affairaddict Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Day after ending things AGAIN I'm feeling sorry for myself and realise I have to go through the silence again. Being alone, having no one make me feel good . No rush nothing. Regretting ending it now and this is how I am constantly in a state of end it don't end it . Is this normal to battle with oneself. Also annoyed that he just accepts it. "I respect it I'm sorry I got in contact after you said NC before" "you're right, it's wrong." Why do I think he doesn't mean any of this am I kidding myself? And do I mean that little to not fight a bit for? I know it's my ego there I honestly didn't end it for him to beg me not to, tis an after thought. Is he not hurting too, I just wanted some words from him, I wanted our year of sharing our hopes dreams and laughter and the nervous shakes we got when we met and kissed to mean something. It's so hard
Mnogomnogo Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Please let me intercede. The love you're referring to sounds unfeasible.... what is wrong with the love someone shows you because of how you make them feel right now. Not the tomorrow fairyland most marriages are built upon. Some of us are less cerebral about love. We need to touch it, to taste it. We want to get our fingers in it and feel it. Affairaddict, you are far from over with mm. If you'd just take a lighter approach to the separations you go through with him, it'll be easier on both of you and it will permit more enjoyment in the long run. It's really just foreplay, stoking the flames before hitting the ignition.
Author affairaddict Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Mnog don't understand your last paragraph? Can you explain it simply? Do you mean stop thinking about it all?
Pierre Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Day after ending things AGAIN I'm feeling sorry for myself and realise I have to go through the silence again. Being alone, having no one make me feel good . No rush nothing. Regretting ending it now and this is how I am constantly in a state of end it don't end it . Is this normal to battle with oneself. Also annoyed that he just accepts it. "I respect it I'm sorry I got in contact after you said NC before" "you're right, it's wrong." Why do I think he doesn't mean any of this am I kidding myself? And do I mean that little to not fight a bit for? I know it's my ego there I honestly didn't end it for him to beg me not to, tis an after thought. Is he not hurting too, I just wanted some words from him, I wanted our year of sharing our hopes dreams and laughter and the nervous shakes we got when we met and kissed to mean something. It's so hard You had to end this. He is getting married. Whether he fights to keep the affair or not is a moot point. In fact, it is best he did not fight. That is how I would like to see the end of a relationship that has no future. If there is no future it is better that he does not put up a fight. Why? Because there is no future, the fighting for the affair accomplishes nothing for you. Unless you need to be wanted to feel validated. In that case seek IC.
Pierre Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Affairaddict, you are far from over with mm. If you'd just take a lighter approach to the separations you go through with him, it'll be easier on both of you and it will permit more enjoyment in the long run. It's really just foreplay, stoking the flames before hitting the ignition. I will explain for AA. This breaking up a lot is something affair folks do all the time and it may be seen as the mating game of affairs. It is the concept of validating the relationship with multiple breakups. if the relationship survives all the break ups then it must be special.:laugh: 1
Author affairaddict Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I know I know. First few days Are horrid. Plus if I carried on I'd get more hurt and if he dumps me crikey wouldn't want that. I need to remind myself I'm a strong woman who ended it as it wasn't good enough for me anymore. Gosh I should be hanging out the flags!!
Pierre Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I know I know. First few days Are horrid. Plus if I carried on I'd get more hurt and if he dumps me crikey wouldn't want that. I need to remind myself I'm a strong woman who ended it as it wasn't good enough for me anymore. Gosh I should be hanging out the flags!! If OM fights and begs to keep the affair you will be hopeful and you may never break up. Breaking up with hope is harder than breaking up with no hope. OM is getting married so there is no hope. A break up with no hope is best for you. OM did not validate you by begging, but this is best for you.
Author affairaddict Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Yes this will be "not doing this anymore no 3" 4 if you include the time he went 8 days NC when she was suspicious. When I say I've had enough I really feel like I have, but understand the dramas are probably addictive. He does it too sometimes in the space of an hour. "We can't have sex we will have feelings it will be wrong." "I'd love us to have sex it would be amazing" talks about sex...
Pierre Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Yes this will be "not doing this anymore no 3" 4 if you include the time he went 8 days NC when she was suspicious. When I say I've had enough I really feel like I have, but understand the dramas are probably addictive. He does it too sometimes in the space of an hour. "We can't have sex we will have feelings it will be wrong." "I'd love us to have sex it would be amazing" talks about sex... There is nothing more erotic than to resist sex and then having sex. Something that creates amazing sex in affairs.
Author affairaddict Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Need a lot of willpower though. I sent you a PM
Praying4Peace Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 You didn't include another choice in your title: Being FT with someone wonderful!!! You won't be alone. PT with him is NOT good...see how its making you feel right now? I think you are upset because you feel like he's making the wrong decision and will regret it later on. That's his problem. You cannot make him feel the way you want him to feel and do what you think he needs to do. He needs to do that HIMSELF. If he doesn't do it, it speaks volumes! In fact, you keeping in contact with him before his wedding is more likely to allow him to go through with it because he isn't seeing his reality. His reality is that he is getting married to HER and NO YOU DO NOT "GET" TO HAVE AN AFFAIR TOO! He has hope that you'll still be around after he's married...falling for his sweet texts...this crazy situation that is his creation (after all, he's single). If you want him to really make a true and sound decision with his brain and thinking clearly- let him go ASAP! Like, yesterday! Tell him its you or her and to never ever come crawling back unless you get what you need. He needs a whack to the head (figuratively speaking) he thinks he's in some badly written soap opera and is dragging you down too! If you do this and he still gets married then trust me, he wasn't the one for you. He wasn't. You thought he was, but there are men out there that will not ask you to be PT or just let you go because you said no. Please don't forget that dignity is a really, really important and attractive quality to others. ((HUGS)) I do know how you feel. ps- at very least, do this for yourself. How would you feel thinking that on his wedding day he is thinking of you upset somewhere and feeling sorry for you? No, take back your power NOW. 1
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