Pretty JMai Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Okay. Had a question for you all. If you express to a guy that you prefer to talk on the phone and he says he'll do that but than doesn't but keeps texting you instead, does this mean he's not really interested? When I first started talking to this guy, we did talk a few times on the phone but then it became all about the texting...drives me crazy when he doesn't want to mix it up. Also, when we first started talking, he was very funny and flirty but now he is very overtly sexual to me--makes me a bit uncomfortable because we have yet to go on our first date! He also refers to me as sexy thing, hot stuff, baby/babe, etc., which I sort of ignore but I don't do the same because I'm not certain if I really want to date him at all. I've ignored him on several occasions but then I end up feeling bad and eventually respond. Do you all think he is just interested in getting physical with no real intentions of wanting a relationship?
MissBee Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) If you already have all these complaints...listen to your gut and don't date him. He doesn't seem like he's interested in talking and knowing you and respecting you but is making it clear he is more into sexting and the physical, IMO. When you ask a man or anyone not to do something, and they agree but do it anyway, it's kind of testing you to see if you're serious and if you mean what you say. Most guys who do this are blatantly disrespecting your boundaries and you either cave and ignore your boundary and allow them to do what they want OR you opt out and are firm that it doesn't work for you. We all test people to see what they will and won't put up with and trust me, when you have a boundary you allow someone to cross with no consequence, they don't respect or believe you, as although you say you don't like something, when they do it, you accept it, so they see no reason to stop or to believe any other boundary you set in place. It's not a good start. For me, I personally am not a fan of incessant texting if I'm just getting to know you. Call me old fashioned, but I take a man way more seriously when he actually makes it a point to call me and have a normal conversation and not just shorthand texts or overtly sexual texts. Calling takes a bit more effort and setting time aside, and I respect that, whereas you can text while doing anything under the sun, it's a very lazy form of communicating, that I don't mind once we're already established, but it's just unimpressive to me and doesn't come off as someone who is very invested, if we're just getting to know each other and that is ALL you do. I think like the internet, people sometimes feel more free to say stuff to you that they otherwise wouldn't, via text, versus when you can hear their voice. In my experience, men who've been truly interested in me usually call and every guy who was more into casual or sex made it a point to only text. Edited July 21, 2013 by MissBee
Author Pretty JMai Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Great insight. I was feeling the same way and perhaps needed someone to reinforce it in me. I will definitely cut him loose and ask him to stop contacting me. I did it before and he asked for a second chance because he "really wanted to get to know me." Whatever...he needs to go away now. I'll be sure to make it crystal clear. This time I need to really stand my ground and stop being so nice. 1
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