Hoover67 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 OK so i have been going out with my girlfriend for almost five years. During the early stages of our relationship we moved away from home, halfway around the world. While living away my girlfriend went back home on vacation without me. The first night back she got super drunk and made out with an old interest from college. She told me the very next day about what happened. I of course took it very hard but after time forgave her and things went back to normal. Exactly one year later the same thing happened only this time she waited to tell me about what she did. When she arrived back to our place she waited two days to tell me about what she did. Needless to say i exploded and we didn't talk for a while but still lived together. We began to talk in the week after she told me but i found it impossible to forgive or get the actions out of my mind. She decided to go to therapy and really took her mistake serious. After both of these mistakes she some how hurt me even more a week ago by going out with friends and doing the same thing again. She got blackout drunk and kissed another guy from work. This time she wait to find out if she really did kiss another guy before telling me. It took about 2 or 3 days beofre she told me. It seems like on the year date she has done the same thing for the past three years. I feel like a fool but the crazy thing is i do love her and I could see myself being with her but at this point i don't know how i could ever trust her again. How could things ever get back to normal? I really don't know what to do, I am lost. Should I just end it after three chances or do you think their is a chance she could change? Am I a fool for thinking she can change and wanting to give it another try? Anyways just wanted some other thoughts or opinions. How would some of you handled this problem? Am I dumb for still loving her?
Talulah Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 You're not dumb for loving her. She is dumb for getting herself in situations where she can mess up again. BTW, how old are you?
Author Hoover67 Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Thanks for the reply I am 28 years old,
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 OK so i have been going out with my girlfriend for almost five years. During the early stages of our relationship we moved away from home, halfway around the world. While living away my girlfriend went back home on vacation without me. The first night back she got super drunk and made out with an old interest from college. She told me the very next day about what happened. I of course took it very hard but after time forgave her and things went back to normal. Exactly one year later the same thing happened only this time she waited to tell me about what she did. When she arrived back to our place she waited two days to tell me about what she did. Needless to say i exploded and we didn't talk for a while but still lived together. We began to talk in the week after she told me but i found it impossible to forgive or get the actions out of my mind. She decided to go to therapy and really took her mistake serious. After both of these mistakes she some how hurt me even more a week ago by going out with friends and doing the same thing again. She got blackout drunk and kissed another guy from work. This time she wait to find out if she really did kiss another guy before telling me. It took about 2 or 3 days beofre she told me. It seems like on the year date she has done the same thing for the past three years. I feel like a fool but the crazy thing is i do love her and I could see myself being with her but at this point i don't know how i could ever trust her again. How could things ever get back to normal? I really don't know what to do, I am lost. Should I just end it after three chances or do you think their is a chance she could change? Am I a fool for thinking she can change and wanting to give it another try? Anyways just wanted some other thoughts or opinions. How would some of you handled this problem? Am I dumb for still loving her? It doesn't sound like she should drink. Some people can't handle drugs or alcohol and do some pretty ****ty stuff. At the same time, this is twice now that she's done that. It sounds like she has some issues, but I don't think I'd put up with that, personally. Nobody is ever dumb for loving someone and being forgiving, but ask yourself if you're doing yourself any favors for allowing this to happen again and again? Is it something you want to deal with? 1
Talulah Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 OK, so I get really flirty when I drink too and one night I ended up getting smashed (St. Patty's) and I ended up asking one our mutual friends out. I told my boy about later, but he didn't get mad and our friend apologized. But after that I didn't get that drunk unless my boy was there with me. And I was 28 at the time. But at this age, she should not put herself in that position.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 OK, so I get really flirty when I drink too and one night I ended up getting smashed (St. Patty's) and I ended up asking one our mutual friends out. I told my boy about later, but he didn't get mad and our friend apologized. But after that I didn't get that drunk unless my boy was there with me. And I was 28 at the time. But at this age, she should not put herself in that position. Drink isn't an excuse, but it can really screw with someone's inhibitions. My ex told me her ex came up and kissed her once and she was hesitant to tell me. She thought I'd leave her or scold her. I simply asked her, "Do you love him still? Do you want him?" She said no and that was the end of it.
Combo Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 My ex did exactly the same when we were in college. I forgave her and about 5 years down the line I was dealing with hurt a thousand times worse when she had a full blown affair. The warning signs were there in the lack of loyalty early on with smaller mistakes which I forgave, but people like that don't change. There's a line that once crossed just gets easier to cross again the future. She knows how much it hurt you the first time but did it again and again. Personally I wouldn't hesitate to dump her. Plenty of fish in the sea, etc. Good luck. 1
Keenly Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Obviously it doesn't bother her to be infidelous. She has Zero remorse and she knows she can get away with it. Go make out with a random girl and see how she feels. 1
veggirl Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I think you should break up with her because as Keenly said, she knows she can get away with it so why would she change? She cheated on you 3x in your relationship, sorry but that's ridiculous. not to mention it was "only kissing" as far as you know. This girl will never learn, at least not while she is with you.
itto ogami Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Getting drunk and doing something is truly the lamest excuse anybody can make. I've been smashed outta my gourd and NEVER didn't know what I was doing.
Echo000 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 ya..^^ agreed. Thats terrible. and Pathetic on her part. Your not lame your just attached and you love her. But she has betrayed you MULTIPLE times now. Effectively, she has told you she doesnt care or love you enough to stay true to you. Yeah, dump her. And go NC. If she changes (although i doubt it) she will get back in touch with you. After enough time has passed, you can make a decision if there is one to make.
catcher Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 i kinda think when you consistently make mistakes when you are drunk then thats when you need to say 'i cant drink this way'. drinking is an excuse for it happening but there is no excuse for drinking in the first place when u have that pattern. it annoys me that u can either be a drinker or not socialize much. some ppl are seriously terrible on alcohol. i think you should break up with her for good because you cant be wondering what she is doing everytime she drinks and it is unlikly she is going to stop.
JDPT Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 What will she do next when she is under the influence of alcohol? Are you prepared for that? She clearly does not learn from her mistakes and continues to commit them over and over again leaving your hurt in the process. I'm not sure how many more times you can forgive this person she clearly has not regards for ramifications as you always "forgive her" for her actions and move along. You need to really analyze the situation and make a decision for your own good.
coffee Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 She seems to have a problem with alcohol since she was drunk all three times. If she doesn't get help it's only going to get worse. She'll wake up one morning in bed with a guy, or 2, or 3. If she gets help and you love her, you may be able to make it work. If she doesn't get help, I'd keep it moving. It's only going to end up in more heart break for you. 1
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