sigurpol Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 So yeah. I've been talking with this person for a few months now. At first everything seemed very forced and awkward and after the first month, it seemed natural. I would hear from her more often and there's a lot of picture exchanges (not dirty ones)- She suggested a few times that we do something so we can see each other, which again is a step up. Overall, things seem to be moving extremely slow and I don't know why. I know I can be an impatient person, so I try to slow myself down. But.. we've been talking like this, going on dates, all that stuff for about three months now. Nothing has been expressed until this week. Anyway, I didn't see her for three weeks due to our schedules and she ended up being out of town. She finally got back this week and I asked her about getting drinks or dinner one evening. When I met out with her, she called me and said if it was okay that her sister would be around? She would be leaving soon anyway. I didn't mind and ended up meeting her sister. A good time all around. The sister stayed the entire time and I offered her a ride home along with the girl I'm talking about. Once we got back to her place, we had a minute to ourselves in the car until I finally told her what was on my mind: where is this going? We're both pretty quirky people, maybe socially awkward sometimes, so it wasn't intense. I told her that I like seeing her a lot and would want to see more of her, that I'm not seeing anyone else right now and we've been going out once a week since April. I asked what she had in mind. Casual? Move forward? She kinda laughed and said she didn't know what to say. That she likes seeing me too, likes talking to me, but doesn't know what else to say. She added that she's very awkward when it comes to stuff like this and said I should "calm down" and let things go as they please. She also added that she hates "talks" like this and it makes her nervous, like she's in trouble. I said she wasn't in trouble, I didn't know what she was thinking and was seeing if we were on the same page. She would answer with, yeah, I like seeing and talking to you too. Still a grey area for me. I invited her out the next night to meet some of my friends and she said she would go. I texted her when I got home, letting her know I was safe and thanks for putting up with me. No response until later in the afternoon the next day when she said "I need food"- We chatted for two lines until she got quiet. Makes no sense. I asked if she was still looking to come out tonight and I could pick her up, maybe get dinner before hand. Hours later she texts me saying yeah, but she has a funeral to go to. So I should start without her and let her know where we end up. Around 830 I told her where I was. 10:30, she gets back to me telling me her plans got thwarted and her family got really drunk at dinner. I told her it wasn't a problem and asked if she was staying behind tonight. She replies with "staying behind where?" I can never tell if this is a joke or what. I forget what I said back, but I just mentioned that we're still out if she was interested. She said she was gonna catch up on sleep since "someone drank me under the table last night" and work the next day was rough. I told her no worries and to catch up on some sleep. She said "don't hate me, I'm staying at my parent's place tonight"- I added that we should do something soon then. No response that evening or the next day. Today she texted me about a video I told her to watch. When we're together, it's fine. Everything seems 'right', we feed off each other. But whenever I express anything to her, she seems to clam up. I don't know if it's nerves or what. At any rate, I'm just venting. Three months of trying to nudge things along and all I get are ambiguous messages that don't seem to mean anything.
Axee Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Somehow I get the feeling that she is not sure about you.. Think you need to take a call whether you are ok with that and give more time or pull the cord.. If she is worth it, maybe you could give it some more time..
Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 She sounds blah. I'd lose interest with someone like that. Maybe it's because you're chasing her. I find when guys chase me, I'm not really into them, until they back off and then I realize I miss the attention and chase them back. But I'm 20 so I think my immaturity is excused lol. Give her space. You're not exclusive yet so you're free to date others. If she feels that you're going cold on her, she might chase you because she's afraid of losing you and that will cause her to make up her mind, or she might let you go since she wasn't really interested in the first place. She sounds really young.
Axee Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 you wouldnt want to be with someone just because she chases you..once you express yourself then her interest will again wane..
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I texted her when I got home, letting her know I was safe and thanks for putting up with me. Why are you doing this to yourself? Seriously. No wonder you are putting up with her, you seem to have some self esteem issues. She's being very inconsiderate of your feelings, from her telling you you should "calm down" when you asked where things were going; to having her sister stay your entire date; to not turning up at the get together with your friends despite saying she would. There is only one word for all of this and it's "disrespectful". Why you are tolerating this is beyond me.
Woop1337 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Based on personal experience. You feel it, when a woman likes you, you feel it in your gut. Cut the cord gradually because thats rude, if abrupt. but if u like being just friends with her then keep in touch wih her.
Author sigurpol Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 She sounds blah. I'd lose interest with someone like that. Maybe it's because you're chasing her. I find when guys chase me, I'm not really into them, until they back off and then I realize I miss the attention and chase them back. But I'm 20 so I think my immaturity is excused lol. Give her space. You're not exclusive yet so you're free to date others. If she feels that you're going cold on her, she might chase you because she's afraid of losing you and that will cause her to make up her mind, or she might let you go since she wasn't really interested in the first place. She sounds really young. She's in her mid 20's (I'm in my later) but yeah, I found it to be immature. I understand the idea of being awkward and fumbling through talks like that, we're both a little quirky I guess, but I was at least hoping to settle SOMEthing when I brought it up to her. I figured after three months of this, it was appropriate. I decided that I would let her take the wheel from here. I'll speak when spoken to and be civil, but I'm backing off almost entirely. Why are you doing this to yourself? Seriously. No wonder you are putting up with her, you seem to have some self esteem issues. She's being very inconsiderate of your feelings, from her telling you you should "calm down" when you asked where things were going; to having her sister stay your entire date; to not turning up at the get together with your friends despite saying she would. There is only one word for all of this and it's "disrespectful". Why you are tolerating this is beyond me. I kinda threw that in there in an endearing way. I wouldn't say I have self esteem issues (or maybe I do? I don't know, I don't think less of myself) but I have a problem of aiming low. I guess. I think you've hit the nail on the head, it is pretty disrespectful. I'm not a demanding person and I don't ask for much. Like I wrote above, I was hoping to tie a few loose ends by bringing up "what are you thinking?"- and instead it was more about why she doesn't like 'talks'- even after I sent that final text, I didn't hear anything until 12 hours later about how she was hungry. Bizarre. Again, I'll be civil with her but I don't plan on making plans anymore after this. She's been skiddish before, or at least it seems, and I pointed it out during our "talk"- to which again said she felt like she was in trouble and doesn't want me waiting around for her to answer.
Author sigurpol Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 How physical has this relationship become? Nothing intense. No sex or anything like that. We're both kinda reserved people.
PlumPrincess Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I might say that when I like the guy, but found him too passive. I don't want a guy who asks me in which direction things are going. I'd prefer him to be decisive and to make a move and push the relationship forward. BUT, in your case, considering her behavior after the talk, I would say, she wasn't interested or had other reasons. If she had been interested, she would have met you and given you an opportunity to make your move, but it looks like she's avoiding you.
Author sigurpol Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I might say that when I like the guy, but found him too passive. I don't want a guy who asks me in which direction things are going. I'd prefer him to be decisive and to make a move and push the relationship forward. BUT, in your case, considering her behavior after the talk, I would say, she wasn't interested or had other reasons. If she had been interested, she would have met you and given you an opportunity to make your move, but it looks like she's avoiding you. I see what you mean. I suppose in a sense I did something to move things foward: communicating feelings and thoughts I have. I'm not one to tell anyone what's best for them and I want to know what they think too, if that's too passive for them then I don't want to be involved with something like that at all. Which is why I feel the way that I do now: I'm finished initiating anything and will back off. But yeah, I agree with everything else. If she felt the same way, she would have expressed it. Instead I get text messages days later that convey nothing.
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I'm backing off almost entirely. This is a very smart decision.
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