keepontruckin Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 History: Without getting into too much detail in this particular thread, my wife left after an argument, and rented her own place. Her behaviour somewhat resembles the "walk-away-wife" syndrome. I tried to reconcile right away, but got the "love you, but not in love with you" spiel. Also heard the classic "we can still be friends" line. This was about three months ago. I was shocked how she went from a loving person, to someone with virtually no emotion (towards me anyhow) literally overnight. I question if I ever really knew her. I truly imagined that when we exchanged vows, she would be the woman that I'd grow old and die with. She was crazy about me! Anyhow, for the first couple of months after she left I did all the wrong things. I was extremely saddened, so I begged and begged for another chance. I then became angry, so I sent angry texts. I promised her that I'd change anything about myself that I needed to change! (And I was serious, as I probably would've done anything for her!) I had never been so angry and sad all at once in my entire life! To put it in perspective, I've had close family members die, and that was nothing compared to what I was initially feeling in terms of sadness. The Realization: After a couple of months of breaking every 'No Contact' rule in the book, I slowly started to realize that she would probably rather live homeless on the streets than to ever be with me again! She was even bringing up complaints about silly things that happened years ago, that I didn't even realize were a problem then, let alone now! Perhaps to justify her leaving to herself and to her family. The Problem: I couldn't get her out of my mind. Every waking hour I was consumed with thoughts of her. What could have been, and what should have been! My ego had taken a huge blow. I was down, not eating right. Not sleeping right. Missing her company, as she was the best friend I ever had (at one time!). Thinking "I'll never meet someone else as good and as beautiful as my soon to be ex wife." The (Partial) Solution That Assisted Me: Understanding that my wife is now only focused on the "bad" parts of me, and what she considers the "bad" parts of the relationship. This is in contrast to me initially only focusing on the "great" parts of her, and the "great" times in the relationship. This is what was contributing to my sadness, and explains why she shows little emotion. Time for thought reversal. Now I had to sit back and think about it, but it didn't take me that long to come up with a list of things that I particularly didn't like about her. Of course, I used to chock 'em up as slight character flaws and be accepting of them, but now I focus on her flaws to assist me in "leaving her," in essence. A few examples would be: Did she gain a few pounds since you'd met her? That now becomes a flaw in your mind. Did you have to do most of the housework? That now becomes a flaw. Did you have to handle the finances (i.e. pay the bills)? That now becomes a flaw. You just THINK about THEIR flaws, and just forget about them leaving. This isn't a sure-fire cure for anything, but it does help to "lessen the blow." Conclusion: There is probably nothing you can do to "fix" things, so you have to act in a manner that's right for your mind. Remember who decided to walk out, and remember their flaws... All of them! And don't let yourself hit desperately low levels like I did at first, if you can avoid it! Maintain your dignity! A couple of months ago I would've dressed up in a clown suit for her, complete with red nose and floppy shoes, and stood on a busy street corner clowning for her "love," if she asked me to. Don't be a red-nosed clown with floppy shoes. Be a man. And just remember their flaws also... 2
Author keepontruckin Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 My apologies to any real clowns that may post here... 1
Exitleft Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 My apologies to any real clowns that may post here... her loss!
Nyclovin Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 After the initial 2 weeks of begging and crying and etc. I have been NC for close to 2 months now after living together for lose to 5 years. One day she turned around and asked me to leave and find my own home. She has not contacted me either and I go on everyday trying to get it through my head she may never contact me again and I have to accept that. My best friend of 5 years suddenly dosent want anything to do with me. I may not be wearing the shoes and nose and I may be NC or 2 months, but I am most definitely still a clown.
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