wsid Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 so earlier today i found this web site and was going to post in the break up section and I still may need to do that at some point but not just this miniute allow me a miniute to explain and perhaps you can give me some feed back I meet a person back in feb on a internet forum unrealted to dating we just both happen to be single we started with the private message and then echanged numbers and text messages from there we went to skype fiannl after a month maybe made plans to meet I flew to her state as expected we hit it off very well and have made several trips back and forth over the summer her to me and me to her I spent time with her on her famly vacation got to meet and hang out with her son who is cool .. (oh by the way we are each mid 40 and her son lives at home and is 13) well back sometime ago i would say in may we started talking about me moving out there as we both liked each other but the LRD we could see would be tiring not to mention expensive we are 1000 miles apart cutting to the point as the date of my moving was getting closer she was getting aprehensive , started the questions ,, "are you sure you want to do this" saying things like this is a big decision..ect ect well yesterday I got a text , she did not want to date anymore and just be friends. last night she would barely talk to me and when "us" brought up she did not want to talk about that at all move on to today we did talk for awhile and got some cards on the table she has a fear that once I get down there she is not going to have enough time in her everyday life for me and I am going to get upset and be hurt she works a full time job and a pt time job shes a single mom and has a house to maintain that dose need some work so she always has projects and a yard to mantain .. well over the summer and are dating she has fallen behind and now wants her job , house and son to be numero uno and I understand all that so for the most part after talking tonight she saying if I am good with all that then come on move and we will "date" and see where it goes are ldr has run its coarce I cant see us doing that any longer but now I question if she can just break up with my with no more then a whim cause shes worried about whats going to happen 6 months down the road do I really want to move there
EvansR Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I would ask whether you have any other reasons for staying where you are right now. If you're having to cut yourself out of your own life, leaving family/friends/job etc then maybe it wouldn't be the best idea to move so far away no matter what your heart wants. I know LDRs can suck, but maybe you need a little more time working at a relationship before you move to be with her. Especially if she decides when you get there that she doesn't want a relationship with you. I was in a LDR with someone who moved to Spain, and since her move is now permanent, we had agreed that I would move with her with a view to us both returning to England somewhere further down the line. However, the LDR ended, and if I was in Spain right now, there would be nothing there for me. I think you need to balance what is keeping you in your current location, and what moving to be with her would do for you. If the move is more beneficial for you, by all means, go for it. But if you'd be best off where you are now, I'd recommend working on the relationship before moving. I hope this is somewhat helpful 1
LisaLee Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 What exactly was the plan when you moved to where she is at? Were you planning on living with her, or getting your own place? Were you planning on helping alleviate some of her responsibilities? Or was this going to be a "I'll get my own place, we'll see where it goes" type of thing? In that situation I would be hesitant as well. I would hate for someone to uproot their life for me just to see where it goes.
Author wsid Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 you make some good points and that is a big thing in her mind "the move" but to me not so much . about all I own could fit into my RAV 4 ( small suv) as of next week I will be unemployed I have already quit my reg job and just working this one for the summer . It gave me the free time I wanted for are trips ect. So come aug first I will be looking for work be it in her state or going to where my daughter lives. she sees the move I think as a big deal life altering I see it as 600 bucks and a couple days drive I think ,, well I am sure the LDR has run its coarce now I just need to get down there and see if we can handle a reg dating relationship the kind where everything is not perfect and vacation every time we see each other. I know I will not be getting as much of her time and attion as I may like at first,, but I think we are worth a shot it just seems premature to end it now with out giving it a go.. I am ok with dating and a pizza at my place or hers now and then and helping her out with the yard and stuff. I think us being in are 40s both been burned before shes a little shy to a committed relationship right away
Chris516 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 While the move is one thing, it sounds like both of you, are letting fear take hold of your thinking process. Sure she has a 13yo and the house to think about. But did it ever occur to either of you, you could spend time together, while getting the house in shape? There is one aspect that wasn't mentioned. That is how her 13yo will react to someone that isn't their dad, being with their mom.
