ruby77 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Hi all, Im feeling a little lost again and could do with some advice. Boyfriend and I broke up 3.5 months ago after 3.5 years together and I inititated the split as we were not right for each other but it still hurt like hell. I was a complete mess, never thought it would hit me so hard and although I had been feeling better, still haven't been right since. So...3 weeks ago I went to a wedding. A friend of a friend was there who has said before that he liked me and we ended up in bed together. I didn't think it would do any harm, he knows my situation and I made it clear I wasn't ready for a relationship and he was ok with that. But then we started texting, and met up a couple of weekends in a row and all of a sudden I realised I was developing feelings for him and I freaked out. Ive just told him we need to cool it for a bit because im not ready but now the thought of not now seeing him is upsetting me. Then I think is the only reason I've been feeling better from the break upis because I've had attention from this other guy and does that mean I can't be happy without a man. I need to learn to be happy on my own and independent before I can think of another relationship but that scares the hell out of me. Im a mess again, crying, not eating, not sleeping. I really dont know what's going on in my head at the moment, can anyone shed some light?? Thanks :-)
Chi townD Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Could be a number of reasons. You slept with some other guy. Something you never thought of doing because you were with your Ex for 3.5 years. Well, it's only been 3.5 months and I speculate that you're still mourning the loss of your relationship. By having sex with someone else made it real. That he isn't coming back and the chances of reconciliation are nil. In the moment, it probably felt great, but afterwards, it may have left you more alone and confused. You may have even felt like you cheated on your Ex. And it sounds like the experience put you back to square one. My advice, take time for yourself. You need to completely come to grips and mourn the loss of your relationship. Time to heal and move on.
Author ruby77 Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Hi, thanks for your reply. I do think that I had already accepted that the relationship was over, I felt like I was ready to move on and have some fun but obviously not. The thing is, its clear that I need to take more time to get over this like you say but how long before I will be ready before freaking out again? It feels like its been so long already, I just want to get on with my life!!
Matt10 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Hi there. Sounds like your in a big situation. It probably wasnt the best that you went and had another sexual relation right after your break up because that only makes it worse. You thought you were getting over your ex but truly you weren't and almost seems like you were forcing it . It's a tough situation to even comment on Please comment on mine if you get a chance
Chi townD Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Hi, thanks for your reply. I do think that I had already accepted that the relationship was over, I felt like I was ready to move on and have some fun but obviously not. The thing is, its clear that I need to take more time to get over this like you say but how long before I will be ready before freaking out again? It feels like its been so long already, I just want to get on with my life!! Hard to say. Different strokes for different folks. You have to remember that you dedicated yourself to one guy for several YEARS! Those feelings can't be turned off like a light switch. It's going to take some time. So, use this time to re-invent yourself. It's okay to be on your own for a while. So, enjoy the time of not having to answer to anyone else, do what you want without clearing it with someone first....there are perks to being single!
aloneinaz Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I disagree with the fact that you came to grips with the fact your relationship was over and started sleeping with and seeing a new person. I don't think it's bad at all. I don't subscribe to the notion that you have to "reflect" and "mourn" a failed relationship for months and months. If you think the time is right to date and are enjoying the company of a new guy, enjoy it! My ex and i were off/on most of the year till 7 weeks ago when she ended it again. At that point, I said ENOUGH.. I'm done with her and her emotional instability. I was jacked up for a couple of weeks then got mad at myself and started dating again. I think it was the best thing I could have done. I've dated several women, slept with several as well. It's just sex. It two adults that want to enjoy each other bodies. I've met two girls I really liked. One already was disqualifed for being a stupid game player. A couple weeks later I met another woman who I like even more. I've been seeing her for a couple of weeks now and so far so good. Do I still think of my toxic ex? Of course. I don't hurt anymore, I only get mad at myself for putting up w/so much BS from her and not dumping her months ago. I think if people feel up to it, they should pick themselves up and get back on the horse as soon as possible. This site is littered with folks who stay in limited contact w/the dumper and sit at home for months clinging to the hope of reconciliation vs. saying "you don't want me in your life? You got it!" and then moving on with finding someone who does. In most cases, they are still STUCK and are miserable for not going NC and moving on with their lives. Don't take the dating so serious. Let you emotions flow. Enjoy the company of the opposite sex and realize everyone gets rejected. It our choice in how we handle it. 1
Author ruby77 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 I do agree with you there and that's why I started seeing this other guy. The problem was when I started having feelings for him and thought that it could end up in another relationship and I freaked out. Why is that?
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