Col1 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 A lady is part of my social circle. I am thinking about asking her out, but wanted to get opinions about her racial slurs. She has made a racial slur on a few occasions (out of about a dozen times we've hung out in a group). The TV news showed an ethnic minority criminal suspect caught on surveillance camera doing a brutal crime. She remarked "f'ing ***." Then the Zimmerman verdict was being discussed on the news. She had a short racial slur remark for him. Finally, the other night, an ethnic minority driver cut her off and she said a racial remark under her breath "***!" She is otherwise cultually sensitive when interacting with people of different ethnicities (co-workers, customers, authorities, children, volunteers, public). I am wondering: Are her racial slurs are something I should address with her, or are they part of a deeper problem I should avoid getting involved any further?
StayBeautiful Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Depends on what values are important to you. Personally, it's a deal breaker for me if someone can be so casually racist. Last year I was in a similar situation. Someone I casually dated referred to a black person as "sooty", which wasn't aggressive at all but still made me cringe. It became clear though when I challenged him that it was part of a bigger picture on his views, and that's the point isn't it? It's not the throwaway remark, more to do with what lies beyond it. Edited July 21, 2013 by StayBeautiful 8
supaflyz Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Well of course she is going to be culturally sensitive in the work setting:) By the way you are describing her, she seems like a closet racist. She will make racial slurs when you are a lone with her or with a few friends. Stay away from her. That is a red flag to me. 8
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I agree that it depends on your values. Never change your values for anyone. Me personally I would see it as a red flag but I would still proceed...with caution. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Depends on the extent of her usage. If it's every other word out of her mouth, then I'd probably move along. On the other hand, if she was overly sensitive to their use by others, then I'd consider that a red flag for oversensitivity and political correctness. I don't appreciate that. 3
Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 It depends. A guy I work with is Chinese, and he makes fun of his ethnicity and his friend (who is white) does too, but it's all a joke, everyone else knows it is, and we all just laugh about it. That woman doesn't sound like she's joking though. I'd be careful. 4
tomtucker Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Depends on the extent of her usage. If it's every other word out of her mouth, then I'd probably move along. On the other hand, if she was overly sensitive to their use by others, then I'd consider that a red flag for oversensitivity and political correctness. I don't appreciate that. This definitely. Honestly, OP, I think it's ridiculous to even make a thread about this. Too overly sensitive. THAT'S a red flag for me (as USMCHokie stated as well) more than racist remarks here and there. 1
kaylan Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I personally feel that bigotry of any kind is a red flag. Just imagine how shed lash out at you when upset? Nevermind the fact that I cant tolerate a gal who doesnt respect people for who they are. To debase someone with a slur shows a huge disrespect in my eyes. Ive never gotten mad and spoke a slur to put someone down. I never understood people who did that. It really only shows their true colors. I mean, if a Jewish guy pisses me off...I call him a jerk off or an a-hole. Im not gonna call him the K word or make reference to his cultural background. And it doesnt matter that this woman shows cultural sensitivity in front of others. Its merely a facade if she will put those same people down behind their back. 7
bluegreen Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Its merely a facade if she will put those same people down behind their back. Seen this in real life experience Drop her like Hot Potato That's disgusting behavior that will grow from bad to worse ... 5
KungFuJoe Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 The girl described in op is openly racist and needs a good kick in the ass. 3
sweetkiwi Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I come from a racist family. I struggle daily with words they say and views they have. And even though they may be "nice" to people of other ethnicities, racism is rooted deeply in their minds, and is accompanied by a heavy dose of "ignorant". If I were you I would not continue to see this woman. I refuse to date ignorant people. Just me though. 4
sweetkiwi Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 What does it actually mean to be racist...? Racism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Easy peasy 1
USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Racism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Easy peasy So is it racist to observe or recognize a person who behaves or possesses traits consistent with common stereotypes based in race?
