Sapphyre Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Hi I've posted a couple of threads about my situation, it's all been very confusing with an intense period where we tried to do the relationship thing but we rushed things and it went wrong, then I treated him terribly and he ended it...and for the next 4-6 week he's been very up and down, saying he can't see a future for us but then dropping little things into the conversation - like saying he thinks about us "all the time", is trying to "see if I can take you on" (to which I replied that he had made me sound like a stray dog, but I have kids and his family dislike me so I know what he meant by it), and then always saying I'm special, there is something about me that stops him from cutting me out altogether, etc. Anyway - we last spoke on Wednesday afternoon when he was saying the same again (all of the above); a contrast to Tuesday where he just kept saying we won't work and all the positive stuff he had said no longer applied...and he said he would come and see me "next week" (I'd asked him to just come and see me with no labels on it, and just see how it went and if we could just get on). I did text him the following day asking if he was ok, as when he had left me on Weds afternoon after our talk, he looked quite stressed and upset. He didn't reply. I then sent another message that evening just saying that it's quite rude not to reply, if he was ignoring me for good then I'd rather know so I didn't bother him again, and he sent back "need peace not ok will c u next week". I said thanks for replying, and that was our last contact. The past couple of days since not being in touch with him, I feel like my feelings have changed; all the time he was refusing to meet me as he didn't see a future, I felt so desperate to contact him, was always checking my phone for messages and feeling really sad that he didn't want me, convinced we would work etc. BUT since having just a couple of days of 'no contact', I feel better about it all. Still a bit "aww" that we didn't work out, but not to the extent I felt previously. I kind of feel like I don't know if I'd want to see him next week, and also a bit sad that maybe my feelings weren't real after all. How can my feelings/desperation ease so quickly? This has been going on since April so why all of a sudden do I feel less interested in him? Is it because it's open that he will see me next week, kind of a wanting what you can't have but not wanting it when you have it type of thing? Or will the 'feelings' and sadness/desperation for contact and to be with him come back with a vengeance fairly soon?
Talulah Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Probably because he has the power now and you feel like you are chasing him. Maybe ask him for some much needed space, maybe like a month or two and then see where you are. Good lcuk to you
theonlyjuan Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think it varies from up and down. Most days I am happy and positive. When I get run down or tired, that's when I start to feel weak and sad. Saying that, I am yet to get that weak and sad that I have considered talking to her. You might get a few sad days, but in general you will probably feel ok about it 1
eachcomingnight Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Hey, I'd say it's a little quick to consider yourself recovered completely but I think it is important to know that not everyone follows the pathway projected by people on this website. There are so many posts about different "phases," about which months are harder than others, etc. and I think this can mislead us into assuming that all of our journeys will be this difficult. For me, I was heartbroken for probably about two months and then by the end of month three I was pretty much healed and starting to look forward to the giant question mark in my future. For you, it's possible you already started your healing before you went NC, since it sounds like things were rocky for quite some time. Just take it as it comes - don't see more feelings as a setback, but also don't worry about whether or not you're feeling sad enough
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