Ex sent me a letter

[drake13]

I took some advice on here not long a go, my bi polar ex fiancé left me after 3 years, she came back 3 and a half months later, I turned her down and had a hard time keeping her at arms length, I stayed with a friend for a few days which helped, I got myself a new contract phone and I changed my landline, I'm back home now and the moment I set foot through my front door there is a letter sitting on the floor.

 

It was from her, I won't go in to what it said but it was the most empathic and remorseful side of her that I had ever seen, she said she desperately wanted help and wanted me to be at her side, I was touched, it brought me right back to square one, in my heart too much time has passed to be there for her and hold her hand through this, please tell me I'll feel strong again in a few days?.

 

I'd also like to thank the members on LS who gave me some good advice and insight on my other threads, the support has been pulling me through, my friends have told me to give her a second chance saying she had learnt her lesson and can't help herself because of her mental illness, I would like to agree with them but it isn't an option to me.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Drake, you seem. Like such a good guy.

 

I am glad you found comfort in the distance and calmness that no contact can provide.

 

You also see how contact pulls you back into it?

 

As for the letter and contents itself....well what do YOU want?

 

It is awesome she wants to get help for her adiction. Awesome for her, I hope she works hard and gets stable and learns how to handle her behavior.

 

Because illness or no, actions have consequences and those include losing the man you care about (jobs, friends, money etc)

 

Forgiveness can only be given by you. It's easy for someone else to say she realizes her mistake...but you and only you can decide if its a deal breaker.

 

I know you care about her. But can you accept what she did and help her get help?

 

Or do you need her to go get help for herself, with no expectation of a relationship with you, and give you distance to get your life back?

 

Personally, if it were me, I would want to see consistent actions. she needs help, meds, more help and months of stable behavior before I would want to even think about it. That is because, even though I live with someone who is bi polar and I know their thinking is nuts. The basic person is the same. So I feel like the cheating and leaving may just be who she is. So. Actions vs words.

 

But in the meanwhile, you seem like an awesome guy, I bet there are tons of girls who would love to have you in their lives, without this much baggage.

[drake13]

Thank you for the reply and thank you for the compliment, I wasn't perfect, I have my regrets, I wasn't the most supportive and understanding man early on in the relationship.

 

I've been no contact from the start, I knew better than to chase her down and ask her to come back when she was in a manic state of mind.

 

I care for her a great deal and I forgave her a long time a go, it was the only peace I could find with how it ended, I love her and think the world of her, I want nothing more for her to find happiness, over 3 years it broke me up to see her cycle through debilitating depression.

 

I feel bad because I know in my heart that I can't accept her back in to my life, not as a lover or as a friend, I feel I owe her some parting words before I move on with my life, I don't want to walk away ignoring her letter because I can see she poured her heart in to it.

 

She'll always be my angel, deep down through all the different personalities she cycled through, I stayed because I knew who she really was, is it a good idea to send her a letter?, I think I would find comfort in that.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I think it will help you, and eventually her, so yes write her a letter.

[drake13]

Thank you, I posted the letter this morning, I hope she finds some peace with it, I'm moving on with my life again.