MrCastle Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 So is it racist to observe or recognize a person who behaves or possesses traits consistent with common stereotypes based in race? In short, yes. 5
SoulJazzBlues Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Only you know your own deal breakers. If racist behaviour is a deal breaker, then that's your answer. Personally, what you are describing would make me very uncomfortable and I wouldn't contact them. Of course she is going to act normal at work, she s not going to risk her job is she? 1
soccerrprp Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) So is it racist to observe or recognize a person who behaves or possesses traits consistent with common stereotypes based in race? 1. The answer to your question is NO. Why there are some who say it is, is baffling to me. You observing or recognizing such "traits" does not necessarily make you a racist. It's your application of said stereotypes that does. 2. OP, your current interest is a dangerous person. It goes beyond racism. It goes to character. Her view of other HUMAN BEINGS goes beyond just the color of one's skin, I suspect. Get to know her better and you'll see a person who has a disdain for anyone who is "different" from herself. 3. As per political correctness, it did not evolve from a vacuum. It's funny how people who poo-poo it, fail or are unwilling to acknowledge this. I am no fan of political correctness, but it is very clear that much of it was made relevant by previous years, centuries of "insensitivity." Edited July 21, 2013 by soccerrprp 4
irc333 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I often wonder if you even talk against a certain situation, you'd be labeled as a bigot. For instance, like I know some people that don't use racial slurs, but they would discuss (among a group of same raced people at a party), something in regards to the whole Treyvon/Martin thing. I know a lot of white friends that talk about how African Americans seem to always throw the race card whenever a situation comes up....and just by saying THAT would make them racist in some people's eyes? Or how American citizens talk against the illegals coming over our borders would make them racists on these objections alone? A lady is part of my social circle. I am thinking about asking her out, but wanted to get opinions about her racial slurs. She has made a racial slur on a few occasions (out of about a dozen times we've hung out in a group). The TV news showed an ethnic minority criminal suspect caught on surveillance camera doing a brutal crime. She remarked "f'ing ***." Then the Zimmerman verdict was being discussed on the news. She had a short racial slur remark for him. Finally, the other night, an ethnic minority driver cut her off and she said a racial remark under her breath "***!" She is otherwise cultually sensitive when interacting with people of different ethnicities (co-workers, customers, authorities, children, volunteers, public). I am wondering: Are her racial slurs are something I should address with her, or are they part of a deeper problem I should avoid getting involved any further? 3
PlumPrincess Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Red flag. Either closet racist or very low education. I usually call people *******s or jerks if they piss me off (which is bad enough... ). 1
soccerrprp Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I often wonder if you even talk against a certain situation, you'd be labeled as a bigot. For instance, like I know some people that don't use racial slurs, but they would discuss (among a group of same raced people at a party), something in regards to the whole Treyvon/Martin thing. I know a lot of white friends that talk about how African Americans seem to always throw the race card whenever a situation comes up....and just by saying THAT would make them racist in some people's eyes? Or how American citizens talk against the illegals coming over our borders would make them racists on these objections alone? True that. It happens. Our country (USA) has always had a very difficult time with race. It's a country founded on some amazing principles, but from the start it was not meant to be applied to all. As, again, the Zimmerman case is just a symptom of a long going disease. It reminds us just how our legal and historical senses are different based on our experiences. The disparity that exists in this country is both historical and self-inflicted. The polarizing problem is that, depending on what group you belong, too much emphasis is placed on one or the other. Bad way to make real progress that is best for the country as a whole. In my opinion, using racial slurs that clearly evoke absence of respect, hate, dehumanization is a sign of deep-seeded disregard for fundamental concerns for others. It doesn't matter where an who uses them. Racial slurs are meant to minimize one's value and if and when people use them, it reveals much about his/her own esteem (and that of others). 5
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) I come from a racist family. I struggle daily with words they say and views they have. And even though they may be "nice" to people of other ethnicities, racism is rooted deeply in their minds, and is accompanied by a heavy dose of "ignorant". If I were you I would not continue to see this woman. I refuse to date ignorant people. Just me though. A lot of it also has to do with a simple phenomenon. People are far more likely to be a bigot, on the basis that although they know people of their own ethnic group: lie, cheat, steal, murder and do terrible things, they ignore it when people of other groups do this, because a.) they're not part of that ethnic group, b.) they may have limited experiences with the other ethnic group and may have had bad experiences with people of that group, c.) two way bigotry. It's all down to the primal and tribal "trust who you know" people that you can relate to and people you fit in with and look like; people outside of this can be quite strange or scary and fear breeds anger, anger leads to hate and well you all know Yoda. This is far more prevalent in the older generations of people, but it does happen with newer generational people too. My sister is quick to point out how different groups are bad, because she has bad experiences with them and because they're not white they're not just "bad people" they're "bad black people" or "bad Mexicans". Also, different cultures have different norms and rude or "bad behavior" can be quite different...social taboos and whatnot. I usually get on someone's case if they go beyond joking right to being a dick about it, even people in my family. Edited July 21, 2013 by Dread Pirate Roberts 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 That being said, OP, I would talk to her about it and ask her why she feels the need to generalize people of different ethnic groups. Depending on how she answers, you'll likely know what to do. I'm not a bigot and I wouldn't tolerate it in my partner. I don't care if people make jokes or say mick, kraut, ngga, polack, or whatever as they're just words; it's the intent behind them that matters, just the same as any cuss/swear word. 1
Treasa Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I would be so out of there before I took off her head. I could be partially influenced by the fact that my best friend/SO is black, but I dislike bigotry in any form. People can think whatever they want. Keep it to themselves or others who think likewise. Don't bring it up in front of me unless you want me to call you out on it. 7
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Sensitive hippie. This is so lame. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, does this at some point. Every person that I have ran across in my life, even the most liberal of them, have done this. And if you claim you haven't, you're lying. I haven't. I'm not lying. Saying it doesn't make it so. 3
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