Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Why do people play them? In my experience, mind games were always so exhausting. Is that because it creates delicious, gossipy drama?
Pyro Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Games is the key word there. Child's play designed for the insecure to have the 'power' 1
Author Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Ugh. How do they not find it exhausting? I find it exhausting just deciphering what the hell it is they want.
Pyro Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Ugh. How do they not find it exhausting? I find it exhausting just deciphering what the hell it is they want. I guess that some people won't feel comfortable until they feel that they have the upper hand. There are no shortage of that type so I advise to avoid them.
Author Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 You have to go into more detail if you want actual solid answers. There's a grad student at my work who keeps playing mind games. He won't leave me alone. I think I had a crush on him before but now I'm just really annoyed. I am working in a chem lab at my uni, it's a 4 month job. In the month I had gotten along with him really well, and we'd joke around a lot and he'd make me laugh more so than anyone else. He was also really helpful and nice. Then a month ago he turned nasty. His jokes gradually became meaner and recently he said that I had "average intelligence". Ouch. And that I "looked average". I left the lab and sent him 2 texts out of anger, and he replied with a reassuring text that I was not average but he didn't apologize even though he knew I was serious. A friend of mine says this guy likes me but he's insecurity issues. We've lately been talking a lot more than before as well. Last week he asked me for my number. And when I was typing it into his phone he was like "I mean, you don't have to give me your number, if you don't want to, you can erase it anytime you want". If this guy likes me, why can't he just act like a normal person and show it? Is he that afraid of rejection? He also knows I'm casually dating other men. I went on a date one weekend and came into work on Monday and this guy asks right away how the date was, and then proceeds to give me a long shpiele about how he's never going to date because he is perfectly happy single. All I care about is that my prof, who is my boss, doesn't get wind of this because I probably be kicked out then. And the other grad students in the lab have caught on so this is kind of a problem.
Author Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Oh yeah, and this guy has called me "pretty girl" and "honey" and when the grad students scheduled a white water rafting trip, this guy announced that he's only going if I'm going. What a loser.
tomtucker Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't think he's intentionally playing games. He's insecure and he likes you. In fact, he's probably nervous as hell around you. I'm willing to bet that he's a sensitive guy and doesn't have much experience with women. I did that to a few girls when I was younger and more insecure. He'll find his way eventually, probably long after he completely turns you off though, unfortunately.
MrTurk Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 If this guy likes me, why can't he just act like a normal person and show it? Is he that afraid of rejection? Guys like him act that way, because theres women that put up with it. If the world woke up tomorrow....and EVERY woman in the world flat out rejected that guy for doing what he does....he would change his approach or be single forever. Guys act the way they do towards women because theres women that put up with it. PERIOD.
Author Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I don't think he's intentionally playing games. He's insecure and he likes you. In fact, he's probably nervous as hell around you. I'm willing to bet that he's a sensitive guy and doesn't have much experience with women. I did that to a few girls when I was younger and more insecure. He'll find his way eventually, probably long after he completely turns you off though, unfortunately. That's unfortunate. Because when he's not acting like a complete tool, we actually get along really well. He knows how to crack me up, and I feel like I can be myself around him, which isn't common for me. He's 26 if that makes any difference. And he hasn't had good luck dating before. I remember him telling me one of his exes dumped him because she thought he was a pig (he asked her out, so he's obvs not scared of going after what he wants, even when his buds warned him against her). Idk. He just keeps annoying me more and more with every day. I'm tired of putting up with it.
Author Tinie Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) Guys like him act that way, because theres women that put up with it. If the world woke up tomorrow....and EVERY woman in the world flat out rejected that guy for doing what he does....he would change his approach or be single forever. Guys act the way they do towards women because theres women that put up with it. PERIOD. In that case, what do I do? Ignoring doesn't work. I tried ignoring him for most of the week (doesn't always work since a few times most grads were out for lunch and it was just me and this guy in the lab). But yesterday he wouldn't leave me alone. Every time he was near me, he'd start talking to me. So I can ignore him but it's not going to make him go away. And if I do communicate, it's with answers as short as possible now. Sucks because things weren't like this before. He was so friendly and easygoing (which is why I started liking him- we had been getting along great). Edited July 20, 2013 by Tinie Adding stuff
MrTurk Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 In that case, what do I do? Ignoring doesn't work. I tried ignoring him for most of the week (doesn't always work since a few times most grads were out for lunch and it was just me and this guy in the lab). But yesterday he wouldn't leave me alone. Every time he was near me, he'd start talking to me. So I can ignore him but it's not going to make him go away. And if I do communicate, it's with answers as short as possible now. Sucks because things weren't like this before. He was so friendly and easygoing (which is why I started liking him- we had been getting along great). Just because a guy WAS nice before....and isnt now....doesnt mean you should date him, hoping that nice version returns. If he treats you bad, then make him a lab acquaintance and thats it. Nobody is forcing you to interact with him on a personal level.
