Treasa Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I haven't, and I'm not lying either. And I believe I'm older than him, so he's the second. 5
kaylan Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Words show what someone believes in their heart. And this can have a negative impact on someones life whether or not they physically harm or vandalize. What if this woman was a manager where she works? You think her racist views wouldnt affect who she hires? Thats one example of how non-physical racism harms people. Its idiotic to me how someone people try to veil racism as "keeping it real" or "not being PC". Its stupidity is what it is. Edited July 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 7
MissBee Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 A lady is part of my social circle. I am thinking about asking her out, but wanted to get opinions about her racial slurs. She has made a racial slur on a few occasions (out of about a dozen times we've hung out in a group). The TV news showed an ethnic minority criminal suspect caught on surveillance camera doing a brutal crime. She remarked "f'ing ***." Then the Zimmerman verdict was being discussed on the news. She had a short racial slur remark for him. Finally, the other night, an ethnic minority driver cut her off and she said a racial remark under her breath "***!" She is otherwise cultually sensitive when interacting with people of different ethnicities (co-workers, customers, authorities, children, volunteers, public). I am wondering: Are her racial slurs are something I should address with her, or are they part of a deeper problem I should avoid getting involved any further? I wouldn't date someone who goes around making racial slurs. I wouldn't "address" it...I'd just be turned off. Period. It's a red flag based on what you value or are willing to tolerate. She sounds.....delightful.... 2
MissBee Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Sensitive hippie. This is so lame. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, does this at some point. Every person that I have ran across in my life, even the most liberal of them, have done this. And if you claim you haven't, you're lying. I don't know what planet you're living on, but I've NEVER done this....yes...NEVER! If I'm pissed off at someone or upset, I may swear, but sorry, racial slurs do not fly out of my mouth automatically, I don't even have to think about it! It has NEVER happened. This isn't some "natural" thing that all people do. People who get upset and their first response is to call others out of their name and use racial slurs are operating at a level that is quite different from normal. 4
desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 This would be a big sign to me to back off. This is a value that I couldn't compromise on. The fact she's being open about it in front of you could mean that she doesn't even realise how outdated/wrong these opinions/words are? 3
KungFuJoe Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Sensitive hippie. This is so lame. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, does this at some point. Every person that I have ran across in my life, even the most liberal of them, have done this. And if you claim you haven't, you're lying. You're deluded if you think this is true. Or maybe you need to get out of the deep south. Most people do NOT scream out "effing n*gger" or "that gook!" if they get "wronged" by someone of a specific ethnicity. Those people are racists and I want nothing to do with them. 3
Author Col1 Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 I'm the OP. Thank you for your replies - your points of view are appreciated. Only you know your own deal breakers. If racist behaviour is a deal breaker, then that's your answer. Personally, what you are describing would make me very uncomfortable and I wouldn't contact them. Of course she is going to act normal at work, she s not going to risk her job is she? Red flag. Either closet racist or very low education. I usually call people *******s or jerks if they piss me off (which is bad enough... ). The hard call for me is: she only uses racial slurs (three that I've heard) when the person is acting inhumanely or very rude. I wouldn't think it was red flag if she substituted a word like "as*hole" or "idiot" instead. She will not make racial remarks when refering to someone of color on TV doing something normal. I think it's fine that Trayvon called Zimmerman a creepy ass cracker and it's sad that if Zimmerman had called Trayvon anything that fact a lone would put him in Jail right now. This is lady in the OP (who is a friend of a friend, and who I am considering asking out) said something similar to this quote. In a way she was supporting Trayvon (even though she had previously slurred a black criminal suspect on TV news). Equal opportunity hater maybe?! The next time she uses a racial slur in my presence, I am going to say something like "If you mean he is being a sh*thead then say that word instead of making it about his race." If she responds positively, then there is some hope.
KungFuJoe Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I am not saying people are in the middle of the street screaming racial slurs. I am saying that people have been guilty of doing this privately at least ONCE in their life, and that it is not that big of a deal (to all you sensitive hippies out there). No need to express your bigoted stereotypes of people that live in the southern region of America either. I am not located there. I've never done this. Not ONCE. Not publicly, not privately. 2
Robert Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) This thread is about whether or not you would date someone who made racial slurs as outlined in the OP or if you consider them warnings. Any posts not on topic will be deleted and earn an infraction. Thanks Edited July 21, 2013 by Robert
PlumPrincess Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I'm the OP. Thank you for your replies - your points of view are appreciated. The hard call for me is: she only uses racial slurs (three that I've heard) when the person is acting inhumanely or very rude. I wouldn't think it was red flag if she substituted a word like "as*hole" or "idiot" instead. She will not make racial remarks when refering to someone of color on TV doing something normal. This is lady in the OP (who is a friend of a friend, and who I am considering asking out) said something similar to this quote. In a way she was supporting Trayvon (even though she had previously slurred a black criminal suspect on TV news). Equal opportunity hater maybe?! The next time she uses a racial slur in my presence, I am going to say something like "If you mean he is being a sh*thead then say that word instead of making it about his race." If she responds positively, then there is some hope. I don't know, it's just not my style. But well, give it a try and tell her that you don't like that kind of comments very much. Maybe she will reconsider. You have nothing to lose.
