How soon is now?

[deb0735]

Only been single couple of weeks. Find myself thinking way too often about the ex and how hurt I am. Feel much better when I think of future possibilities.

 

Don't want to be one of those people who never get over the ex.

 

Have a few guys interest in going out. Sounds like fun.

 

Don't want to get hurt again, so I'm giving myself some defining lines for new relationships at this time.

 

Is it too soon if I'm still feeling hurt by the past? Don't want to wait so long the pain takes over, so I'm wondering what your experiences have been. (I've only had a couple of "serious" relationships.)

 

What are the big mistakes people make by dating too soon? I don't want to replace the old relationship. Just don't want to be stuck in the past. Any thoughts?

[Nick14]

Well deb, I think its too soon, can you say REBOUND, I guareentee that will happen. Hell my ex is doing that now and met someone alittle before a month after the breakup.

[deb0735]

Rebound? That suggests that the person wants to jump right into another relationship. I don't.

 

I want to have fun. I don't want to dwell.

 

How long do you plan to wait? Do you think one should wait until there's no more pain? Please don't take any offence.

 

Seriously, I don't want to hurt anyone.

[DESI]

You know I have often thought about this myself. I am also young and have had only 2 serious relationships. I also have rebounded before, but I didn't hurt anyone in the process. Like my mother always tells me, it will happen when you least expect it, and there will be no question in your mind about it, you will just know.

I have also recently tried dating someone new, but all it did was made me compare him to my ex. Made me think about my ex even more.

When the time is right for you to date someone else you will just know it. But right now you need the time to heal, and to learn from your past relationship this way you don't make the same mistakes from before. I have often had people tell me that I am young, to not worry about it, to keep myself busy, and find things that I like to do. Its almost like when you break up with someone it feels like half of you is gone. I mean seriously he was a big part of my life and who I was. You have to find yourself again, and you have to be happy with yourself, and once that happens then you will be ready for another relationship.

Hope that helped.

[bluetuesday]

remember that all relationships bring problems as well as solutions.

 

i'd try to avoid jumping into another one if you view it as a way to help get over your pain.

 

healing takes time and while there's nothing wrong with a boost to your self-esteem by having other guys around, just be careful not to lurch from one emotional mess to another.

 

but if you feel ready, why not? there's no rule on time limits. some people are ready quicker than others.

 

great thread title by the way. i too love the smiths.

[Weird]

it is obviously different for each perosn but I would say if that it can be a negative thing to just try and suppress sad feelings because it may either come back to bite you in the ass down the line (just bam, one day you breakdown crying) or if one keeps doing this every time they are sad you will get into a pattern where you can't ever feel sad for something and turn into a robot.

 

Don't feel bad that the breakup/ex makes you sad. Take the time to be sad about it and don't try to mask those feelings. Having said that, don't feel like you have to just stay at home and mope around. You can go out and have fun and enjoy your life but still feel sad about what has happened.

 

Oh and for sure don't just jump into another relationship until you are truly ready for it. It'll just be a rebound or a quick "happiness high" and you will end up jerking the guy around along with yourself.

 

If you want to casually date then go right ahead but again, just don't try to mask your hurt and pretend like it will magically go away. The best way to heal is to face our emotions head on.