Drovert Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 The only time I've dated a virgin girl was when I was one myself. But afterwards, I just wanted the woman to already know what she's doing (many times it takes the relationship to a deeper level faster). Anyway now I'm 31 years and the woman I've been dating 3 weeks (not my gf) just told me she is a virgin but she's 29 years old. I'm kind of hesitant about this because I'm wondering what kept her from having a relationship years back. She seems kind of shy too. Why? I'm at the point where I want to be in a meaning relationship, settle down and form a family, not go all the way back to act like a beginner that's in love and wait for many months for intimacy to occur. I feel that with her, it's like I would have to start all over again (completely from 0). What will happen next? Will she be affected?? She isn't waiting till marriage and is an atheist but just told me it never happened. This is what bothers me. If the reason was ''bad luck and waiting for the right man'' maybe I might take that into consideration but it's like she's over analyzing this too much and something else is holding her back. In addition, I feel a bit too old to be teaching. Though I do want to get to know her better. Will she eventually break out of what kept her from moving forward?
Author Drovert Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Anyone ever stumbled with an older virgin? Is it great? Do they eventually get over their uncertainty and shyness? I just want to make sure I'm not making a mistake. I don't want to end up dealing with an overly ''You have to be with me forever'' dramatic woman with attachment issues or overly jealous. I have an idea some virgins get that way. Or what if she decides she has missed out so much in her life and ends up cheating? Some of my friends had experienced with one of these scenarios. I'm currently still kind of hesitant.
New User Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 It's difficult to imagine someone that age not having had an intimate relationship unless they have some kind of serious hangup. I can't really see the "it just never happened" playing out without there being something very wrong with her view on either sex or relationships. At best she'd likely have an extremely low sex drive- something that would rule out a healthy relationship (for me anyway).
Balzac Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Biggest Q in my mind would be a lack of desire within her. Virginity at her age is way more complicated than you're acknowledging. You can date her for fun but why waste your time if you're looking to establish your family??
404namenotfound Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Has she ever been in a relationship before? My guess is not a very serious one for very long. I'd be worried there is going to be a lot of drama. IMO date this chick for a really long time before you decide she's the one. I've never been in your position and I'm younger than you but I can only see things ending poorly if she falls for you while not really knowing what she wants.
Author Drovert Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) First of all you can throw out the chance that she is very smart, has her poop in a group and knows what she wants out of life and isn't willing to settle. Those women don't existIndeed that is very rare. To be honest, I quite don't care about a woman's number nor even want to know it but an older virgin is one thing I'm concern about. What if she has other serious issues besides ''she's smart and doesn't want to date anyone''? I would keep questioning it until she breaks it off with you. Then you will know.She's not my gf. As I've mentioned it, I want to know her better and make sure she waited out of choice and not because of serious issues holding her back. Edited July 20, 2013 by Drovert
Balzac Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 She's not my gf. As I've mentioned it, I want to know her better and make sure she waited out of choice and not because of serious issues holding her back. Choice IS a serious red flag. Not that you have to accept it as such.
Author Drovert Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Biggest Q in my mind would be a lack of desire within her. Virginity at her age is way more complicated than you're acknowledging. You can date her for fun but why waste your time if you're looking to establish your family??This is what I'm also questioning. If I end up with her, will she be functional and participate in intimacy regularly (this is an important aspect in the relationship) or will she hardly want it. However, if she has no real problems and was simply waiting for the right one, then I'll make it an exception. I really like her but I'm making sure it's a healthy woman I'm dealing with.
Author Drovert Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Has she ever been in a relationship before? My guess is not a very serious one for very long. I'd be worried there is going to be a lot of drama.She told me she hasn't and was only kissed a couple times while on a date but back off when the guy wanted to take things further and walked away, never spoke to the guy again. IMO date this chick for a really long time before you decide she's the one. I've never been in your position and I'm younger than you but I can only see things ending poorly if she falls for you while not really knowing what she wants.You said everything I was thinking about. I don't want her to fall for me because ''You're the first man who took my virginity and now I have to be forever with you'' but rather ''I love you because of your personality and I want to settle down too''.
