Author morbot_k Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 She told you she was going out with her friend. Why would she be texting you or answering the phone when out with her friend? I think you're overreacting. She texted you to tell you she was going to see her friend, and you responded with: "I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response." I wouldn't have responded to that either. If she's already out with her friend 5 minutes after canceling the date...then I definitely don't want to communicate with her again.
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 C'mon SG. If the situation were reversed and the OP had written "Hey I cancelled a date last minute, via text, with this girl I've been dating a month (she had to cut short her weekend with her friends and drive all that way to see me) to hang out with my female friend and now she won't talk to me anymore" you'd be ripping the guy a new one. And rightfully so. You know me better than to try and tell me anything about how I would and would not react. Don't tell me what I'd do. You're wrong. It seems you're trying to make this a gender thing by switching the shoes by gender. It doesn't matter. Is short notice of a cancellation rude? Of course. However... Does it warrant sending a text demanding to know what the real story is behind the cancellation? No. Does it warrant ending things, when you've been enjoying dating the person for the past month and this is a one off? No. He can assert his boundaries better than ending things.
therhythm Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You know me better than to try and tell me anything about how I would and would not react. Don't tell me what I'd do. You're wrong. It seems you're trying to make this a gender thing by switching the shoes by gender. It doesn't matter. Is short notice of a cancellation rude? Of course. However... Does it warrant sending a text demanding to know what the real story is behind the cancellation? No. Does it warrant ending things, when you've been enjoying dating the person for the past month and this is a one off? No. He can assert his boundaries better than ending things. I would agree with you if OP didn't have to drive all the way to meet her... The reason why she could not meet him is because she wanted to see a friend? Why can't OP join them?... very suspicious. Not even a phone call when she knows he had to drive to meet her and he is already there? Too many red flags! 2
SJC2008 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You know me better than to try and tell me anything about how I would and would not react. Don't tell me what I'd do. You're wrong. It seems you're trying to make this a gender thing by switching the shoes by gender. It doesn't matter. Is short notice of a cancellation rude? Of course. However... Does it warrant sending a text demanding to know what the real story is behind the cancellation? No. Does it warrant ending things, when you've been enjoying dating the person for the past month and this is a one off? No. He can assert his boundaries better than ending things. I don't think you're being objective. You're saying IMJ17 is making a gender issure but he's not. He's saying put the shoe on the other foot. Put youself in OP's shoes. He was cancelled on at the last minute so she could spend time with another man. He had just gotten to town which means it was close to the time they had planned to meet. Wich means she either just found out her friend was leaving or she already knew and was scared to tell him so she waited till the last minute. If she just found out why coudn't she have called and apologized? She showed a total lack of respect to OP. You saying she didn't have to respond or answer her his text becuase she was hanging out with her friend makes no sense to me. She couldn't of taken 5 minutes to answer a call from the man she's been dating a month +? She would of had the REST of the night with her friend and she did. True colors is what it boils down to. While I do agree about setting boundaries in a relationship, when you're dealing with people with good character there's not much boundary setting to do. Besides, mutual respect is a must have for me. Not something that has to be enforced by a boundary discussion. 2
serial muse Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 She wrote me today. Saying she was sorry for not getting back because she wasn't in the right headspace and she feels terrible and will write an explanation later today. It's hard to imagine how "not being in the right headspace" equals texting someone rather than calling if you're making a last-minute change in plans... particularly when you know the other person has left other plans to be with you. I don't know that I think she was cheating on you with that guy, but I think she disrespected your time in favor of his, and that would have seriously ticked me off. It would be a shame if it turned out to be a true crisis of some sort, or that she was desperate to spend time with a long-lost friend...but if they are such close friends you'd think she know exactly when he was leaving sooner than the night before. And frankly there's nothing I can think of that would make it reasonable to text rather than giving you at least a brief, but decent, explanation over the phone. So, meh. (I admit, though, I'm curious to know what she would have said.)
Sanman Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 SG, I think a break up is more than justified not because of her cancellation at the last minute, but because the way in which she handled the situation signals fundental differences in the way these two treat people and dating. I would never treat even a stranger this way and do not respect people who do. Furthermore, her lax of even a phone call clearly means that she takes the relationship lightly. I am guessing the OP is not looking for casual or he would not have cared so much in the first place. She could have picked up the phone and offered to make it up to him another time, invited him to meet them, or spent a little time with the friend and met him a little later. She chose to essentially blow him off.
