morbot_k Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Girl I had been dating for over a month - seemed everything was going smoothly. She was a great girl - really kind, honest, sincere and we got along great. We had plans for Saturday night. I had to come back into town to meet her. So I just get back in, having left my friends back who wanted me to stay, and I get a text saying that a friend of hers was leaving town tomorrow and she wanted to spend the evening with him. Suggests we reschedule. At first I was like, ok, let me find out a bit more - so I called her, and got her VM. That annoyed me as I was thinking really? A text message? I text her back and ask her if she realizes I just drove all the way back to hang with her - and it's not like I can make alternative plans at this point. Her response was - she's really sorry and she knows shes a total a**hole. That's it. I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response. I mean, at this point, it's done. I don't want to deal with her, but I am genuinely hurt - not so much by the cancellation, but by the means it was done. I don't know, guess just wondering if I am justified in feeling the way I do and if I am right just to write this person off.
salparadise Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I don't know, guess just wondering if I am justified in feeling the way I do and if I am right just to write this person off. Yes, you are completely justified in feeling that way. She blew you off for another guy and then wouldn't take you call. Next. 5
Author morbot_k Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Yes, you are completely justified in feeling that way. She blew you off for another guy and then wouldn't take you call. Next. thanks, i appreciate that
ChatroomHero Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I just went through the same thing. The hard part is at the very least you share a decent time, become at least more than a stranger, have enjoyable times and then at the end they flake on you and know you are going out of your way so it's almost like they purposely wait for the moment it will screw you the worst. What gets me is they would show more respect towards a rude car salesman or a complete stranger than to you. You have the right attitude though. Move on. If she ever did text you back im sure you'd get some bs making you look like the a-hole for calling her out and piss you off more. 1
Phoe Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Totally justified. You have no obligation to put up with people who do not respect your time. 2
CptSaveAho Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Girl I had been dating for over a month - seemed everything was going smoothly. She was a great girl - really kind, honest, sincere and we got along great. We had plans for Saturday night. I had to come back into town to meet her. So I just get back in, having left my friends back who wanted me to stay, and I get a text saying that a friend of hers was leaving town tomorrow and she wanted to spend the evening with him. Suggests we reschedule. At first I was like, ok, let me find out a bit more - so I called her, and got her VM. That annoyed me as I was thinking really? A text message? I text her back and ask her if she realizes I just drove all the way back to hang with her - and it's not like I can make alternative plans at this point. Her response was - she's really sorry and she knows shes a total a**hole. That's it. I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response. I mean, at this point, it's done. I don't want to deal with her, but I am genuinely hurt - not so much by the cancellation, but by the means it was done. I don't know, guess just wondering if I am justified in feeling the way I do and if I am right just to write this person off. Who cares if it is a text or phone call If there's a lesson to be learned here have more than one option yourself
Author morbot_k Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 thanks all, makes me feel a whole lot better.
Imajerk17 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) How did you meet this girl OP? I already suspected how this story would end when I read that she would rather spend the evening with *"him"* (i.e., a male friend as opposed to a female friend). My guess: There is some long-standing sexual history or tension with her "friend" and she decided to hook up with him tonight instead of seeing you. She probably couldn't/wouldn't tell you all this hence the cryptic texts and the disappearing act. The way she handled things was poor and disrespectful though. Next. Edited July 22, 2013 by Imajerk17 2
Lansing Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I agree with others. Really lame that she didn't tell you far enough in advance so you didn't have to drive back. Although one month isn't a long time, there should be an expectation of being treated with respect. I would move on in your situation to. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I mean, at this point, it's done. I don't want to deal with her, but I am genuinely hurt - not so much by the cancellation, but by the means it was done. I don't know, guess just wondering if I am justified in feeling the way I do and if I am right just to write this person off. Your choice to end things because she cancelled, without a conversation about said ending, is worse in "the means" in which you're ending things than the way she cancelled. IMO. 1
carhill Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I don't know, guess just wondering if I am justified in feeling the way I do and if I am right just to write this person off. Smile. You got a gift.
