it went over a few days, and added that right now we were not in a relationship as such, but two people who care for each other and have love. I emphasized that for me being in love is a commitment, not a 'see how it gos and chuck it out if it gets challenging,' scenario. Right now I'm still at our flat. We slept in the same bed last night which she wanted, and she hugged me while she slept though without sexual intimacy. I got the impression she wants me to be here when she gets back and asked me to tell her if I'm going out. I know that I have to be as cool as possible. No matter what i feel for her, I don't believe in having to chase someone, they should make up their own mind about being with me as I want to be with them. I know some of you will be thinking that i should just cut and run. Or move out and giver her a complete break. I'd only really go if she didn't feel the same way though, if she told me she didn't love me anymore that i should go. then I wouldn't look back. But i genuinely feel that she loves me, I can see it in her eyes. She tells me that I can't help her with her struggles. i fid that hard to take. Shouldn't a lover be able to help out their loved one with their presence? Maybe I'm a starry eyed idealist born in the wrong century. I don't know. Thank you for reading my ramblings. Love can be tough. but I stick it out, that's who I am. I don't want to chuck u away just like that, especially when there is love here. Any advice and comments would be appreciated. Thanks.
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