sarahsmith Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I work with a man we are in different states but recently traveled with him. We actually talked about many different subjects and spent a lot of time together and grew closer emotionally in the sense we confided in eachother about our pasts, current marriage, etc. We are both married, yet I think searching for something else. Looking for a connection... Since our trip I have recently spent time with our company at a convention with my husband... he called me on my personal cell to see how I was doing and mentioned "he was thinking about me and he really cares about me", he wants me to be happy...... etc... ALso pulled me aside to tell me "I looked really good tonight with well intense eye contact" also emailed me today and said "I really care about you". We are both married.... are his feelings signs of an emotional connection? Is it common for married men to say these things to women, especially those they work with and mentor? Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 He's fishing..... noncommittal feelers to see how you react..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahsmith Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 Is he hoping I react by saying anything certain? And does his wife know we are having these conversations? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Like Dazed said - he's fishing and no - his wife doesn't know does your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahsmith Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 FISHING FOR WHAT? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 by guess would be TO GET IN YOUR PANTS! Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Both of you are one drunken evening from a full-fledged affair. As of now, both of you are having an emotional affair. The confidences exchanged, the knowing looks, the shared sense of "deep" connection are the base foundation for the affair castle you and your MM are methodically constructing. All this stuff is basic text from Affair 101, the course. I don't believe the MM is "fishing." You've already hooked each other and now you're both reeling each other in. Changing analogies, you're both performing the Affair minuet. All that's left is the sex. And when that happens, and it will, it will be fantastic compared to the white bread marital sex. Then, 6 moths or a year into the affair, and your double life of deception and secrets, one of you will get cold feet and seek to end it. My guess is that it will be you. You'll then probably receive unwanted attention, at work, from your mentor. Everyone at work will learn of your affair and, because you're the woman, you'll catch most of the blame. If your now ex-MM persists in showering you with unwanted attention, or retaliates against you for withdrawing affection, you may end up filing a sexual harassment lawsuit and/or losing your job. You've already built your affair castle. Will you and your MM have the sense not to inhabit it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahsmith Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 I am not so sure we have "hooked" each other he does not know how I feel in fact for some reason I was casually attracted to him then became emotionally attracted to him as soon as he did the "I really care about you" line.... I am still unsure what he means by that line, also the I want you to be happy etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 "I want you to be happy" = with me-sexually "I want you to be happy" = I'm bored and want new sex "I want you to be happy" = I'm bored with my wife, what can you offer? "I really care about you" = you can make me happy between the sheets "I really care about you" = you gave me an emotional line, I'm going to see how far I can take it "I really care about you" = "I can make you happier than your husband makes you" = you can make me happy between the sheets IF he honestly cared about your feelings or your happiness he would be decent and leave you alone and let you work on your marriage. Work on your marriage. IF your marriage, after trying counseling and really REALLY working on it, has no future, get a divorce and then you can pursue other relationships. If you want to pursue one with this guy, make sure he is divorced first. You said that you were really attracted to him after he gave you the "I care" line. That tells me that you don't feel that your husband cares enough about you, or that he is not showing you he cares. Work on that. Your husband might be feeling the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate by guess would be TO GET IN YOUR PANTS! That'd be my guess too. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I think what he said can be loosely translated as follows: "I'm a dickhead, contemplating cheating on my wife, want to hook up and be an immoral a**h*** with me?" Sounds like a recipe for good times, lemme tell ya... so, thus ends the free advice. Question is, what are you going to do now? Link to post Share on other sites
Butchey Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 If he's not getting what he needs at home emotionally he will look elsewhere. And chances are, if his emotions are not being met, neither is his sexual appetite getting fed. Most men place sex over emotions. So I would steer clear of building a strong bond with him. Find a woman to share your feelings with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahsmith Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 IS it possible his comments are innocent, and he is being a caring friend?? He is married Can we be friends in a platonic relationship? We only see eachother every other month or so.... Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Men have natural curiosity of driving through dark downtown tunnels. They may also stop by the " Breastvilles" rest areas. Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I think what he said can be loosely translated as follows: "I'm a dickhead, contemplating cheating on my wife, want to hook up With the exception of the "dickhead" thing, that's exactly what this guy is asking. You're receiving not so coded offers to enter into an affair. The "care" word is a precursor, very early into an affair, of the "love" word. He's saying, "I care" about you; I want you to be "happy." Translation: Your husband doesn't "care" about you the way I do. I want you to be "happy," and only I can make you truly "happy." Your husband cannot. Also, I'm looking out for your happiness. I'm a nice guy who "cares" about you as a person, and I don't just want to get laid. Deeper translation: Let's fu#k. