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How come some people find their 'person' earlier than others

Talulah

By Talulah
in General Relationship Discussion

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Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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Like you have two people who meet, click, and it's all good. While others spend years years locked in relationships only to be left. Might be a bit philosophical but I feel so unlucky at times. I mean how many lessons can you learn by being in failed relationship after failed relationship?

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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Yes, there is always a factor of luck involved, but it's mostly about who YOU are. On the outside and the inside.

 

My wife and I are were both "lucky" in that we bumped into each other when we did and so early in our lives (I was 25, she was 23), but if we weren't the type of people we were, it wouldn't have mattered. We either would have passed each other on by (and we actually did the first time around) or it wouldn't have lasted.

 

But we are both very open and honest people...we don't play games, we don't have ulterior motives in what we do, we don't overthink things (well...I tend to do but she is my "equalizer").

 

So, yes...there is luck involved...but you gotta make your own luck.

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Seductive Established Member

Seductive

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Yes, there is always a factor of luck involved, but it's mostly about who YOU are. On the outside and the inside.

 

My wife and I are were both "lucky" in that we bumped into each other when we did and so early in our lives (I was 25, she was 23), but if we weren't the type of people we were, it wouldn't have mattered. We either would have passed each other on by (and we actually did the first time around) or it wouldn't have lasted.

 

But we are both very open and honest people...we don't play games, we don't have ulterior motives in what we do, we don't overthink things (well...I tend to do but she is my "equalizer").

 

So, yes...there is luck involved...but you gotta make your own luck.

 

 

I agree with this. You got to make your own luck and look at what you're doing.

 

I'm a firm of believer that being happy and confident is more likely to help your dating life, as opposed to being sad, angry and insecure.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I wonder, too. I know a lot of people who have married their hs sweethearts or someone they met in high school. They dont know how easy they have it!

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Because some of us are horrible horrible people who should just forget about being loved. We look around at other peoples love lives which seem so clean and simple that they are like TV shows....unreal and unrelated to our reality. A self defeating thought perhaps but it only serves to perpetuate itself and prove it's own reality.

 

Sigh.

 

My logical brain says it is really just a matter of dumb luck. You get lucky moments and then have the right frame of mind to take advantage of them.

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Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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would you say luck or right timing?

Silly_Girl Established Member

Silly_Girl

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Be who you want to attract. Then meet as many people as possible and be circumspect. Take your time.

Got it Established Member

Got it

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Like you have two people who meet, click, and it's all good. While others spend years years locked in relationships only to be left. Might be a bit philosophical but I feel so unlucky at times. I mean how many lessons can you learn by being in failed relationship after failed relationship?

 

I am not sure, I have pondered this as well. I dated in high school but met my first husband at 17, dated and married mid twenties. There was some casual dating of others in college but only a few people.

 

I am now married again having dated one person.

 

I have only had sex with these two people.

 

I have no idea why it just worked. I don't feel like I am missing anything and really happy. I feel very satisfied.

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Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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I am not sure, I have pondered this as well. I dated in high school but met my first husband at 17, dated and married mid twenties. There was some casual dating of others in college but only a few people.

 

I am now married again having dated one person.

 

I have only had sex with these two people.

 

I have no idea why it just worked. I don't feel like I am missing anything and really happy. I feel very satisfied.

 

That's wonderful Got it!...not everyone needs to get crazy and date a million people. Guess, I am just tired of dating people who are not right for me:rolleyes:

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hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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would you say luck or right timing?

 

Luck maybe???

 

When I met my most recent ex, I was actually about to give up, but then he sent me a message on pof. :D

 

I dont know if I can do the date-a-million-people thing again. I just dont have the time or energy for it. I figure if it happens, it happens. *shrug*

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Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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Being a 'good' person is great to find someone. But I found that tons of 'cheater, no to so good' people get there too. I mean there are a lot of good people out there. Guess, it's waiting to find compability.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I am not sure, I have pondered this as well. I dated in high school but met my first husband at 17, dated and married mid twenties. There was some casual dating of others in college but only a few people.

 

I am now married again having dated one person.

 

I have only had sex with these two people.

 

I have no idea why it just worked. I don't feel like I am missing anything and really happy. I feel very satisfied.

 

I'm glad someone here is having such good luck. :love:

Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

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Like you have two people who meet, click, and it's all good. While others spend years years locked in relationships only to be left. Might be a bit philosophical but I feel so unlucky at times. I mean how many lessons can you learn by being in failed relationship after failed relationship?

 

'Cause people are different.

People have issues.

People are people.

 

Assess yourself and see if there's anything you can improve on, while still being true to yourself; find the person that is compatible with that.

Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

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Being a 'good' person is great to find someone. But I found that tons of 'cheater, no to so good' people get there too. I mean there are a lot of good people out there. Guess, it's waiting to find compability.

 

There's a really good reason for that. They're very charming and good at hiding their egotism. They put the good foot forward and don't let you see the mangled mess of an appendage dragging behind them. Unfortunately, it's usually too late before people find out and either they end up breaking up, or the other person thinks they can change them, or becomes codependent on them and doesn't know how to, or doesn't want to leave them.

 

Also, you shouldn't compare yourself or good people with *******s, based on relationship status. They're on their own level of bull**** you could never hope to aspire to. Feel sorry for the people who have to go through it.

