almond Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I read this post on another forum, and it scared the **** out of me: "The first one ruins you, bro. Almost everyone I know has had some experience similar to this. It sucks... probably one of the most devastating truths I've learned. No santa? OK. No God? Fine. I really can't grow up to be anything I want? **** it. But nothing ever comparing to that first, head-over-heels in love experience? It's just too much... and it's just so hard wrap your head around. And you're right... if I ran into my "first love" today, I really don't think that I would feel a thing for her. Those feelings are long, long gone. But to love again in the same way that I love her? It just feels like such an impossible thing to do, and I'm convinced that it is impossible. The first one ruins you, and then after that, you find a partner to settle down with, have a family, someone you love and trust but it's just not the same. *sigh*" I'm in a relationship with my first love still, and it may be coming to an end, so I sure hope this won't be the case. Share your experiences please.
chrisftw Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 why do you feel its coming to an end? and for the most part.. yes i agree. however disappointment stops becoming something you dwell on and more or less something you scratch your head about in slight frustration wondering wtf just happened but move on quickly.
Author almond Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Long, complicated story - mental illness popped up in partner, and it's a bad one basically. Don't want to derail the thread. It's here if you're interested.
iris219 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 First love is by no means the best, strongest, or most memorable love. I can't even remember the love I felt for my first love. The feelings I have for my current bf are stronger than any feelings I've had for anyone before him. 3
LittleTiger Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I married my first love - we got divorced and then he died. I still love him and nothing will ever compare to the way I loved him. However, I'm now engaged again and I'm more head over heels in love than I've ever been in my life - and it's completely different to what I felt for my first husband. So, don't worry about it. There is always room for someone new if you allow your heart to be open to it. 1
melodymatters Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 F*ck no. Those were shallow, immature infatuations masquerading as True Love to the young and inexperienced. I have had deeper feelings and better relationships with partners as I evolved and especially once I developed a better relationship with myself ! The best is yet to come !!!! 2
todreaminblue Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 The heart has the capacity for eternal love.......its inbuilt, first loves are intense but it doesnt matter how you love in the beginning only how you love at the end, If you feel you cant put your whole heart into someone...its your mind telling your heart that you cant.........its fear of having that chance to love again..and the risk of having your heart broken...not because you cant love that way again.....but because you fear it...thats only my opinion anyway .....deb
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I think first love is like first sex, you will never forget it, even if it wasn't that good. Nothing will compare because it is experiencing it for the first time. Love can only get better though, just like sex. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 And you're right... if I ran into my "first love" today, I really don't think that I would feel a thing for her. Those feelings are long, long gone. But to love again in the same way that I love her? It just feels like such an impossible thing to do, and I'm convinced that it is impossible. Share your experiences please. It seems paradoxical, but I can relate. My relationship with the best intimacy was my first LTR, which was with the second girl I ever dated. I really wasn't in love with her as much as with the relationship. But it was in that R where I felt the most open/available both emotionally and physically.
MissBee Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 First love is by no means the best, strongest, or most memorable love. I can't even remember the love I felt for my first love. The feelings I have for my current bf are stronger than any feelings I've had for anyone before him. Yea...first love is just first, that's all. First usually in a string of more loves and usually first before you meet even stronger or your strongest love connection. Usually you're a teen when you have your first love and honestly, your criteria, mentality, etc. are sooooo much different later on in life, that sometimes you look back and are like WTF did I ever even see in this person???? I think it's like your first time having sex, it's memorable because it's a new experience, the first time you're feeling all the sensations and emotions and there is a certain magic to the first time that cannot be replicated; however, just as sex usually gets better after your first time and you go on to have better and better sexual experiences, so too is it with the first love. It cannot be replicated and you won't have another first, but it isn't the best love for most people and you actually do move on and fall in love with others, with even more intensity most times
LittleTiger Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Yea...first love is just first, that's all. First usually in a string of more loves and usually first before you meet even stronger or your strongest love connection. Usually you're a teen when you have your first love and honestly, your criteria, mentality, etc. are sooooo much different later on in life, that sometimes you look back and are like WTF did I ever even see in this person???? I agree with what you say, in theory. However, your post, and a few others here really highlight how wide ranging a definition of 'love' can be. I'm 48 and I've only felt a deep and long lasting love for three men - and one of those wasn't even what I would call romantic love. My first love though (my first husband) began when I was 7 years old and he was 8. We were childhood sweethearts until our early teens, went our separate ways, got together romantically at 29/30, married at 34/35 and divorced at 44/45. My ex-sister in law and her husband met in primary school - they're now in their 50s and still happily married. So I do believe that 'first love' can be just as strong and 'mature' no matter old you are when it starts. I believe we're all capable of loving many people in many different ways. The real trick to finding happiness is self-awareness - knowing the difference between being 'carried away on cloud 9' and 'the real thing'. In my experience, you can definitely find 'the real thing' more than once. 1
sillyanswer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Share your experiences please. My first love and first relationship was great. Some other relationships have been equally great, but none of them have been the same.
Got it Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I read this post on another forum, and it scared the **** out of me: "The first one ruins you, bro. Almost everyone I know has had some experience similar to this. It sucks... probably one of the most devastating truths I've learned. No santa? OK. No God? Fine. I really can't grow up to be anything I want? **** it. But nothing ever comparing to that first, head-over-heels in love experience? It's just too much... and it's just so hard wrap your head around. And you're right... if I ran into my "first love" today, I really don't think that I would feel a thing for her. Those feelings are long, long gone. But to love again in the same way that I love her? It just feels like such an impossible thing to do, and I'm convinced that it is impossible. The first one ruins you, and then after that, you find a partner to settle down with, have a family, someone you love and trust but it's just not the same. *sigh*" I'm in a relationship with my first love still, and it may be coming to an end, so I sure hope this won't be the case. Share your experiences please. I am not sure I agree. While falling in love the first time was amazing, and I did marry him. I can say falling in love the second time mirrored similar emotions, experiences, etc. I am actually happier and more satisfied the second go around as I was so immature at 17 and on. Falling in love after 30, getting similar experiences/emotions but with a mature brain was amazing. And I understood myself and my sexuality so much better. My first love and I just didn't mesh that well sexually so finding all of it plus amazing sex . . . priceless.
CrazyConcept Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Nothing compares to first love, but it doesn't mean that's because it's sooooo good.
Treasa Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I barely remember my first anything when it comes to sex or love. I remember the best sometimes, but most of the time I'm living in the moment.
Els Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) I think you'll always remember the first time. Or at least, I do. That doesn't mean that nothing else will ever 'compare'. IMO, as you grow, you gain more knowledge of yourself, and a better capacity to love. You are then better placed to choose a person to give your love to, who will cherish it and love you back in the way you need. That's why the majority of people don't end up spending their lives with their first love. Fond memories are just that - fond memories. I'll still remember the first time I rode a bike, but that doesn't mean that I actually want to go back to that time. Edited July 22, 2013 by Elswyth 1
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