How come some people find their 'person' earlier than others

[tbf]

I gave my thoughts already.

Thought I'd steer you away from the tangential attention grab, since you're new.

[Woggle]

Right place and right time. If I stayed home that night I met my wife on the boardwalk I would probably be single right now.

[tbf]

I think those reasons might be applicable to some people, but generally, I have always found that love comes along at the most inopportune time.

 

There's nothing wrong with being a little picky. If you don't have boundaries, you're going to end up in sh**y relationships. So some non-negotiables have to be in place. Otherwise, you date, meet as many new people as possible, be interesting, take care of yourself and the rest, as I said, is dumb luck.

While I don't disagree with what you're trying to do which is to validate single existence, it doesn't really answer the question of why some are always left behind and end up perpetually single.

[Seductive]

While I don't disagree with what you're trying to do which is to validate single existence, it doesn't really answer the question of why some are always left behind and end up perpetually single.

 

The single person constantly rejecting people could be a reason to, or being "a commitment-phobe" as you say.

 

I think people that are constantly rejecting others by saying "He/she isn't this or that" are truly afraid of intimacy.

[jcrew11]

I think some of it might be having low expectations and being easy going.

It depends on who you are, what your career is, and what you want out of life.

There is certainly less pressure to marry early or have sex with just one person, nowadays.

But on the flip side, there are more promiscuous men who are taking advantage of the liberal society to shag as many woman as possible.

 

I'm not going to say that Feminism has hurt woman in terms of their dating options, but it has lessened the pressure for both men and woman to settle down and get married to one person at a young age.

[pink_sugar]

My dad is one of those people. I've been with my first relationship for 7 years. When we were dating, my dad insisted that I date several people before committing to one person. (I cannot even count how many people he has dated) Back then I didn't agree, still don't to some extent. If it works for someone the first time...it is rare, but why do they need to date others if they are already happy? I see that you do learn from being in multiple relationships, so you are selective in the future and make better choices on who to be with. However, a lot of people I know that go through a ton of relationships have a lot of unrealistic standards. I think a lot of people don't realize that no relationship will be 100% compatible and exactly what you want. If you are happy with someone, it's about making it work to have a successful relationship. Obviously you need to have things in common, but there will always be something you don't see eye to eye on. You have to learn to love what you have in common, but respect your differences.

Edited July 22, 2013 by pink_sugar

[Pompeii]

It takes some people longer than others to be a good partner, and to appreciate a good partner.

 

A lot of people will never appreciate a good partner.

 

 

 

A lot of people are chasing the wrong people, for the wrong reasons.

 

Fixed that for you.

[MissBee]

It comes when it comes...

 

I think people who spend their lives waiting to find a partner and act like life doesn't begin until then, will probably be depressed if it isn't happening when they think it should. I used to live to have a boyfriend or find "the one"...now, nope. I live my life fully and enjoy what singlehood brings and it's not a punishment. I have had relationships and life goes on...you have ups, downs, highs, lows etc. just like you did when single when you're in a relationship and now you have to think about another person and what they do directly impacts you. There are pros and cons to being single as well as being in a relationship.

 

For my own life path, it actually makes sense why I didn't have a serious relationship, as some decisions I needed to make about school/career-wise/ moving, if I had a boyfriend, I think I'd have probably made some decisions that wouldn't be the best for me longterm. However, as a single woman, I can go and come and make decisions about ME and my life and be in a more stable place following my dreams, then I can add a man to it, versus derail my life just because I'm inlove. I also know that before I truly settle down, say to marry, I've had to have certain life and relationship experiences, which I think are preparing me for that, which wouldn't have come earlier in my life.

 

It happens when it happens and one isn't necessarily luckier just because you married or found the one at 18....I am not at all envious of any of my friends who are married or have kids, as I am not ready for that yet. It's not my path. I will walk that path one day, but for now, it makes perfect sense to me why I didn't have that and I don't see it as something unfortunate at all.

Edited July 22, 2013 by MissBee

[GoodOnPaper]

It takes some people longer than others to be a good partner, and to appreciate a good partner.

 

A lot of younger people are chasing the wrong people, for the wrong reasons.

 

So it's necessary to sacrifice or at least downplay initial infatuation to find "compatibility"? If so, maybe I actually did something right! Just wish I felt better about it.

 

To answer the OP, I think a lot of blind luck is involved. A lot of life factors and circumstances -- good and bad -- led to my wife and I meeting and later getting together.

[Talulah]

Blind luck seems to be the winner:laugh:

[Got it]

That's wonderful Got it!...not everyone needs to get crazy and date a million people. Guess, I am just tired of dating people who are not right for me:rolleyes:

 

To me it just is. Maybe I settle more than you do? Maybe luck? Maybe . . . not sure. I think I would look at potential patterns in the people you have dated, what you liked in some relationships, what were dealbreakers and see if you are repeating the same patterns and work on changing them.

 

I think the odd thing I didn't go into either relationship thinking they were going to be anything more than just some fun. I wasn't taking them terribly seriously and wasn't thinking too far past today.

[Got it]

Right place and right time. If I stayed home that night I met my wife on the boardwalk I would probably be single right now.

 

Timing and seizing the opportunity is everything. We cross paths with hundreds of people in our lifetime, with the number of people in the world, statistically one would be compatible with a large number of people.

 

Some is just taking that jump, hoping for the best, and just going for it. Other is how rigid one's relationship ideologies are, world philosophies, general compatibility, and energy into the relationship.

 

Knowing how to find the right people who are healthy for you, in all relationships, cutting those that aren't away quickly, and not spending too much time trying to make something work that doesn't.

 

I know that with my first relationship/marriage that is what I did. Great guy but we were really a square peg/round hole. We had a great friendship but if we had started later we would have just gone to a friendship. But it just inched along because that is what it always did. There were definitely codependency issues with it. So a great relationship, one I don't regret, but one that I should have been healthier in. I learned SO much from him, from the relationship. I can't regret it for a second but it wasn't right for us.

 

Being with someone isn't the be all and end all, really. The loneliness time I have ever had was while in a relationship.