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I feel pretty embarrassed. Was this a rejection at all?

Papaya24

By Papaya24
in General Relationship Discussion

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Papaya24 New Member

Papaya24

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Yesterday I went out with my old work colleagues at 5pm for a catch up. There was only 6 of us but it soon dwindled to three.

 

I happened to be quite attracted to one of the guys. He's about 8 years older than me (27) and I felt like if I ever said I liked him he wouldn't be interested. Anyway, as the group dwinled to three it was me left with the guy I like, lets call him Ben, and an older work colleague who was quite drunk - Jack.

 

We were deciding whether we should go home or not at around 11ish. Ben had said much earlier in the day that he was going to go back to his flat and clean his room, but everyone took the piss of that so he stayed out later. So Ben decided eventually that he'd go back to his flat, as he had a laptop with him and didn't want to carry it home too late. He said that he'd be back out later after dropping off his stuff if we were still in town and he had Jack's number to call.

 

So Ben leaves and quickly after, me and Jack decided to leave. I stopped with Jack at a bus stop and we were just saying goodbye. I randomly blurted out that I liked Ben, and said was embarrassed about what happened that night. [The three of us had been talking about chatting people up, and Jack who was very drunk wanted me to practice my chatting up skills on him. (all as a joke ofc). Then he's like "na, practice on Ben". And then he went on to compliment Ben in a very corny way saying he was very handsome and intelligent and articulate bla bla bla, imagine he is the man of your dreams, imagine he is your future husband etc :eek: And it was all a joke but I was so embarrassed because I secretly did want to chat him up and it made me really uncomfortable. :o

 

Again, anyway. I randomly blurted out I liked Ben. So Jack was like, oh do you want me to say "Hello" to him from you? And I asked what he meant by that. Then he said that he'd give the guy my number. And I was like "hohh no!" - because I felt like that guy would not like me at all with his age (I'm 19, he was 27 - we were discussing age earlier and Ben was going through the ages of maturity for girls and saying something along the lines of 19 years old is when girls start to get a bit of sense - no offence) and everything else - he's got a distinct career path and I'm just starting out and I'm afraid he just sees me as just a little girl (which I hope isn't true, my mum was 19 when she met my dad at 31!). Then horror of all horrors, Ben appears as I was talking about him! He had mentioned he was hungry earlier and he came out of a Subway and stopped by us. Then Jack suggested that me and Ben should go out for a drink together, alone (that night, not a schedule for another night). Now that felt like some sort of hint to me. But the guy I liked was like "Nah, I gotta get home" - which was fair enough - because he had mentioned that earlier - he even told me when Jack had went to the toilet that there were a few things he was meaning to do and he was going to travel somewhere tomorrow) But anyway, his refusal felt like a rejection to be alone with me. Well, it was. But I don't know if it was or not because he was heading back to his flat anyway.

 

 

Do you think this guy rejected me? Was the refusal to have a drink with me a rejection, or not because he was intending to go home anyway?

 

 

Sorry if that sounded a bit rambled. I hope it wasn't and I'd REALLY appreciate if someone helped me with this. I feel pretty embarrased, mostly because I think Ben must have oveheard. I was talking about him and I said his name just a second before he popped up so he was only a few feet away.

 

Again, sorry if this is rambled! If anything about this was unclear then please tell me, thanks everyone.

It-is-what-it-is. Established Member

It-is-what-it-is.

Posted
Posted

Papaya,

 

Maybe. I mean, for many mature guys you are pretty young.

 

Maybe not. Maybe he wants to get to know you, or not take advantage of the situation.

 

Meaning you were drinking and you guys work together. Two things that may have made him think twice. That's actually a positive sign.

 

I would just be normal and not act weird or anything, and see if he takes you up on what he may have heard. He will either do something or not. Don't worry.

 

One thing, it's not so good to date where you work...can be very awkward.

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Papaya24 New Member

Papaya24

Posted
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Posted
Papaya,

 

Maybe. I mean, for many mature guys you are pretty young.

 

Maybe not. Maybe he wants to get to know you, or not take advantage of the situation.

 

Meaning you were drinking and you guys work together. Two things that may have made him think twice. That's actually a positive sign.

 

I would just be normal and not act weird or anything, and see if he takes you up on what he may have heard. He will either do something or not. Don't worry.

 

One thing, it's not so good to date where you work...can be very awkward.

 

Hey, thanks for replying to my thread. :)

 

Yes I am pretty young and because of that I don't think he or anyone else of his age would consider me. They were my old work colleagues though, I don't work with them anymore. I had been sent an group e-mail inviting everyone that works in our area to go out for a drink and to see how I was doing (I left work in May).

 

Also, I don't know if there was any significance to this but there were two other things I remembered:

 

We were just talking about anything really that night, and Jack randomly asked if I was an older woman, would date a guy 20 years younger than me? (I'm 19 so they wouldn't even be born yet.) And I said I didn't know, age doesn't matter it depends on the personality. And then Jack nudged Ben with his elbow, and Ben was like "haha I'm not under -1 years old though".

 

Then there was another thing. Jack asked us both what word sounds better "@ss or buttocks?". Then Jack quickly asked me what would I say about Ben, "Does Ben have a nice @ss or a nice buttocks?". Yeah I know that sounds pretty crude, but I don't know if it was just drunk banter or if any of these little things about me and Ben were hints at all? Including the pressure on me to try and chat Ben up to see what my technique was like. I'm really not sure if it was teasing or just drunkenness.

 

Thanks again if you do respond.

It-is-what-it-is. Established Member

It-is-what-it-is.

Posted
Posted

It sounded if Jack was drunk matchmaking.

 

It also sounds like Ben was tolerating Jacks drunk banter, as you were.

 

It IS possible that Ben is not sure if you are interested since that stuff actually can muddle things.

 

But more likely he thinks you are too young, so even if he was attracted he wouldn't act on it.

 

Wait a bit (couple weeks) see if he reaches out first, if not then invite him on a date. Then you know.

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Papaya24 New Member

Papaya24

Posted
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Posted
It sounded if Jack was drunk matchmaking.

 

It also sounds like Ben was tolerating Jacks drunk banter, as you were.

 

It IS possible that Ben is not sure if you are interested since that stuff actually can muddle things.

 

But more likely he thinks you are too young, so even if he was attracted he wouldn't act on it.

 

Wait a bit (couple weeks) see if he reaches out first, if not then invite him on a date. Then you know.

 

I feel like the drunk matchmaking parts did muddle things a bit, it was like teasing bate in front of me but I had no idea how he felt at all.

 

I really don't know if anything will happen and if he definitely heard me, but I'll wait and see what, if anything, comes of it.

 

Thanks for your responses. :)

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