BLS Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I've come a long way. 2.5 year relationship. BU 4 months ago. Started NC 2 weeks after. I've developed new interests, worked on myself, started new treks in life. I am slowly becoming a better, happier, ME. Occasionally I hear new things about her, but avoid it for the most part. I feel proud to say that my willpower has been adamant with regards to NC (albeit a scratch here or there, however I haven't spoken to her in nearly 4 months). I am in a new relationship of sorts, I usually have friends around to keep me occupied. I am a focused person with goals and plans. However, all that being said, I miss her. My reality seems to be that even 4 months into NC she is what I think about before I sleep at night, she is who I dream about and SHE is the root of at least 70% of my daily stressors. I feel like I am totally capable of getting of getting a hotter girl, but even thoughts of myself with 10/10 women doesen't make me miss my EX's personality any less. She's a person I can picture myself with in the future. I am doing what I do now because I want to become a BETTER person for me. In the back of my mind I picture myself a better person in the coming months in order to get her back. Do the feelings ever really go away..?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Yes they go away, but you have to let them. 3
SimonSerenade Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Sorry to hear she's still on your mind :/, it does go away eventually but just not as soon as you'd like for most dumpees, I'm in the same boat, it's been almost 2 months since the last time I heard anything from my ex gf, we were together for a year and a half, she was pure evil toward the end of the relationship yet like you she's still all over my mind, I went on a date a few weeks after the break up with a beautiful girl who was probably one of the nicest people I'd ever met yet she wasn't the woman I loved so it didn't count for anything. Before she came along it took a long time to get over the ex before her but it happened, it took a good year and a half to move on completely and open myself up again but that happened too, time and space for yourself takes it away, don't push yourself and as hard as it is stay strong. Right now the hardest thing for me is knowing she was completely over me the moment she walked out the door and the fact that she's probably been with other people by, I've had to accept that and live with it, some things are just out of your control and there the things that aren't worth thinking about. I miss her and I won't lie, I'd love nothing more than a new and better version of her turn up at my door someday ready for one last try but I'm a realist and I know better than to get my hopes up over something that won't happen, it doesn't make it any easer though, I haven't been with anybody else since her, just the thought of it is too much to bare but I cope and I move along there's nothing wrong with being happy on your lonesome.
ballycastle Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I miss her and I won't lie, I'd love nothing more than a new and better version of her turn up at my door someday ready for one last try but I'm a realist and I know better than to get my hopes up over something that won't happen, it doesn't make it any easer though, I haven't been with anybody else since her, just the thought of it is too much to bare but I cope and I move along there's nothing wrong with being happy on your lonesome. Yes it's I guess about being happy on your lonesome. I am almost 18 months post BU and 6 months NC with almost a year of breadcrumbs and crap beforehand and me altering my behaviour hoping they will come back. You will always have things to remind you of them, but fill them with good memories. For the time being for me, although lonely I need to fill it with me and only me and only then will I be able to give to the next potential partner. It's funny, just come back from a drink with girlfriends after hearing them spend a majority of the evening complaining about how annoying their partners are! At least whilst single we don't have the stresses/moans of our partners, so enjoy that at least!
supaflyz Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Feelings will eventually fade, but memories won't ever fade. I still remember stuff when I was 3 or 4 years old. I still remember my old friends since elementary school.
Author BLS Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Yes they go away, but you have to let them. What does it even mean to "let them" go...? I'm sure nobody here WANTS to hold onto emotions that cause them insurmountable grief. If it was as simple as just "letting them go", there would be no issue here.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 What does it even mean to "let them" go...? I'm sure nobody here WANTS to hold onto emotions that cause them insurmountable grief. If it was as simple as just "letting them go", there would be no issue here. I think at some point, bad feelings take a familiar (albeit bad) role. You need to continue to push to rid yourself. I am not saying its easy. Far from it, but start to ask yourself the next time you are awash with the pain...could you be using that pain as a touchstone? Like, internally saying, "yes, I still love her" maybe gives a bit of comfort? Just a thought you should explore...
steveT95 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You can let feelings go. It isn't easy and it isn't controllable. But after a certain amount of time of grieving, an inner calm will wash over you. You'll brush yourself down and move on. This may happen in the first few weeks or it may happen months or even years after the break up. It all depends on how you deal with the emotions. You mustn't wallow in them. You should accept that that is how you feel and truly process the emotions, and then they will begin to leave you. The memories will go to. It takes longer and usually takes the distraction of another lover or something similar but they will go, in time. I am still haunted by my ex's smile when I complimented her on her birthday. Even though it was 6 months ago. I don't always have these memories and they will become less frequent as time passes. One day, if you're really lucky, you will be able to remember them as happy memories but be detached from them so they are nothing more than distant happy memories of just another time in your life. 1
tcd421 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I am in a unique scenario, i made the mistake of getting involved with a neighbor, she ended things between us. Every time I see her its hard not to get angry with what happened. But have not talked to her in 3 months.
ruby77 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Yup, they most definitely do go away. How long did it take you?
Author BLS Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I suppose 3 or 4 months is relatively short considering a 30 month relationship. Many things I have read say it takes about 1/2 the length of the relationship to recover fully. I guess only time will tell.
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