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I agree with Sinner on every word except the last two" Let's ****". This man is trying to lift you up. That is only possible, according to him, when you let him use his jack. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarahsmith Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 PLease clarify SAMI.... SO does he care or not? Just lines.... ? Trying to lift me up meaning feel sorry for me, or truly he wants to be the one to make me happy for now?? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 As Sinner said:" **** you up". simply put, this guy is after sex. Is that what you want from him? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Everyone is telling you the same thing...the question is, are you going to act on what you're hearing?? You are WAY beyond where you should be, and you know it. Now admit it to yourself. You've got feelings for someone who isn't your husband...."danger Will Robinson...DANGER!!!". You're getting advice from everyone hear telling you that you need to break it off and walk away...and to come clean to your husband. I know its not what you want to hear...so are you going to listen to the host of people here who have been either in your shoes, your husband's shoes, or the OM's shoes??? Or are you going to ignore what you've been told because you feel that "I know what you're saying, but what I'm going through is DIFFERENT!"? Trust me...its not. There are so many warning bells going off in your post that you would be seeing them yourself if you weren't the one in that position. Time to make a SERIOUS decision here friend...and you're in a bad position to have to make it. You're feeling like your love for your husband aren't what it used to be, and you're feeling like this OM is the answer to those feelings. The ONLY way to know if that is true or not is to TOTALLY break off contact with the OM...completely!! Once you've gone through the withdrawl of doing that, begin rebuilding with your husband. You're going to have to come clean with him before you do anything...or else you'll find reasons NOT to tell him, and you'll NEVER reconcile this. He's going to know something is wrong...if he doesn't already. You're at the crux of it now...explore what you're feeling with the OM, or rebuild what you had with your husband. Listen to the other ladies and men here who've been in your shoes...the feelings you've got right now WON'T last. They're the excitement of a new relationship, and the thrill of the forbidden. You've gotten advice from a lot of people here...now, what are you gonna do from here??? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Thank you much my friend. You made it soooo easy, nice and clear. I very much loved it. Hope she will listen as you said. Link to post Share on other sites
only1life Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I'm not gonna ask, I'm gonna tell - DON'T GO THRU WITH IT! Is a few days or even months of fun with him worth giving up ALL that you have with your husband? If your situation with your husband is not good, then deal with that, in whatever way it takes, before touching another man. Then, if it doesn't work out with your husband, then you can start looking around. In order for it to work, 99% of the time, it has to proceed in that direction. Otherwise, I can tell you from personal experience, there will be a LOT of really bad feelings. Don't do it. Stay away from this man! Get some help with what you already have committed to. Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Thank you much my friend. You made it soooo easy, nice and clear. I very much loved it. Hope she will listen as you said. Great posts, but I believe we're banging our wise and weary heads against the steel door. Once those thrill hormones start flowing, and the fatal attraction really kicks in, you just fasten your seatbelt and hope everyone survives the affair's inevitable crash and burn. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I simply don't understand why we keep saying such things like" .. He wants to get or fish into your pants" when we all know all he wants is to take her pants off and throw them as far away as possible. Cum on guys/ladies and be as direct and honest as Sinner is. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 PLease clarify SAMI.... SO does he care or not? Just lines.... ? Trying to lift me up meaning feel sorry for me, ?? It sounds like you are wanting to hear what YOU want to hear "he only wants you as a friend it's okay to continue these "private" conversations with him it's all innocent he cares about you and just wants to be your best friend" OMG are you seriously not going to look and see what his true intentions are? You're old enough to be married but not old enough to see someone "hitting on you" and feeling it out to see if an affair is possible... What disturbs me is........... or truly he wants to be the one to make me happy for now?? Do you think that man is him?? Dear if you can't see he is trying to begin an affair with you then you are naive and need to wake up before you become another "OW" saying "how did this happen" "why won't he leave his wife for me" "is he just using me" "why is this happening to me what did I do to deserve it" "blah blah blah blah blah" Go to the "OW" forum and read their posts, they are all basically the same things just worded differently, if this is the future you want for yourself then by all means go on with it, if not stop contact with him before it goes too far. Also how would you feel if your husband was carrying on the way you are? Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Sarah....dont get lost in the fog talk. Listen to what everyone is saying here, its all the same thing.....like Owl just said....you are at the crux.....only 2 paths.....end all contact (except work related) and concentrate on you marriage OR proceed to the next step of your Emo A....which is a Physical A.....and thats when the HURT comes in .....hurt to your innerself, your spose, your family, his wife, his fammily, his children, your children..... tread lightly....you are in very dangerous waters...... trust in God and do the right thing..... Link to post Share on other sites
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