almarea Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I met this guy a month ago and at the time he was in a relationship with someone he had been with for 5 years. They have a kid together as well. The same night I met them, they ended up breaking up for reasons that I am told was a long time coming. A week later the guy and I started talking. We at first only wanted sex and we were both ok with that. I also didn't want more because I know he had just broke up with someone he had been with for a long time. And from experience ( I broke up with my ex of 11 years last year) I know break ups are hard and don't always last. Anyways, it didn't end up being just a one night fling. He invited me every day to come hang out and watch TV, etc. No sex. We only had sex a couple times. The majority of the time was talking and literally hanging out and getting to know each other. I tried to hold back and not let my self fall for him but he didn't make that easy. He told me he was falling for me too fast and that it scared him. That he really liked me and hasn't met anyone like me before. Things were going great for a couple weeks til yesterday. He was distant and was not accepting my advances. He wasn't being mean, just set on not having sex. It felt different so I kept asking him til I guessed.. his ex. He agreed that earlier he and his ex spoke and that they are talking about getting back together. I knew this was likely to happen yet I fell anyways. And it only makes matters worse with how he still treats and talks to me. Telling me that he still wants to hang out and be friends, still cares about me and that his feelings for me are real. That it isn't easy on him and that he doesn't want to hurt me. He says he believes in fate and that if something is meant or not meant to be than it will be or not be. That you never know. And all I keep wondering is, why does he continue to act like this? Was it real or was he just using me. I would have been ok with the latter but he denies it and says he really has feelings for me. And now I am supposed to just be his friend and forget everything that has happened and pretend like my feelings are no longer for him?
StayBeautiful Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 No I don't think he was using you. He probably genuinely felt it, in those heady angry days after the breakup. But you can't be friends. Whatever else you take from this, you can't take that.
salparadise Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) And all I keep wondering is, why does he continue to act like this? Was it real or was he just using me. I would have been ok with the latter but he denies it and says he really has feelings for me. And now I am supposed to just be his friend and forget everything that has happened and pretend like my feelings are no longer for him? C'mon, how old are you? You said you ended an 11 year relationship last year - how could you not know the answer to these questions? He acts like this because he's confused as hell and doesn't know which end is up. I wasn't real, it was a rebound, but that possibility never occurred to either of you? You were helping him avoid dealing with the pain of his breakup, giving him (and yourself) some good samaritan sex to further mask it, and you started developing feelings for him, just as one would expect. Advice - quit seeing him right now and tell him that he needs to get his life right independent of you and what occurred between you, whether that's with his ex or without. And then if he happens to end up single, divorced, doing well on his own in a year or three that you'll consider the possibility of talking again. This playing house thing is going to drive both of you nuts if you don't get clear of it. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. Edited July 20, 2013 by salparadise 1
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