BeautifulBlueEyes Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 So I am confused about how to handle this new situation with my ex. Small Background - We broke up in May but (semi) got back together in June and decided to "break" in July to take time apart and decide what we both wanted. Well, I decided that this wasn't worth it but didn't know how to tell him without breaking the "NC" in July. Yesterday at our mutual workplace, he (the original dumper) surprised me because we ran into each other and he issued a "Hey, what's up" like we weren't embroiled in this stupid situation. I ignored him and went on my way but later he sent me a text saying "Do you want to talk this Sunday after work". My initial thought was "No. I really don't because even though I decided "I'm done" I am not ready to have you decide that too. It'll hurt to much". But I bucked and just text-replied him "Is this the official - I'm done" talk?". He caught me as he was leaving the store and said "Yes, that's what it is". I turned and walked away. When I got out of work I sent me "I have been trying to figure out how to tell you the same thing - not because I don't love you and think you are amazing and want to be with you but this just isn't worth it right now. I don't really want to talk and if all you are going to say is "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to hurt you" well...I don't want to hear it. If I have anything I need to say I can mail you a damn letter and be done with it and exit stage left on your life permanently. " He replied "I don't want you to exit my life permanently - but I am not sure if all I will say is "I'm sorry". I do want to talk to you thought". I caved and told him to "find a time because I am not putting any more effort into this than I already have" but I also told him that the things I have to say to him are going to hurt, not to be malicious but that he (me too but that's not his business) had a lot of growing up to do. And while I didn't want to be with him right now...I did hope we end up together (in the future) because I truly love him and think we are perfect for one another (or will be once he goes from Magikarp to Gyrados). He never responded - which I am ok with - and I really don't know if he will ever find the time to talk to me (in which case - yes, I will send a letter. I am not one to leave things unsaid on my part). I KNOW talking to him is going to hurt (might even set me back some) because while I don't want to be with him (now) - I do (eventually). Yet there is no guarantee that will happen and I AM going to look for other people to date and opportunities to develop myself. Doing anything else would be utterly foolish and I can't hang my hopes on him growing up. I really think he (23) needs time to be alone and I plan to tell him that - whether he listens is another story. I realized He isn't committed to HIMSELF in any one way (in community college part time - works part time but doesn't have any real future plans) so how can he commit to anyone else. I see the potential in him to be an AMAZING man, once he figures things out (and yes, I love him a the silly boy he is now. I never asked/wanted him to change.) He has acknowledged that he doesn't know what he wants but he does need to grow up (and being with me made him want to - so why dump me in the first place?) I also want things for myself and I am afraid a relationship (with anyone currently) would hold me back. I want a better job, an MBA, maybe to do a stint in the peace corp and I don't want to be tied down. Really, I want to learn to be happy with myself. So what am I looking for from responses? Brutal honesty. Am I being stupid by breaking NC and agreeing to sit down and meet with him?Do you think this could work in the future for us? Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is he trying to keep me on the "backburner" [i kinda get that feeling but I don't think it's intentional]. I'd love anyone's general thoughts on this. I am trying to do right by us both (maybe more by me) and I know I have trouble just walking away with things unfinished. I have to figure out how to tell him - we can't (...well I don't WANT be friends) - we'll see each other with mutual friends but I don't want to get "friendzoned". Thanks.
theonlyjuan Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Sounds like he wants it both ways. They always want to breakup but still be in contact, forgetting for the dumpee it's a lot harder. Do all those things you want to do first! Life is short, you will regret not doing them. After you are done with all that, see what's possible with him then. Don't tell him that though, don't be like " Maybe we can try in the future " Good chance you will meet someone more suited to you, during that time
Author BeautifulBlueEyes Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Ehh....part of the problem is I kinda feel like I am the one who wants to have my cake and eat it too. Because I know if I hang around...he'll fall for me again and (while that would be a great ego boost and I don't want to lose him) also makes me feel like a huge...well...a**hole.
Recommended Posts