ChatroomHero Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 SG, I think a break up is more than justified not because of her cancellation at the last minute, but because the way in which she handled the situation signals fundental differences in the way these two treat people and dating. I would never treat even a stranger this way and do not respect people who do. Furthermore, her lax of even a phone call clearly means that she takes the relationship lightly. I am guessing the OP is not looking for casual or he would not have cared so much in the first place. She could have picked up the phone and offered to make it up to him another time, invited him to meet them, or spent a little time with the friend and met him a little later. She chose to essentially blow him off. Exactly. The fact that she did not call him meant she knew it was shady bs and knew by texting she would not be put on the spot. If she was honestly sorry as she indicated, she would have offered another day, offered to pay, offered to go out of her way, offered to cancel other plans with other people the next night or whatever. You get more than a, "Sorry Me Cancel Now" text. When a woman respects you and they have to cancel, the minimum you get is a call because a call is sincere, a text is a way to cower out of something when they care very little about the guy and to not have to think of an excuse on the fly if the OP challenged her likely lie. Plus how close of friends could she be with this guy if it was so important to hang with him before he left, yet she did not know what day he was leaving? That doesn't really add up. As someone else said, there is no worldly reason she could not have invited the OP if she was in fact telling the truth. None at all. So it amounts to the fact that she was lying and blowing him off. She deserved to be called out and she deserves to feel like an a-hole because she clearly is.
CptSaveAho Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 What sg is saying is he's acting like a pussy and women don't respect that... I said it in no uncertain terms as well .... I don't know about you but if a girl sends me that text and cancels via text... my response..."oh I'm sorry, I must have mistaken you for someone that wanted to hang out with a real man" and gone quiet But look what you did...responded by texts..called her up, got her voicemail etc Then posted here about how it bothered your feelings..... and the reason she flaked....I could guess a mile away from your actions alone and her flaking was justified and she won't contact you again unless she's bored out of her mind. Contrary to you blaming her and others calling her a coward...time to look at your own actions to see what caused her to bail like this this and fix this or its going to keep happening over and over again
phineas Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 woman I was supposed to meet tonight cancelled today. She started off yesterday by telling me her car broke down & she didn't know when it was going to be fixed. Then today before she cancelled she told me she had to walk to walmart. Her excuse for cancelling was because she had no car she had no way to get to where we are meeting. Except, she lives 5 mins away from me & the place we were supposed to meet is across the street from the walmart she walked to today. I didn't bother pointing this out & instead told her "NP". I strangely have not heard from her all day. Maybe I should give her a 2nd chance. :lmao:
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 What sg is saying is he's acting like a pussy and women don't respect that... I said it in no uncertain terms as well .... I don't know about you but if a girl sends me that text and cancels via text... my response..."oh I'm sorry, I must have mistaken you for someone that wanted to hang out with a real man" and gone quiet But look what you did...responded by texts..called her up, got her voicemail etc Then posted here about how it bothered your feelings..... and the reason she flaked....I could guess a mile away from your actions alone and her flaking was justified and she won't contact you again unless she's bored out of her mind. Contrary to you blaming her and others calling her a coward...time to look at your own actions to see what caused her to bail like this this and fix this or its going to keep happening over and over again She was the one in the wrong. She needs to conduct herself like an adult. 1
Nomad Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Girl I had been dating for over a month - seemed everything was going smoothly. She was a great girl - really kind, honest, sincere and we got along great. We had plans for Saturday night. I had to come back into town to meet her. So I just get back in, having left my friends back who wanted me to stay, and I get a text saying that a friend of hers was leaving town tomorrow and she wanted to spend the evening with him. Suggests we reschedule. At first I was like, ok, let me find out a bit more - so I called her, and got her VM. That annoyed me as I was thinking really? A text message? I text her back and ask her if she realizes I just drove all the way back to hang with her - and it's not like I can make alternative plans at this point. Her response was - she's really sorry and she knows shes a total a**hole. That's it. I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response. I mean, at this point, it's done. I don't want to deal with her, but I am genuinely hurt - not so much by the cancellation, but by the means it was done. I don't know, guess just wondering if I am justified in feeling the way I do and if I am right just to write this person off. Yea, that sucks, but if you're otherwise into her, I would let this pass and continue dating her. She did suggest you reschedule, which means she may actually still be interested in you. I've had at least one woman cancel a date by text message, asking if we can hang out "another time". Long, painful, story short, we never had another date. She clearly felt badly about it (or at least felt she had to pretend to feel badly), so I'd give her another chance if you can get over it. Maybe she felt her obligation to her friend outweighed her obligation to a guy she's known for a month; I don't know.