kaylan Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I'm the OP. Thank you for your replies - your points of view are appreciated. The hard call for me is: she only uses racial slurs (three that I've heard) when the person is acting inhumanely or very rude. I wouldn't think it was red flag if she substituted a word like "as*hole" or "idiot" instead. She will not make racial remarks when refering to someone of color on TV doing something normal. This is lady in the OP (who is a friend of a friend, and who I am considering asking out) said something similar to this quote. In a way she was supporting Trayvon (even though she had previously slurred a black criminal suspect on TV news). Equal opportunity hater maybe?! The next time she uses a racial slur in my presence, I am going to say something like "If you mean he is being a sh*thead then say that word instead of making it about his race." If she responds positively, then there is some hope. Dont make excuses for her OP. Her behavior or real feelings are unlikely to change. But if you are ok with dating a closet racist, so be it. 2
PlumPrincess Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Dont make excuses for her OP. Her behavior or real feelings are unlikely to change. But if you are ok with dating a closet racist, so be it. I think he should try. It might be a relict from her upbringing that nobody ever brought up to her attention. If she refuses, he can still move on.
coffee Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 A lady is part of my social circle. I am thinking about asking her out, but wanted to get opinions about her racial slurs. She has made a racial slur on a few occasions (out of about a dozen times we've hung out in a group). The TV news showed an ethnic minority criminal suspect caught on surveillance camera doing a brutal crime. She remarked "f'ing ***." Then the Zimmerman verdict was being discussed on the news. She had a short racial slur remark for him. Finally, the other night, an ethnic minority driver cut her off and she said a racial remark under her breath "***!" She is otherwise cultually sensitive when interacting with people of different ethnicities (co-workers, customers, authorities, children, volunteers, public). I am wondering: Are her racial slurs are something I should address with her, or are they part of a deeper problem I should avoid getting involved any further? I'd run far away. She seems like the type to throw a rock and hide her hand. Just imagine how she'll talk to you if you make her mad.
ls32ssibm Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Every white person I've ever met who gets super offended by racism or racist jokes is either a closet racist themselves or, if a girl, is a ghetto-surfer as they call them (they dig on black guys). I wouldn't let it bother you too much. Look who is in the White House at the moment, he's probably one of the biggest racists in the country. 1
steveT95 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I second everything StoneColdMike has said. I will be totally honest. I regularly say racial slurs. Think of me as you will. I don't believe people are different because of there race or skin colour. Sometimes n*gger comes more naturally than black person. I have nothing against them and have several black friends. I come from an area that has only recently had a larger number of people that weren't white. For a very long time out of a population of about 10,000 there was only one black family. It's just how it is down here. (and when I say down here, I don't mean the deep-south, I'm in the UK) A lot of my family say words like 'nig-nog' because it is how they've been brought up. But they wouldn't ever discriminate against a black person. My aunties is very PC but she slips up sometimes. There was a black person my Dad used to know, his nickname was 'N*gger' he said it himself. My auntie saw this as a bad thing. It wasn't. What this guy was doing was disarming any racists by embracing the term. Unless you're using the words to actively offend people, it doesn't really matter. Interestingly enough, on the radio the other day was a debate discussing racism. A lot of white people were phoning in and discussing how terrible it was. Then two black guys phoned up and said something along the lines of 'Really, we are the only ones entitled to a say on this and to be honest, we don't care. We don't let it bother us.' There's my 2 cents worth. Hold up on the hate, I'm not joining the KKK or the Westboro Baptist Church, I'm keeping to myself and have never offended anyone of another race with a racial slur.