Author wsid Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 spending time around her house is a great idea to me and I have the experiance and skill set to help her. Right now she is saying that it would be wrong of her to ask me to do that . I was saying I would actually like to and I did not mind at all.. maybe when I am there and she knows its not just me saying that. Plus I think too being a indepent single women for so long she dose not like asking for help and lots of people think "nothing is for free" so may feel like if I help her she owes me something I thought dating was tuff when I was younger ,, boy the kids got in made if you ask me and yes I think fear is playing with both are minds to some extent the son never really new his dad and mom together so I dont think that is a problem and he and I seem to get along well enough he seems to be ok with me
Author wsid Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 What exactly was the plan when you moved to where she is at? Were you planning on living with her, or getting your own place? Were you planning on helping alleviate some of her responsibilities? Or was this going to be a "I'll get my own place, we'll see where it goes" type of thing? In that situation I would be hesitant as well. I would hate for someone to uproot their life for me just to see where it goes. sorry I missed this before I have already got a place when I was visiting last week I put a deposit on an APT as for helping her , I talked about that on the other reply I can only help with her around the house jobs and some carpentry she needs done well I suppose if asked I could help with some taxing her son to baseball and such , plus I think on a weekend if she had to work him and I could go do something we both like fishing and it will be near the coast
clia Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I think the issue seems pretty clear. She may want to continue dating you, but you moving to where she is located is a lot of pressure on her. She is likely thinking "Jeez, I really like this guy, but what if he moves here and it doesn't work out. How will I end it with him after he uprooted his life?" or "God, is he going to be depending on me to meet people, for directions, for assistance with the new city, etc.?" She wants to know in her mind that she is free to break up with you without feeling guilty about it if you move there and things aren't what she thought they would be. She doesn't want to feel like she is your primary source of friendship, entertainment, and companionship. This is why she is talking about how full her life already is. She doesn't want you sitting there in her face all the time wanting to do things because you are bored and don't know anyone else. If the move is just no big deal to you, go ahead and do it. But, be sure to have your own life and be independent about things. You should do your own things to meet new people, get your own place, and start a life that is separate from her. Maybe once she sees you doing that it will take some of the pressure off her, and she will be more open to a relationship.
Author wsid Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I think the issue seems pretty clear. She may want to continue dating you, but you moving to where she is located is a lot of pressure on her. She is likely thinking "Jeez, I really like this guy, but what if he moves here and it doesn't work out. How will I end it with him after he uprooted his life?" or "God, is he going to be depending on me to meet people, for directions, for assistance with the new city, etc.?" She wants to know in her mind that she is free to break up with you without feeling guilty about it if you move there and things aren't what she thought they would be. She doesn't want to feel like she is your primary source of friendship, entertainment, and companionship. This is why she is talking about how full her life already is. She doesn't want you sitting there in her face all the time wanting to do things because you are bored and don't know anyone else. If the move is just no big deal to you, go ahead and do it. But, be sure to have your own life and be independent about things. You should do your own things to meet new people, get your own place, and start a life that is separate from her. Maybe once she sees you doing that it will take some of the pressure off her, and she will be more open to a relationship. this I think is the case completely .. thanks for laying int out so clear for me some great insight
umirano Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I'll read and post in your thread when you write proper English. I consider a minimal effort in orthography a form of politeness. Lack of orthography makes it very hard to read what you wrote. My time is valuable, if you want it, make an effort for easy communication.
Author wsid Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I'll read and post in your thread when you write proper English. I consider a minimal effort in orthography a form of politeness. Lack of orthography makes it very hard to read what you wrote. My time is valuable, if you want it, make an effort for easy communication. spare me your time I got pleanty of good responces from people that dont have there head up there asses thinking there better then someone else so yeah ,, I could care less about your time or what you have to say anyways
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