MrCastle Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 It's about insecurity and protection of ego. Insecurity in the sense that they feel they have to pull out these tricks in order to keep a mate, and they protect themselves by doing what they feel is necessary to avoid heartache. 2
tomtucker Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 That's unfortunate. Because when he's not acting like a complete tool, we actually get along really well. He knows how to crack me up, and I feel like I can be myself around him, which isn't common for me. He's 26 if that makes any difference. And he hasn't had good luck dating before. I remember him telling me one of his exes dumped him because she thought he was a pig (he asked her out, so he's obvs not scared of going after what he wants, even when his buds warned him against her). Idk. He just keeps annoying me more and more with every day. I'm tired of putting up with it. Yeah, that is a bit old to be acting like that (I stopped with that kind of stuff when I was 23 after an incident where I messed up BIG time and was forced to re-evaluate my actions). Hopefully, that day will come for him one day too. I asked girls out too back then and had some success with women. Some women I was okay around, others I wasn't. Looking back, I have no idea why one affected me more than another, but it seems like this guy is similarly inconsistent.
Author Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies! It's weird. He acts so nice and polite around everyone else. Girls and guys. I used to talk to him a lot. Last week I had a party to go to and I finished my experiments early but stuck around the lab because I had nowhere to go to and I didn't have time to go home. Everyone went home early except him and we talked for over 2 hours while he worked on his experiments. He's always had jokes that were a bit mean, but nothing insulting my intelligence until this week. My close friend who I shared this with also said that this guy has insecurities. This guy also mentioned his romantic life and how he had been on dates and such, but he brushed it all off as if nothing between him and other girls had ever been serious. He always does little weird things that make me question his motives. Yesterday he was taking a break and went on reddit and found a funny post with my name in it (a coincidence lol). He joked that he was going to make that the background for the desktop of that computer (it was a lab computer shared by everyone). A few weeks ago I asked him to turn on some music and he did, saying he's trying to "expose me to different styles of music" when I asked him why he didn't turn on the usual electronica. He also remembers little details like my volunteering with birds every Sunday (I don't even remember telling him about it). I think he does like me, because I don't see why those things would be important to him. He also makes a really big deal about my flirting with him occasionally or when he does something for me (as if he's trying to get my attention or something).
tomtucker Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies! It's weird. He acts so nice and polite around everyone else. Girls and guys. I used to talk to him a lot. Last week I had a party to go to and I finished my experiments early but stuck around the lab because I had nowhere to go to and I didn't have time to go home. Everyone went home early except him and we talked for over 2 hours while he worked on his experiments. He's always had jokes that were a bit mean, but nothing insulting my intelligence until this week. My close friend who I shared this with also said that this guy has insecurities. This guy also mentioned his romantic life and how he had been on dates and such, but he brushed it all off as if nothing between him and other girls had ever been serious. He always does little weird things that make me question his motives. Yesterday he was taking a break and went on reddit and found a funny post with my name in it (a coincidence lol). He joked that he was going to make that the background for the desktop of that computer (it was a lab computer shared by everyone). A few weeks ago I asked him to turn on some music and he did, saying he's trying to "expose me to different styles of music" when I asked him why he didn't turn on the usual electronica. He also remembers little details like my volunteering with birds every Sunday (I don't even remember telling him about it). I think he does like me, because I don't see why those things would be important to him. He also makes a really big deal about my flirting with him occasionally or when he does something for me (as if he's trying to get my attention or something). You seem to remember every detail of every interaction that you had with him. Are you sure that you're not the one that likes him?
Author Tinie Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) You seem to remember every detail of every interaction that you had with him. Are you sure that you're not the one that likes him? Maybe I do. I'm trying to forget about it. I like him, but I'm frustrated and his attitude frankly annoys me. I just don't really know what to think of the situation. It seems like sometimes he's interested, sometimes he's not interested. Hence why I'm annoyed at his mind games, or whatever it is he's doing. Edited July 21, 2013 by Tinie
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