zanesfan Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I will admit, my boyfriend and I have been moving extremely fast in our relationship. He's 33 and I'm 30 and we went looking at rings after 2 months of dating. Granted we aren't planning on getting married anytime soon but we have talked about a future together. We took our first vacation after one month of dating and starting this weekend, I will be staying at his place for a whole month. My bf has never been married and doesnt have children but I on the other hand have been married and I have a children from the previous marriage. My son is at his grandparents for the summer and once he returns home, he will meet my bf. Btw, my son has a very active dad who pays child support as well as gets him every weekend, holidays, birthdays, etc. I guess my question is whether this relationship seems normal. I mean technically we havent done anything drastic but we are playing on being married around this time next year. We are also contemplating living together in 5 months but who knows how that will go. We get along very well but really how much do you know about a person in 2 months? Are we crazy? Does time really indicate how things are going to go? We haven't argued yet but Im sure it will happen eventually. He has already told me he loved me as well. We spend 3-4 nights a week together and for once in a long time.. I Am Happy. Nothing seems off in our relationship but I guess I'm just scared that he may be the one and I dont know if im being realistic.
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 My dad and mom were engaged early as well (two weeks) and have been married 35 years. Those might have been different times, but when something feels right then it feels right. No reason to fear someone being "the one". Rather, it's something to be excited about and enjoyed. If both of you are open and comfortable, who cares how fast you're moving? As the only two that matter here are the two of you.
Treasa Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Do I believe some people can just know after a couple of weeks or months? Yes. Do I recommend following through on it? No, not if you have a child. Especially a child who hasn't even met the guy you like. Please give this due time and enjoy the courtship. If it's going to last, then this will be the last time you'll ever be single in your life. No rush. 4
Author zanesfan Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Wow thanks ladies for your sound advice. That makes me feel more comfortable about the situation.
kaylan Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I wouldnt recommend rushing, especially with a kid involved. Id say give this at least closer to a year before you guys get engaged. And you need to give your kid time to get to know this guy. Plus I dont think people should compare our parents generation to our own. Love and commitment are a very different animal in our day and age. 1
jphcbpa Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 how old is your son? I am a fan of a long engagement. Take your time, enjoy this moment. 1
Phantom888 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 There is no such thing as "normal". If you feel it, it's likely to be real. I think it makes sense to just be real careful and consider EVERYTHING, since you have a child. You gotta make sure the man will be a good stepdad, and that he is good with kids. You are young enough to consider having another kid, so be sure your child's needs are not neglected when a new one comes. People say 2 months is too soon for stuff like this...but it all depends on how connected you feel. If you are both financially stable, and the compatibility is strong, I think you should definitely move forward with your plans. My woman and I are right about 2 months this week. She is the love of my life. We have taken 2 weekend trips together, and I am really bonded with her. Last week she was browsing at rings, but was afraid I might feel pressured, so she didn't tell me. This past weekend she told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, so she couldn't help looking at rings. I feel the same way. As soon as my kids come back from their summer trip (in 2 weeks), I will introduce them to her. I plan to propose to her right around the holidays. It's going to be a full 1-year engagement. So we will be married by Christmas 2014. Yes, we have been together only 2 months, but we are planning all of this because we are sure about each other. I think you should move in after you are engaged. Don't fall in the trap of moving in without a real commitment because it's a nasty habit to break. Men who live with women tend to not want to marry them because there is no incentive to marry. Take your time being together while engaged. Best of luck.
CarrieT Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I would heartily recommend you get to the six- to eight-month point before you introduce children. They are younger and more impressionable; you are still in the honeymoon phase and right now, you are only seeing bunnies and rainbows in each other. It will be important for your son that when you do introduce them to each other, that your son knows this may be someone who will be around for a long time. At two months, you don't know this yet.
Author zanesfan Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) When my son meets my bf our relationship will be right around 3 months. My son is 7 and knows that I am seeing someone. I haven't talked in great detail about it in the past few weeks because he is gone and I dont want him to be worried about mommy having a bf. However my sons father is married and my son often wonders why Im not married. Of course I would love to see how things goes and there is no way I could consider a long term relationship with my bf if I figured he was not fully capable of being a great stepdad. I love my bf but I love my child more and my bf understands that. As far as the engagement goes, I dont care how early we get engaged because what matters most is how long it takes before we are married. And he knows that I want a ring before moving... we have already discussed this. Im more than positive this will go smoothly. But only time will tell. Edited July 22, 2013 by zanesfan 1
Recommended Posts