kaylan Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) ^Im not *insert bigoted behavior*, I have *insert group name* friends. In other words "Im not racist even though I say racist things, because I have black friends" "Im not a homophobe even though I call poofters faggots, because I have gay friends" "Im not a sexist even though women can be cvnts sometimes, because I have many female friends" In other words....l, m , f , a , o. I wouldnt expect a town thats 90% white, and uses slurs as nicknames for racial minorities, to consider their behavior racist. Seems pretty selfish not to consider how other people may feel about being called things that may make them feel demeaned. Ignorance is bliss I guess. Edited July 22, 2013 by kaylan 1
Author Col1 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) Ok, is it only race? Like she's driving and a black woman nearly slams into her and she says "fing n*****" If it were an obese woman would she say something to elude to here weight? Or a blond, or elderly..etc I think it all depends. Some people need to find the worst possible word to describe someone when they are angry. I wouldn't say it means she is racist,she could possibly hate everyone equally if they anger her. In other instances does she distinguish between colour or race? That's what would bother me, if it were just a blurt out under your breath while angered and she is just telling them off to herself ok, but if she actually feels that way and treats people of differing ethnicities badly it would definitely be a deal breaker for me. The lady I wrote about in the OP is blond, and she makes "dumb blond" self-deprecating humor jokes sometimes. She's not mean-spirited about others' obesity, handicaps, speech impediments, acne, dwarfism, tattoos, etc. I think your right: when she's angered by someone of color doing something unjust, she finds her natural go-to word to get her frustration out. Thanks Smooch, I appreciate that insight! But lets be clear; it is racism. The lady in the OP probably doesn't consider herself to be a racist. But, is it possible for a person to be a little bit racist?" Edited July 22, 2013 by Col1
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 On the other hand, if she was overly sensitive to their use by others, then I'd consider that a red flag for oversensitivity and political correctness. I don't appreciate that. I couldn't disagree more. You're calling the OP overly sensitive and too politically correct? If you're angry with someone, as a non-racist, you'd call them a derogatory name that has nothing to do with skin color or ethnicity. Ahole, jacka$$, etc. You wouldn't weird a racial slur. Only racists do that.
bluegreen Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 WOW This thread has gotten off to interesting lengths. look buddy only reason she keep her "ignorant" mouth shut at work and some social situation is not to get fired or her ass kicked by someone. One person here mentioned people say in anger what they mean at hearts and its true this is what she feels like means like and its not gonna change. She is ignorant coward racist and bully why all this someone may say : well first of all no person who is educated and intellectual will stoop so low to do this openly. Coward because she has no balls no pun intended : ))) to do this where it matters let her be brave to say this in situation where someone's foot can get jammed in her mouth NOT GONNA HAPPEN cowards are like hyenas they slink around and get leftovers of big cats. Racist is pretty self explanatory and as for bully that's because people like her "despise" anyone who does not go along for their opinion and are capable of taking heads down for it. Leave this disgusting sorry excuse for human being by trash can because after all that's where trash goes does it not ? PS: No matter what happened one young life was lost at age 17 here respect for the dead ...
steveT95 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 ^Im not *insert bigoted behavior*, I have *insert group name* friends. In other words "Im not racist even though I say racist things, because I have black friends" "Im not a homophobe even though I call poofters faggots, because I have gay friends" "Im not a sexist even though women can be cvnts sometimes, because I have many female friends" In other words....l, m , f , a , o. I wouldnt expect a town thats 90% white, and uses slurs as nicknames for racial minorities, to consider their behavior racist. Seems pretty selfish not to consider how other people may feel about being called things that may make them feel demeaned. Ignorance is bliss I guess. No. What I'm saying is I'm not racist because I don't believe they are different. I don't believe they are less than human and I certainly don't believe whites are superior. We are equal. Nothing more and nothing less. The words are empty and meaningless and no one is offended by them. I am not sexist and I am not homophobic either. But hey ho, think of me however you like. I don't give a damn.
kaylan Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 If you respected someone or felt of them as equal, you wouldnt refer to them with terms that are used to disrespect and dehumanize them. Stop being selfish and think about the feelings of the person whos been called those slurs. Just because the words dont seem like a big deal to you does not mean they dont make someone else feel disrespected. 5
ChessPieceFace Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Openly racist people are bad. Politically correct people are worse. If you're lucky you can find someone that is honest about reality without being openly racist. Good luck though. BTW true honesty about race would be banned from the forum. That's where we are today.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 BTW true honesty about race would be banned from the forum. That's where we are today. What does "true honesty about race" mean? Race is … ethnicity. Racism is prejudice and bigotry against people because of ethnicity. Is that honest enough? Am I going to get banned now? 3
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 What does "true honesty about race" mean? Race is … ethnicity. Racism is prejudice and bigotry against people because of ethnicity. Is that honest enough? Am I going to get banned now? Race and ethnicity are NOT the same. They're just not. That said, racism is just as bad as ethnocentrism.
kaylan Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Race and ethnicity are NOT the same. They're just not. That said, racism is just as bad as ethnocentrism. Says the woman who mixed up nationality, race, and ethnicity in another thread . I couldnt help but bite on that one. 1
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