calgary Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 got in shape, got closer to my family, Got an amazing job that I love that's really easy and good paying. Passed all of my studies and have really good qualifications.. you know all the generic stuff everyone told me to do. block my ex from facebook. stay single, concentrate on improving my own life.. go no contact. did everything. In my parents eyes and my friends eyes, i'm doing a lot better for myself.. sure I can buy any material possession I want right now, I've got the money to do whatever whenever.. but nobody around me has, so it's pay for them or do it alone kind of life right now. A picture just popped up on my facebook of my ex on holiday with the guy she's been dating, who used to be my friend and I feel like it put me right back to square one again. I still hate that both of them did what they did. I feel like it's given me issues in life. I don't feel like I can get close or trust any one anymore, and it's made it difficult to move on. i'm not really interested in any of the girls that like me, and any girls I like seem too interested in other guys. I don't feel like I have any friends around here. it's a Saturday night and I've never felt so lonely in my life. I really don't feel like I have anybody around me that I want to spend my time with or share anything with. it's really depressing. I don't know what to do.
JDPT Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I was in your exact same shoes when she dumped me the first time. I had a high paying position, nice car, nice apartment but was still lonely. I became extremely creative and went out every night of the week to an event. I went speed dating, took dance classes, signed up for workshop anything that could keep me as busy as possible and have me look forward to those events. And its ok to do things by yourself, it worked to my advantage at times as I used to pick girls up bring them to my apartment and have a great time. So cheer up keep busy and stop snooping around on facebook.
AllTooWell Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't think the above post is very fair. That was during your first week. This is 7 months later. I don't think he was snooping, either. Anyway... You are doing well! Just because you had a reminder of the pain you've been through doesn't mean you aren't strong or that you haven't moved on, it just means you're human. It sounds like you're lonely but because she left you and got with your friend you are scared to be hurt again. Which is understandable, it will come with time. But just remember you shouldn't avoid doing something because of one possible outcome Tomorrow is a new day.
Echo000 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 you been around since around the time i first joined here myself. you sound like your doing great..honestly good for you. while your ex is distracted and dating that jerk, you have been bettering yourself. one day, she will have to look at herself in the mirror. and she will see a person who hasnt really progressed. you can look at yourself in the mirror at this very moment and be proud of your progress. keep it up, and recognize indeed that there will be dark moments in your search for light.
lavenderlove Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I don't obviously know you. But what worked for me so far was internal work. I mean you can do a lot of everything to pass the time and get in shape and build relationships and all of that is great. But maybe you should spend more time with just simply listening to how you feel what is your heart telling you in the morning. Because if all your activities- no matter how constructive they are- are designed to keep your thoughts away from yourself than you will never FEEL better. Because you don't allow yourself to feel in the first place. I often just let all the negative feelings rise up, and once you get rid of self pity and fear you can just observe those feelings and actually they loose so much of their power once you face them and dissolve them with the relevant solution or just simple acceptance. Sounds like you have a lot to sort out bit by bit. I am not saying that this is what will fix you. It is just a method that made me happier in the last months.
Debbie2508 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Hi Calgary,you're not alone,I'm in a similar boat! Have made a lot of progress in the last 5 weeks,which followed on from 6 months of absolute hell,and feeling lower than I'd ever dreamed possible! I had a whole month with no tears and felt so much better,much more positive about the future and stopped being so hard on myself about all that happened in the r/s. Like you,all my friends and family are so happy that I've been "cured"! This last week has been difficult. I've worked over 60 hours,and got really tired and down. All the old thoughts of not being good enough,feeling lonely and missing him have come flooding back,and its knocked me for six! I hate it......thought I'd put it all behind me! It's not that simple though,is it?! It seems that at times of stress,or when our lives aren't moving on in the direction we'd hoped,or as quickly as we'd hoped,that it's easy to slip back into our previous negative way of thinking. Yes,maybe we've gone 2 steps forward and 1 back.....but we should be proud that we've gone 2 steps forward. A few months ago I don't think either one of us would have believed we would manage that! We can and will make up that 1 step and move many more ahead. Like you, I'm not attracted to the couple of people who seem interested in me,and the one I am interested in,doesn't seem to feel the same......typical! Its probably just as well,as I think I'll also suffer with trust issues too. Are you still seeing the counsellor,if so,is it helping?? So pleased to hear that you've become closer to your family and congratulations on the new job :-) The rest will come,in time,and probably when you're least expecting it. We'll get there......it's just taking us a bit longer :-)
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