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I would agree with you if OP didn't have to drive all the way to meet her... The reason why she could not meet him is because she wanted to see a friend? Why can't OP join them?... very suspicious. Uh, I wouldn't invite a guy I'm JUST DATING to meet my friend who's leaving town. Her not doing so is *hardly* "suspicious." Was she rude? Sure. Is he being a big baby over this? I think so.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 As someone else said, there is no worldly reason she could not have invited the OP if she was in fact telling the truth. None at all. So it amounts to the fact that she was lying and blowing him off. He's not her boyfriend. They're not serious. It's been a month of dating. If a guy I was dating in the early stages invited me to hang out with him and his friend?? Uh... awkward. And I bet he'd be just as pissed as he is now. "I drove allllll the way there, to hang out with her and her FRIEND? HOW RUDE!" She couldn't win in this situation. And his text and calls didn't help.
CptSaveAho Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 She was the one in the wrong. She needs to conduct herself like an adult. Ive made plans/dates with women and texted the day of that i didnt want to go out with said person, whether it be i wasnt feeling it or had someone else to hang out with There is nothing wrong with cancelling a date and I have never had a person blow up my phone afterwards, they usually say OK and thats it Funny thing is, they try to ask me out if i run into them in public... funny how that works out
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Ive made plans/dates with women and texted the day of that i didnt want to go out with said person, whether it be i wasnt feeling it or had someone else to hang out with There is nothing wrong with cancelling a date and I have never had a person blow up my phone afterwards, they usually say OK and thats it Funny thing is, they try to ask me out if i run into them in public... funny how that works out Um, no. First of all, you call not text. Second, she gives some BS line and last, she backs away like a passive coward. Childish and cowardly behavior at its finest.
CptSaveAho Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Let me know how being polite and proper is working out for you guys here on the forums... oh wait its not Time to put away the "nice" guy playbook and learn to date Tit for tat... ive had girls pull those "impolite" stunts on me, its dating, its part of the dance...they realize the next day they ****ed up and I still have 3 from last year circling even on the offchance you are dating a "good" one, you still have to drop a firecracker in the middle of the dance floor every now and then to get her emotions going
Eddie Edirol Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 .time to look at your own actions to see what caused her to bail like this this and fix this or its going to keep happening over and over again ^^^^This stood out to me reading the entire thread. OP, she probably was losing interest halfway through the month and you didnt catch on. THAT led to her blowing you off for this date. Never mind how she bailed on you, somehow you had to miss how she lost interest earlier on. In the case that she actually acted totally interested in you up to this point....well what canya do, its dating. People can change their minds, and they wont always do it the way YOU want them to. So when she blows you off, you blow her off. No use calling her out on it if your not going to see her again.
CptSaveAho Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 ^^^^This stood out to me reading the entire thread. OP, she probably was losing interest halfway through the month and you didnt catch on. THAT led to her blowing you off for this date. Never mind how she bailed on you, somehow you had to miss how she lost interest earlier on. . yup... his first post told me that.... "nice guy" doesnt work....and it wont ever work unless she cant find a good one and wants to settle... talk about being miserable for the rest of your life if you do happen to be one of thiese guys... here let me show you a great song
SJC2008 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 yup... his first post told me that.... "nice guy" doesnt work....and it wont ever work unless she cant find a good one and wants to settle... talk about being miserable for the rest of your life if you do happen to be one of thiese guys... here let me show you a great song Everything is nice guy and "be a man" to you. Dating isn't as black and white as you make it to be. Your dating advice will net an emotionally unavailable game player at best bro. Most everyone disagrees with you in this thread and you use your "Nice guys get back to me" card lol. Well, SoCalDude diagrees with you and he does very well (taking him at his word) with women. He started off good IMO in saying he just drove all the way out there. That tells here next time she needs to be more considerate of his time. TBS his next text saying 'just be honest' did come accross as insecure/"nice guy" and you wanna theory craft and say that's why she's flaking on him. Very well possible yes but you have been flaked on too right? You're not a nice guy you're an "alpha male" so why were YOU flaked on? Because she had something better to do and you were an after thought.