CptSaveAho Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Smile. You got a gift. In the dating world, this is not a gift but an insult. A response the op should have given to her text is "gay" and she would be banging his brains out in a week and then he should have dumped her afterwards for her ****ty behavior
carhill Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 In the dating world, this is not a gift but an insult. A response the op should have given to her text is "gay" and she would be banging his brains out in a week and then he should have dumped her afterwards for her ****ty behavior The gift is an early exit from an incompatible dynamic, along with the lessons learned. The next time this happens, the OP will be unlikely to be bringing his question here, rather will have learned and moved on without giving the interaction substantial thought, attention nor care. Gift. 2
Author morbot_k Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Your choice to end things because she cancelled, without a conversation about said ending, is worse in "the means" in which you're ending things than the way she cancelled. IMO. ???? I tried calling her and she did not pick up. And I texted her back and no response. She really didn't give me a choice. She wrote me today. Saying she was sorry for not getting back because she wasn't in the right headspace and she feels terrible and will write an explanation later today. I just deleted it. I'm sorry, but I'd never do that to anyone. Should I not be able to expect that I get the same treatment in return? As far as I am concerned what's there to say? 1
Author morbot_k Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 In the dating world, this is not a gift but an insult. A response the op should have given to her text is "gay" and she would be banging his brains out in a week and then he should have dumped her afterwards for her ****ty behavior We already had been having sex, not that is relevant to anything.
hoping2heal Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I'm sorry it didn't work out but man, did she show her true colors. That's what the early stages of dating are for though. You're totally justified and she's a flake so no big loss to you. Some other guy can put up with her wagon full of balonga. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 ???? I tried calling her and she did not pick up. And I texted her back and no response. She really didn't give me a choice. She wrote me today. Saying she was sorry for not getting back because she wasn't in the right headspace and she feels terrible and will write an explanation later today. I just deleted it. I'm sorry, but I'd never do that to anyone. Should I not be able to expect that I get the same treatment in return? As far as I am concerned what's there to say? I think you reacted appropriately. If her friend was moving out of town surely she would have known that prior to you coming for a date, no? She sounds like she's full of crap and the fact that she didn't pick up the phone? Makes things all the worse. 1
Author morbot_k Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I think you reacted appropriately. If her friend was moving out of town surely she would have known that prior to you coming for a date, no? She sounds like she's full of crap and the fact that she didn't pick up the phone? Makes things all the worse. Well she said she had originally thought he was leaving next week, but turned out it was the next morning. Still, I feel it was b.s.
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 ???? I tried calling her and she did not pick up. And I texted her back and no response. She really didn't give me a choice. She told you she was going out with her friend. Why would she be texting you or answering the phone when out with her friend? She wrote me today. Saying she was sorry for not getting back because she wasn't in the right headspace and she feels terrible and will write an explanation later today. I just deleted it. I'm sorry, but I'd never do that to anyone. Should I not be able to expect that I get the same treatment in return? As far as I am concerned what's there to say? I think you're overreacting. She texted you to tell you she was going to see her friend, and you responded with: "I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response." I wouldn't have responded to that either.
Imajerk17 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) She told you she was going out with her friend. Why would she be texting you or answering the phone when out with her friend? I think you're overreacting. She texted you to tell you she was going to see her friend, and you responded with: "I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response." I wouldn't have responded to that either. Here I disagree with you SG. --OP had to drive to see this girl. If she really had to cancel to see her friend she at least could have called to explain the situation (and to show the OP respect) instead of texting. --The "friend" was male. She basically put another guy's feelings before those of the OP. C'mon SG. If the situation were reversed and the OP had written "Hey I cancelled a date last minute, via text, with this girl I've been dating a month (she had to cut short her weekend with her friends and drive all that way to see me) to hang out with my female friend and now she won't talk to me anymore" you'd be ripping the guy a new one. And rightfully so. Edited July 22, 2013 by Imajerk17 4
ChatroomHero Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 She told you she was going out with her friend. Why would she be texting you or answering the phone when out with her friend? I think you're overreacting. She texted you to tell you she was going to see her friend, and you responded with: "I asked her just to be honest and say what's the real story here. No response." I wouldn't have responded to that either. Well if she had a real reason and not a lame excuse (as evident by her next lame excuse of her not being in "the right headspace"), I am sure she would have no problem replying. I think a tactic of women when being caught being in the wrong is to, "take the high road and not respond" to texts like that, when in reality, a stand up person would answer and apologize for an obvious excuse/lie. I have found in dating/relationships that whenever a woman doesn't answer something on principle, it's because there is no answer they can give in which they would not have to admit being wrong. She is jerking him around, how anyone could take her side in this situation is beyond me. 3
sabre80 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I'd be irked that I was not invited to meet said close friend before he leaves for town. No reason why anyone should not want SO and friends to meet. I have always wanted friends to become mutual friends with my relationships. 4
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