404namenotfound Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 You said everything I was thinking about. I don't want her to fall for me because ''You're the first man who took my virginity and now I have to be forever with you'' but rather ''I love you because of your personality and I want to settle down too''. There's that and there's the fact that she doesn't have a point of reference to know what she actually likes. I would be worried about what you're saying happening, I don't know if it ever happened with your first GF, but it happened to me where she just wouldn't move on. And now I'm actually dealing with it again where this girl won't move on from her first to be with me, even though their relationship has run its course and she likes me. I'd say as rule of thumb girls get very attached to their first. Though if you do actually get along I don't see why it couldn't work out as long as you are willing to just date her for a long enough time you sure she's past what ever initial drama my result of her being deflowered.
Author Drovert Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I would be worried about what you're saying happening, I don't know if it ever happened with your first GF, but it happened to me where she just wouldn't move on. And now I'm actually dealing with it again where this girl won't move on from her first to be with me, even though their relationship has run its course and she likes me. I'd say as rule of thumb girls get very attached to their first.With my first gf, fortunately that didn't happen. It was really her that end up getting bored and dumping me out of nowhere because ''Drovert things aren't the same, we have to move on'' while I was like WTH (at that moment it was as if someone threw cold water on me suddenly; didn't see that one coming). I learnt she was dating someone else later on. After one whole month, I decided enough already and have long moved on right after meeting other girls and being in other relationships over the years. However, this is different because she's way older than my first. I believe the older a virgin woman is, the harder it's for her to move on. 404namenotfound sorry to hear they got attached to you. Hopefully they are getting over you now. I would feel trapped if I do end up settling with her and this happened. Though if you do actually get along I don't see why it couldn't work out as long as you are willing to just date her for a long enough time you sure she's past what ever initial drama my result of her being deflowered.This is what I'm doing now. I will not quickly make her my gf until I know she can handle the challenges within a relationship.
SoulSoldier Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Anyone ever stumbled with an older virgin? Is it great? Do they eventually get over their uncertainty and shyness? I just want to make sure I'm not making a mistake. I don't want to end up dealing with an overly ''You have to be with me forever'' dramatic woman with attachment issues or overly jealous. I have an idea some virgins get that way. Or what if she decides she has missed out so much in her life and ends up cheating? Some of my friends had experienced with one of these scenarios. I'm currently still kind of hesitant. Speaking as a nearly 25 year old former female virgin (who just lost it recently), we catch up rather fast. Yes, I was a little nervous at first, but I got over it. I'm still a little shy, but that's something that fades even more each time I am sexually active. As for "clinginess" after losing it....I think some of that is normal. I certainly went through it myself but after dealing with it I got over it. It's, of course, important to communicate with her beforehand and make sure that she knows how you view sex (that it's not commitment to you) to hopefully avoid any clinginess after the act. As for cheating....the fact that she's only slept with you (if you get to that point) isn't going to make her any more likely to cheat. You don't cheat because you want to experience other things sexually. You cheat because the relationship isn't satisfying you (either physically, emotionally or some other way) and you're too afraid to actually end things. I wouldn't worry about this. Before you take the step of being physical with her....PLEASE communicate your concerns to her and let her know clearly how you view sex so that she knows if there's an incompatibility there.
Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think that the longer you keep your virginity, the more you are afraid to lose it. Especially to the wrong person (wrong people being users).
white Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 It can very easily happen if a specific set of circumstances occur in someones life that they remain virgins indefinitely for no fault of their own. Despite what you think it happens to many people (for a given value of many, you're looking at a few % of the population). An isolated adolescence, a job focus, an intellectual approach to life, and shyness are all ingredients. Lacking social access, preferring introspective pursuits. You can wind up through and out of your twenties and beyond and finding, as she said, that it just hasn't happened. Not that you're frigid or hung up or lack libido - you never had the chance to be those things. Literally, there never was anybody. What would you do if you didn't like going out drinking, had few friends, few colleagues, and basically, never got the chance to meet women? You just keep on waiting for it to happen. Like she has. Sex isn't complicated. In fact besides eating and pooping it back out it's the only other thing we're designed to do. You should relish the prospect of a clean slate who hasn't learned some godawful habits. The only problem is the attachment, which you've identified. Except we all went through that and got over it, and we did that younger and dumber. Someone older will handle it better than our younger selves did.
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 you got issuesSo now I'm the problem? I'm a healthy man that is moving forward and looking to settle down. What issue can I be having?
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) having too much sexHow is having sex in my past relationships bad? Off course I had lots of sex with them. They were my gfs. I never said I had ONS nor casual sex. I said I met other girls after my first and from then on got into other relationships (7 in total; I was selective too.... not every girl I met was worth dating further). It's part of life. What do you expect after a break-up? To still stay single, waiting for them to come back in your life and if not cry over it? Edited July 21, 2013 by Drovert
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) why are you any better than someone who hasn't as as many relationships? some people are luckier than others. your making a mountain out of a molehill is my whole entire point.So I'm suppose to jump right into a relationship with an older virgin woman without making sure that she has no issues and knows what is to be expected within a relationship heading towards marriage in the near future? I never said I was better than anyone but come on you would get surprise if you stumbled with an almost 30 year-old virgin. That's because it's not very common as most men and women are already passed the learning stage by then and looking to settle down. This is my first time I've ever had this happened to me. To be honest, I didn't know how to react. It wasn't the ''turn-on'' reaction I had but rather an ''ok??''. Edited July 21, 2013 by Drovert
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 I think that the longer you keep your virginity, the more you are afraid to lose it. Especially to the wrong person (wrong people being users).True but after a certain age it turns into a ''What happened'' rather than a turn-on when you're younger. If she waits any longer, her clock is going to run out and she might not have a kid by then.
hppr Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Frankly, if a 30 year old woman told me she was a virgin I wouldn't buy it or I'd think she's crazier than an entire psycho ward. A guy who's unattractive...with no money...maybe. But even then I'd wonder why he didn't just grab a hefty at the bar or get a hooker or something. OP, there has to be some big underlying issue. Serious problems relating to people, no sexual desire, maybe religious reasons, Perfect-Man syndrome, I don't know. But no average, every day healthy girl makes it that far without some experience.
Eggplant Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 For some men her virginity might be a selling point. She's not going to get her money's worth out of this relationship and neither are you. Go find an experienced woman. Just because she's a virgin doesn't mean she isn't ready to settle down.
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 For some men her virginity might be a selling point. She's not going to get her money's worth out of this relationship and neither are you. Go find an experienced woman. Just because she's a virgin doesn't mean she isn't ready to settle down.I didn't say I was going to ditch her. I like her and would consider being in a relationship with her if she's healthy enough to understand the difference between loving because you're with the right person and know what you want out of the relationship vs loving because you gave your virginity.
Eggplant Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 True but after a certain age it turns into a ''What happened'' rather than a turn-on when you're younger. If she waits any longer, her clock is going to run out and she might not have a kid by then. Are you attracted to her? Or do you think she's too old?
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 geez shes 30, that's right ladies lose the ability to procreate at 30. lol.Within 5 more years, it's going to get even harder for her.
Eggplant Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Saying her virginity is no longer a turn on means you think it's too late -- that the good stuff is gone. If that's the case, why are you settling?
Author Drovert Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Are you attracted to her?I like her and want to know her better else I wouldn't have continue seeing her. Or do you think she's too old?I just think it's just a bit strange that's all.
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