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Well, SoCalDude diagrees with you and he does very well (taking him at his word) with women. I do well because 1)I'm a model and 2)I don't do things that are carbon copies of things out of the PUA handbook. I also go out of my way to punk such losers and that comes off as masculine. Word of advice- The guys you see on forums bragging and spewing PUA nonsense are not at all successful in real life. Most of what they post is rewordings of posts from AskMen and that bodybuilding forum. Ive read many of the posts.
SJC2008 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 You can tell if youre into someone in a month of dating so hes at fault because he didnt comply with her game playing? Id probably do the same he did, its disrespect. Absoloutely. There's a lot of theory crafting and finger pointing at the OP. They had been dating a month and had been having sex. If she didn't like him it would have never gotten to that IMO. This is a true colors situation regaless of why situation. 1
CptSaveAho Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 find one thing that ive ever typed that has been copied out of a pua handbook or a forum... then report back... Im pretty sure that .time to look at your own actions to see what caused her to bail like this this and fix this or its going to keep happening over and over again will never be found in any pua handbook or any forum its called looking in the mirror and accepting one's actions and the consequences of those actions.... which NOBODY on this forum can see and do SJC is a prime example, he plays by the nice guy handbook... typical "its not as black and white as you think" blah blah (ive heard that a zillion times in my life and ends the same way every time... can't connect the dots and look in the mirror to see what he is doing and what everyone else like him is doing so instead of looking in the mirror, he and others attack the messenger... that person cant be right even though i havent/wont try it to see if it actually works PUAs had to get a playbook from somewhere, i wonder where they got it from and learned all the stuff they do now.... hmmmm... there just might be people that dont need a pua playbook or know it naturally
SJC2008 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 find one thing that ive ever typed that has been copied out of a pua handbook or a forum... then report back... Im pretty sure that will never be found in any pua handbook or any forum its called looking in the mirror and accepting one's actions and the consequences of those actions.... which NOBODY on this forum can see and do SJC is a prime example, he plays by the nice guy handbook... typical "its not as black and white as you think" blah blah (ive heard that a zillion times in my life and ends the same way every time... can't connect the dots and look in the mirror to see what he is doing and what everyone else like him is doing so instead of looking in the mirror, he and others attack the messenger... that person cant be right even though i havent/wont try it to see if it actually works PUAs had to get a playbook from somewhere, i wonder where they got it from and learned all the stuff they do now.... hmmmm... there just might be people that dont need a pua playbook or know it naturally You don't know why I struggle with women and I don't go by a nice guy handbook. I know I've had some nice guy tendancies to get rid and most of them are gone. I know how to play your tit for tat dating game and and you know what, it works! My point is you don't have to play games with the right person and the right person for me won't pull this shyt. Don't get me started about looking in the mirror either. I happen to be a very self aware person, especially over this last year. You don't define me or the man I am. I've got nothing to prove to you.
Author morbot_k Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 He's not her boyfriend. They're not serious. It's been a month of dating. If a guy I was dating in the early stages invited me to hang out with him and his friend?? Uh... awkward. And I bet he'd be just as pissed as he is now. "I drove allllll the way there, to hang out with her and her FRIEND? HOW RUDE!" She couldn't win in this situation. And his text and calls didn't help. I've already met some of her friends.
SJC2008 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 find one thing that ive ever typed that has been copied out of a pua handbook or a forum... then report back... I'd say the bold in the bottom quote is 100% PUA. Anyone else think so? .... I don't know about you but if a girl sends me that text and cancels via text... my response..."oh I'm sorry, I must have mistaken you for someone that wanted to hang out with a real man" and gone quiet
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