 

There are good people out there; it's seeing past, accepting and or embracing their "flaws" and idiosyncrasies you have to learn to keep at the forefront of your mind. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes crazy mistakes and selfish ones, but if they're willing to humble up and make the best of it then they're good people, in my book.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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How come some people find their 'person' earlier than others?

 

Some people universally 'fit' more compatibly with a large portion of their social circle/demographic so have greater and more favorable odds of connecting successfully with another person. This can begin with early peer integration during adolescence. Some people are just more 'social'.

 

Personally, I found that, in my demographic, people tended to couple up and have kids very early (to me), like late teens/early 20's, so, having a different mindset about 'coupling', mainly due to socialization by older parents who didn't 'couple up' young, I 'missed' that first cycle in my late teens. Those who were socialized into the dynamic meshed better into the demographic so were more 'successful' in the realm of coupling than I was. That's life.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Some people universally 'fit' more compatibly with a large portion of their social circle/demographic so have greater and more favorable odds of connecting successfully with another person. This can begin with early peer integration during adolescence. Some people are just more 'social'.

 

Personally, I found that, in my demographic, people tended to couple up and have kids very early (to me), like late teens/early 20's, so, having a different mindset about 'coupling', mainly due to socialization by older parents who didn't 'couple up' young, I 'missed' that first cycle in my late teens. Those who were socialized into the dynamic meshed better into the demographic so were more 'successful' in the realm of coupling than I was. That's life.

 

^This.

 

In a sentence, if one is culturally different in some way they may not be as compatible with those who they happen to be around.

 

______

As for me this is why I say it's a matter of luck.

 

I live in the great metro area that is north east Illinois. 11 million people of every kind found in the USA are here. I have tried every kind of dating approach, not for short times either. I have been every kind of way and no matter how I was, never found anyone who stayed with me. I have never had a really satisfying relationship.

 

I have had great friends of every gender. I have had sexual relations with people of every gender. Yet I sometimes I wonder if I have ever had a "relationship" or even know what love really is.

 

All I can figure is if I have to ask such questions then the answer is no, and dumb luck leaves me bereft of a life partner. Instead I have to show for myself a collection of bad memories and tainted feelings.

 

To answer this question.

 

Some of us are just luckier than others. Just like some people never finding a good job and having a crappy career while others who work equally hard catch all the breaks. At least I have that.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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I think it's all just "luck", specifically numbers and timing.

 

The numbers simply haven't been in my favor yet, and my timing has not been right. The more I do to push the numbers in my favor, the more the "timing" issues will seem to fall into place.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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All the guys I have dated have been fine with marriage. I don't care if someone's marriage fails, actually I hate when people are so self assured and like "oh I met my SO when I was 15 and I'm married and blah blah" if those marriages fail.. Too bad, oh well, don't care. You don't know everything from my posts so don't go there you're too new.

 

 

"Don't go there you're too new"?

Seriously?

 

 

 

:sick:

This whole post is horrendous.

I agree with her, and guess what? I am NOT new.

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miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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I find it to be luck and timing.

 

 

 

 

I have never really had to worry about finding someone, there was a time where I dated for fun, but finding a partner has never been an issue. Many men I have dated I got along with swimmingly, we just happened t meet at an inconvenient moment.

 

 

 

Like someone else mentioned, I also happen to get along with a broader spectrum of people. I can date gamers, outdoorsy guys, sports fans... I fit them all because I like doing all those things. I am versatile. It has made it far easier for me to connect with most men I meet. As for finding the right person, that just comes down to dumb luck.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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I have met the right person every time.

All the times I've had relationships, they've been the Right person.

 

They didn't stop being the Right person when we broke up.

They simply became the Right person I was no longer with.

 

And that's OK.

 

ImperfectionisBeauty when you get married, you'll automatically fall into the category of people who have a 50% chance of making it.

And sadly, as things stand, I don't think you're going to be one of the lucky ones, with the attitudes you currently hold.

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Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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honestly I hope majority of those marriages fail..

 

 

 

Why in gods name would you HOPE other people's marriages fail? Why would you HOPE that people whose relationships have nothing to do with you have to go through pain and misery? Why would you be disappointed because people you went to high school with had happy and successful marriages???

 

 

:(

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tbf Established Member

tbf

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The more bat sh!7 crazy, the more difficult to find lasting love. My reasoning for this is the erratic nature of people with personality disorders or mental illness. Plenty of spikes and falls which means they're not going to appeal for any length of time, to anyone emotionally healthy, looking for an enduring relationship.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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I just really don't think it should be THAT easy for some people so I root for them to fail... I mean that's crap that some of us have to have ****ty lives and other people have it super easy that's wrong so yeah still feel the same.

 

There is more to life than relationships. They are a huge part of life, they make children possible etc... but there is more to life than them.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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It takes some people longer than others to be a good partner, and to appreciate a good partner.

 

A lot of younger people are chasing the wrong people, for the wrong reasons.

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tbf Established Member

tbf

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I think an attitude like yours can be the antithesis towards forming good relationships.

 

You might want to think about being a little more charitable to people - however easy you think they might have it.

 

Good luck.

So, any thoughts about why some find their person earlier than others?

 

A few I can think of off the top of my head are:

  1. Not ready to settle down.
  2. Highly selective.
  3. Wanting more than they can deliver by a long shot.
  4. Crazy.
  5. Commitment phobic.

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