naru12 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) My bf has extreme insecurity issues. Not only does he question if he is a special friend to me, but he also thinks I love this guy from my past more than him. He doesn't even know if I like doing things with him , considering we have been together for 3 years.. What he thinks in his mind is simply ridiculous. Part of it is honestly my fault. Yes, the guy from my past was special to me. I have mentioned him quite a bit, and so I fully take responsibility for my bf thinking this way. However, I tried to reassure him, and show him that he is the only one I love. It looks like I have failed miserable, because last Thursday it looks like everything in his mind took a toll on him. He told me he is not a replacement (for the guy from my past). I felt insulted that he thought I could actually replace someone. I tried to tell him he is important to me but he said what I say is just words and he needs to find out for himself. So on Thursday, we decided to end it. I asked him how he wanted it, he basically said that he wants things to go with the flow. He basically said he didn't wanna hear from me or see me. However, since Thursday, we have been in full contact and talk everyday. At times, he would wake up very early around 4 am and he would message me. Sunday, I had to drop off something for him (as an excuse to see him real quick) and left right away. As soon as I drove off, I had at least 10 messages from him saying "thank you for coming, I really appreciate it. I wanted to see you. Make plans so we can hangout, I will call you tonight". That night, he called me and we talked til 2:30 am. We talked about work, he asked me why I didn't tell him I was going to drop by, as he could have made arrangements for us to have dinner. The other day, I thought I had lost my purse and he took time out from doing his homework assignments to keep me calm. I didn't contact him the whole night and in the morning, the first message I got was from him. We both have been haunted by the past, and I want nothing more than to start a clean state as friends. What are your thoughts on this situation? I feel really confused because just the other day he said he didn't want to see me or talk. Three days later, he wants me to make plans to hang, and he is all happy to see me. What is going on.. Edited July 20, 2013 by naru12
daftpunk Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Is he an otherwise nice, dependable, responsible guy and a good boyfriend? If so, don't put too much stock in what someone says when they're angry or in despair; emotions have a distorting effect on our thoughts, as well as the words we use to convey them. The past haunts some people, whether it be their own or their partner's or some combination of the two. The only thing you (and he) can do is stop dwelling on it; time flows in one direction. Accept this, and look forward instead of backward. It's only as hard as you let it be.
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