smile1983 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) Okay, so here is the situation. My ex was dropping off the girls this afternoon after I got off work. We have an arrangement for the summer so neither of us has to pay for daycare. I watch them during the day while he is at work and he watches them during the night while I am at work. On Saturdays and Sundays it's a little different because he doesn't have to work. I make up my hours on those two days working a full day on each weekend day. He wants me to give up one of those eight hour days which would cut a big hole in my paycheck and make it impossible for me to get my bills paid. I told him today when he dropped off the girls that I could take a weekend day off if he was willing to pay for daycare on one weekday so I could make up my hours then. He said he shouldn't have to pay for daycare. We exchanged heated words. He came over to the door and I asked him to leave. I tried to close the door and he tried to stop me. I managed to get the door all the way closed to where it latched but the next thing I knew the door was busted and there was glass everywhere. I do not know if it was just because the wood was old and rotten that it gave so easily or if he is just that strong. As soon as I realized he had bust down my door to gain entry to my house I called the police. I was correct in assuming that my landlord would not be happy with this turn of events and that the bill would be too much for me to pay so I was going to ensure he paid for it. My question is, was this all my fault for trying to close the door in the first place? Should I let him come in if he tries to regardless of if I want him in my house or not? I did not know he was going to break down the door. He says it was an accident and now I am going to have to file charges against him if he does not pay the landlord for a new door because the landlord is insisting that if I do not file charges he is going to make me pay $800 for a new door. That is over twice my monthly rent. Edited July 22, 2013 by smile1983
Yasuandio Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) Cut back your hours and give him no choice. You are GIVING too much girl! And it is stupid for you to say, "Is it my fault?" That makes you sound pathetic. Now don't be an idiot! This is what you should do. Cut back your hours and tell him nothing. Get a Court to straighten out things. Go to a doctor for God's sake. You really sound like you are taking on way too much. What is wrong with you? Be with your children. Ten to one, your husband defiled the marriage somehow - and you wanna know: "IS IT YOUR FAULT?" Huh? Hold on a second. Wha' cho say? Sweetheart, get a grip, like now, ok? Honey, please, I don't want you to regret this years from now. Can you plase try to read some of the articles in the "pinned" section of this forum - and see if anything rings a bell? Maybe the new post on "Gaslighting" might be of interest to you. Please, read that one first. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce Yas Edited July 22, 2013 by Yasuandio Added link to pinned section of forum.
Author smile1983 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. I was asking if it was my fault that my door got broken down because I shut it on him. Anyway I do not want my hours cut back because I would not be able to pay my bills. I am not even getting 40 hrs a week at this point. If we go back to the old arrangement, however, where I was making 40 hrs, I will have to pay for three girls to go to daycare every other week and that will end up being way more expensive. I do not have any kind of familial support system that could back me up and watch my girls for me and I do not know any responsible teens who would be willing to do it either.
Yasuandio Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You have a right to close your door. He does not have a right to break it down. Stand up for yourself and file charges. Cut back your work hours, and cut some expenses if necessary. Go in the Court with this. Do you have pictures of the door? A statement from the Landlord? How did you feel when the door got busted down? Think about that for a moment. File an incident report and tell the same think to the police. THEN, follow up by showing up to the Court - because the charges will be filed by the police - not you. Breaking down doors is intimadating domestic abuse, plain and simple. Firefighters break down doors when a house is on fire and people are trapped inside. What was your husband's emergency? Was he afraid you were having an ashma attack? Call the police, make the eport - and stop contact with him. Get to the Court for an emergency hearing for more money.
Author smile1983 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Why do you keep telling me to cut back on my work hours? That is what he wants me to do so he can have a free day without having to watch the girls. I cannot afford to cut back on my work hours. This is the problem we have. I tried to compromise telling him I would take a day during the week if he paid for daycare, which would be the same amount of work hours for me but he would get his free weekend day.
MrE_UK Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Hi, 1. He broke the door, which is a criminal act. He is liable for the damages. If you don't want him in, he shouldn't be trying to force his way in - that's intimidating and disrespectful. He made his choices. You were right. 2. It seems that the situation escalated due to there still being emotions involved. He wants it changed, you don't. You'll change if he pays for daycare, he doesn't want to. There's no compromise so all is left is arguing. Been there!! Perhaps its time for you both to not be reliant on the other any more?
MyEvilTwin Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 He was using physical force to try to enter a house that he is not an owner of. Yes, prosecute. He was being a bully. You need to set yourself up with a babysitter. Teenager, or older woman, anyone responsible will do. Every parent with young kids needs a babysitter. You never know when that emergency will come up. It could be having to go to court on the door is when you will need that babysitter. Ask friends, neighbors, or co-workers. Put an ad in the paper if word of mouth doesn't find one. Maybe you can join some meetup for single mothers. In some way you need to broaden your resources and people you can count on. He is going to be angry over the door and not want to work anything out with you over the weekends/custody. What does the divorce decree state? He doesn't have to do anymore than it states. It would be nice if the two of you could work this out without the court involved, but with the door incident it is going to be hostile for awhile. Don't cut back on work. You need the money desperately. He probably knows that too.
Recommended Posts