Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I'm casually dating this one guy D who was introduced to me through a close friend A. A and D have been best friends for years. A knew I was single, and D is single so he arranged a meet and greet for us, and came along and brought a friend. The 4 of us went on a lunch date, then icecream, then back to A's house for a hot tub party. Two days later D starts texting me, which he does every day for a week, leading up to a date just the 2 of us on a Saturday. A also said that D told him I was attractive and awesome. Me and D went for a walk in a park and then icecream. After that date, D literally drops off the face of the earth. His work got very busy since he had to work on a project that had a fast approaching due date. After our date, D texted me that he had a good time and enjoyed my company. So I don't think it's me. I also don't seem to be able to have feelings for D. He's a really nice guy, attractive, smart and sweet, but I feel no butterflies, no excitement, nothing. Do I keep trying? He hasn't contacted me for 2 weeks since, and I sent him a text recently saying that I want to hang out and he agreed but didn't give me an exact date and seemed lukewarm. Frankly I'm thinking I should just cut off contact because I'm don't seem to be developing feelings for him (but he's a good guy and I figured maybe I should try again, because 2 dates isn't enough time for me to be able to do that). In all, I've basically known him for 3 weeks.
hoping2heal Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 It sounds like he doesn't have any feelings for you either. He's probably just trying to distance himself from you combined with trying to awkwardly maneuver around the dynamic since you share a mutual friend. Tell him how you feel and you can both stop pretending to like each other and just be friends.
SoulJazzBlues Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Two dates andno contact for three weeks does not equal casually seeing, it doesn't really equal anything, There could be a billion and one reason why he dropped off. Maybe he got the same non attraction vibe you had and decided to mov on 1
sillyanswer Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 If you haven't heard from him for 3 weeks then you're not casually seeing him (anymore). Sorry.
BluEyeL Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Yes, he is not interested. The text after is usually a good sign, but if there is no follow up with a next date, then it doesn't mean anything other than being polite. I've had several guys who after the first and/or second date sent the expected text/email with "had a good time etc.", but they didn't end up dating me or asking me on the next date. I almost always got the text, except when it was extremely clear that we were on a "bad" date, which maybe happened once in 20 dates. So yes, I'd move on and not contact him. If he is interested, he'll resurface.
Author Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Thanks all for the replies! Yeah, I certainly don't see it as a loss to move on. It would be nice to be friends, since I do enjoy spending time with him, but regardless of his positive points I'm not attracted to him whatsoever. I haven't thought about him at all since our last date so this shouldn't be difficult. I feel like the thought of continuing to try is sapping my energy. I think I didn't want to let him go before because he seems like he'd be very committed and I'm looking for an R right now, not a casual fling.
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Frankly I'm thinking I should just cut off contact because I'm don't seem to be developing feelings for him Unless you are psychotic, you cannot develop feelings for someone you've met twice and haven't seen in weeks. You should cut contact because he's obviously not interested in dating you. Like someone else pointed out you are not seeing him casually, you are not seeing him at all, you've only had a date and a half. Just move on and forget about this guy. I wouldn't bother with him even if he tried to contact you at some point in the future, he'll just waste your time.
desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Thanks all for the replies! Yeah, I certainly don't see it as a loss to move on. It would be nice to be friends, since I do enjoy spending time with him, but regardless of his positive points I'm not attracted to him whatsoever. I haven't thought about him at all since our last date so this shouldn't be difficult. I feel like the thought of continuing to try is sapping my energy. I think I didn't want to let him go before because he seems like he'd be very committed and I'm looking for an R right now, not a casual fling. I would move on - it doesn't sound like you're interested, and tbh, a text saying the date was nice, without any suggestion of a follow up date tends to mean that the other party is not particularly interested in meeting again (in my experience). I know how annoying it is when guys seem really enthusiastic (saying you are awesome etc) then drop off the face of the earth, but it seems to be something they do, which you can't put too much stock into. It's good you're not interested, chalk it upto experience! Good luck.
Author Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Unless you are psychotic, you cannot develop feelings for someone you've met twice and haven't seen in weeks. My thoughts exactly. My friend A assured me that D is bad with communication, and that he's been like that with all his girlfriends. But that just comes off as disinterest. I think D prefers girls who are drama-filled. Some ex gf dumped him because she wanted to see his reaction. Another gf dumped him via a post-it note. A says D is being very cautious and not putting his eggs in one basket. However THAT level of caution is coming off as disinterest. Which is why I'm not going to bother anymore. 1
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