Older guy here, 1st post, deeply appreciate input from women 30+

[Sparkle304]

OP....I strongly believe that you did NOTHING wrong to instigate this breakup. It was not your communication skills, it was not your eagerness to become a couple, it was NOT YOUR FAULT! She has some significant issues regarding her self-esteem and relationships. In other words, she couldn't handle someone recognizing her as a good person and wanting to be with her. THAT, dear Phoenix6, has absolutely nothing, nada, zip, zilch to do with you. Personally, I think you handled yourself with maturity and you respected her wishes. I'm sorry that you went through this and hopefully it doesn't turn you off future relationships.

 

By the way, I don't think there's anything wrong or 'weird' about being in your 50s and not have been married or have kids. In fact, I respect that. This doesn't make you incapable of being in a great relationship now. People have different timelines. Perhaps if more people recognized this, there would be fewer divorces and broken families. Have we really become a society that sees a person more favourably if he/she has been in unsuccessful and potentially 'doomed from the start' marriages than someone who has avoided that?! And for the record, I'm in my mid-30s.

[HokeyReligions]

I haven't read all the replies so I apologize if I'm repeating others.

 

My take, based on your posts OP, is that she is recovering not only from addiction but also from a failed marriage and from whatever led her to those events. She may not have developed the coping skills necessary to move forward into a serious relationship or to be able to slow it down or end it comfortably.

 

To be blunt, she sounds scared and you sound a bit smothering. Things were happening very fast for both of you. The excitement may have been too much.

 

I agree with those who advise no contact. I would also offer not to over analyze what happened and keep in the back of your mind that in your next relationship focus the majority of communication to live talking and less texting.

 

 

BTW. I'm older than you and that's all I'm going to say about that!

[phoenix6]

Thank you so much for the replies. I really appreciate the input.

 

It's true nowadays that if you are not divorced and share custody than there must be something wrong with you. The odd man out if you will. That is ok with me. I am very happy with my life and it will stay that way. You had a very astute observation about society as it is today. Maybe if people got married later in life, etc. etc. the world would be different but I believe it is at a point of no return. What the hell everything built today is tossed out within a couple years and merely replaced. That unfortunately that also applies to people as well. Not happy with your spouse, (assuming the involved parties have exhausted every possible option), just get divorced, have an affair. etc. Who knows what the solution is.

 

Regarding the reply just before this post I do agree with your observation regarding her being scared and me a little smothering. I wholeheartedly admit to it.