404namenotfound Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Long story short this girl was/is my friend, we actually started out being friends because I saw her and wanted her so I took her on a few non dates then finally asked her out. Turns out she had a BF at the time. We stayed "friends" after that but were never too close even though we did see each other often. Now they have broken up but no totally separated and its messy and I don't know where her mind is. That said I'm pretty sure they won't be getting back together based on the little bit I have heard. Also summer is coming to a close as fall semester will be starting up in a month and at that point there will be a lot of distance between them and I'll be in the same town as her. She is being way more friendly, open (about things that aren't the ex, she doesn't talk about that to me), shares intimate things with me (like where she is ticklish, self pics, asking questions about her bikini), and just generally being flirtier and wants to spend time with me. She has never really had a problem with me being in her personal space but now it looks like she is fishing for it. Also she's not really an attention seeking person, she's attractive and used to being surrounded by horny guys it's not like she needs to be nice to me to get attention. She actually dresses down a lot to avoid attention. So I'd say she's into me as more than a friend and more than a rebound but I'm not 100% sure. She invited herself over for the weekend and sounds super excited about it. She made an excuse for coming up, possibly so she doesn't sound desperate, but there is really no need for her to drive 2+ hours each way and spend a 3 day weekend with me given what she wants help with. While she is here there will inventively be a little bit of drinking (her suggestion and I'm not opposed) and a lot of alone time so if she's going to do something this is her chance and I don't know how I should respond. With that is it possible to take this too slow? I don't want to dive into this while she still has something weird going on with the ex. At this point I'd say I'm in control of how far she goes with me, not the other way around. I feel like that's a good position to be in but I have never been in it before and I don't know how to use it appropriately. At the same time I'm worried that if I don't keep escalating this she'll find someone that will and then go into a self destructive rebound cylce and totally ruin the possibility of a relationship with me. So I feel like I have to walk a thin line of keeping her interested but not going so far that I create a relationship before she has had time to deal with the ex. I feel part of that is not getting too physical if the opportunity presents itself. I started another thread about this earlier but I think I didn't explain the story properly and it just went in a weird direction.
Author 404namenotfound Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Also Just to clarify this, although I am not opposed to just hooking up with a chick or being a rebound guy in other situations this is one where I would like to avoid it. 1) I do like this girl and want more than that if possible 2) I don't want the drama that would follow as we see each other a lot
Author 404namenotfound Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Can I get some opinions on this please?
white Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 You're lined up as a cushion/rebound and not as in control as you think. You can cosy up and maybe even get laid, maybe a lot, and in a few months find out she's back with ex/never wasn't with ex/is with a new guy. If that's OK go ahead. You won't get to be angry afterwards; you know right now what the deal is, which is why you're posting about it looking for assurance that you're wrong. If you were thinking with a clear head and really desired something long term, what you've posted would look like a problem to you.
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