mesmerized Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I just wonder when you're dating someone, at what point would you bring up exclusivity. Do you think the man should bring it up or the woman? After how many dates or what length of time?
Treasa Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't think one gender has to do it, or that it has to be set for a specific amount of time or dates. It depends on the dating and how both people feel about it. That being said, I've never been shy about sharing what I want and asking what's up. 3
sweetkiwi Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't follow any rules in regard to the who/when/where of asking. I just ask when I feel like it, and usually it's kinda assumed. 4
Author mesmerized Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I don't follow any rules in regard to the who/when/where of asking. I just ask when I feel like it, and usually it's kinda assumed. I don't like to assume things. Because if you leave it up to assumption, they can always do whatever they want and later just say we never said we are exclusive! 3
sweetkiwi Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't like to assume things. Because if you leave it up to assumption, they can always do whatever they want and later just say we never said we are exclusive! Yeah, I guess I date guys who are so busy keeping me "busy" that they don't have time for other women. The only time I've ever "worried" about exclusivity was when I was casually dating men who were obviously not that commitment driven. My ex boyfriends were all super happy to be with me in the beginning, so I never even asked them if we were exclusive, I knew we were. 2
Author mesmerized Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Yeah, I guess I date guys who are so busy keeping me "busy" that they don't have time for other women. The only time I've ever "worried" about exclusivity was when I was casually dating men who were obviously not that commitment driven. My ex boyfriends were all super happy to be with me in the beginning, so I never even asked them if we were exclusive, I knew we were. Yeah it would depend on the type you date. Honestly most men I meet are not very commitment minded so I always want to be on the clear side. I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket if they are still shopping around. 1
phineas Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Sex = Exclusive in my book. If we are sleeping together I inform her I don't like to share so we will have to be exclusive before that happens. If we are not sleeping together then i consider myself a single man who will not be taking his OLD profile down & will not stop hitting on other women when out. 2
Author mesmerized Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Sex = Exclusive in my book. If we are sleeping together I inform her I don't like to share so we will have to be exclusive before that happens. If we are not sleeping together then i consider myself a single man who will not be taking his OLD profile down & will not stop hitting on other women when out. Nice. So do you only have sex with women you see a relationship potential with? 1
Woggle Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 When you feel like getting serious just bring it up.
phineas Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Nice. So do you only have sex with women you see a relationship potential with? Pretty much. Hooking up with randoms doesn't interest me & lying to women I don't see potential with just to get some isn't my style either. I haven't been laid in over a yr & have turned it down more times than I can remember just because the woman wanted it ASAP and I saw no future with her and didn't want to deal with the drama afterword. I'm actually not afraid of hurting a woman or using her for sex because honestly, if they are doing OLD at my age (40) and willing to sleep with me on the 2nd date..... Let's just say I'm no stud & I seriously doubt i'm the first guy who got it in there that quickly.
Author mesmerized Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Pretty much. Hooking up with randoms doesn't interest me & lying to women I don't see potential with just to get some isn't my style either. I haven't been laid in over a yr & have turned it down more times than I can remember just because the woman wanted it ASAP and I saw no future with her and didn't want to deal with the drama afterword. I'm actually not afraid of hurting a woman or using her for sex because honestly, if they are doing OLD at my age (40) and willing to sleep with me on the 2nd date..... Let's just say I'm no stud & I seriously doubt i'm the first guy who got it in there that quickly. lol what? So you don't think you're good enough for a woman to feel sexual desire for you that fast? I see. 1
phineas Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 lol what? So you don't think you're good enough for a woman to feel sexual desire for you that fast? I see. No. what i'm saying is she has more than likely felt that sexual desire that fast for MANY men and when I did do it in the past the fricken drama afterword when I wouldn't commit (after they said they just wanted to have fun) just wasn't worth it. Don't get me wrong, if I actually liked the woman & saw potential i'd be in there & keep seeing her. I'm just saying the whole using women for sex thing is WAY overrated.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Some men I brought it up, some it was just assumed. The men I have dated tend to make it pretty clear things are exclusive. Probably after a few weeks or so... When a guy calls me his girlfriend or says he isn't seeing anyone else... exclusive. There is no rule as to when to bring it up, whenever you want to be exclusive works. 2
MrCastle Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I'm just saying the whole using women for sex thing is WAY overrated. Well it's definitely not underrated
sillyanswer Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I just wonder when you're dating someone, at what point would you bring up exclusivity. Do you think the man should bring it up or the woman? After how many dates or what length of time? When it feels right. If you're doing it according to some measure of number of dates or length of time then you're doing it wrong. 1
Babolat Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I just wonder when you're dating someone, at what point would you bring up exclusivity. Do you think the man should bring it up or the woman? After how many dates or what length of time? Until my last gf the topic never came up in my past relationshsips. I think you just know. And if you don't know, and need to, simply talk to your partner about it, and hope they are being honest.
Drseussgrrl Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 In my experience it's apparent pretty early on whether a dude wants to make you his girlfriend or not. When a guy says he isn't looking for anything serious, that was usually my cue to exit stage left. I've hung on before hoping things would progress and that never happened. I know that everyone is different, but if I'm into a guy I don't feel like dating anyone else. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Normally he should bring it up, but I'd bring it up first if it's time to get naked and it hasn't been mentioned. If not exclusive, no sex either.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 In my experience it's apparent pretty early on whether a dude wants to make you his girlfriend or not. When a guy says he isn't looking for anything serious, that was usually my cue to exit stage left. I've hung on before hoping things would progress and that never happened. I know that everyone is different, but if I'm into a guy I don't feel like dating anyone else. Yeah, I usually don't have that talk. From the way a guy acts it's pretty obvious how interested he is. If he is initiating communication every day and is readily available/wants to see you few times a week in a non-sexual context, I assume that we are exclusive. If he communicates every few days and sees you once a week or less, I assume we are casual. This system works well for me.
carhill Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I just wonder when you're dating someone, at what point would you bring up exclusivity. I do, in a general way, when I discuss relationships and sex. Do you think the man should bring it up or the woman? Either is fine with me; I've generally been proactive in such discussions, historically. After how many dates or what length of time? At the point 'getting to know' indicates a measure of compatibility and physical interaction, such as affection and non-platonic acts of sexual interest, take place, that's usually when I've moved to discussing relationship 'stuff', including STD's, birth control, 'style' of relating emotionally and sexually, and similar. It's a progressive process of intimacy-building. If I had to put a 'dates number' on it, generally such has progressed markedly after 4-5 dates.
Leigh 87 Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I don't date 'that' guy who's really good looking and affable enough to obviously be dating around. I go for average looking guys who are wonderful and I'm still attracted to. Those guys, if they really like me from the outset, tend to be too focused on me to be able to fathom letting any other girl into his thoughts. In short: I want to date men who are too crazy about me from the start to think about dating others. With the men who are super good looking and have those really attractive snd charismatic personalities, if they have lots of the most beautiful women to pick from.... then I would honestly assume that it would still be possible for thek to meet a woman that really knocks his socks off, to the extent where he ONLY wants her. Yet, until these hot guys who multi date find a veryyyy gorgeous woman who they are so into that they can't multi date anymore? They will carry on multi dating with wonen they are 90% into. Multi dating irks me because I know deep down tbat if a guy is that into you from the first time you meet, he'll NOT want to date others. I believe only you would be on a guys mind if he was that into you. 1
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