Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 The staying busy part (classes and gym etc) were suggested (in part) so you might meet new people since you said you just moved somewhere new to you. People you might find interesting and exciting. I don't know where you got that. I've lived here all my life, and have a big circle of friends. My problem is not lack of hobbies or lack of things to do. I'm typically overwhelmingly busy. And even if I weren't, that has nothing to do with how he's treating me.
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Agreed. Mycteria, how many times/how often has this been happening? Only what I've mentioned. He's fallen asleep or something a few times and then the two instances that I detailed, yesterday and tonight. He will also sometimes tell me he's coming over at a certain time at night after we get off work (we mostly see each other at night) but then be an hour is so late. I'm not too worried about that kind of stuff though because I do it too. Sometimes you get off work later than expected or take too long in the shower or whatever. I've never been bothered by that.
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 My apologies. I see you changed your job position... I misread it... And thought it meant you moved.
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 My apologies. I see you changed your job position... I misread it... And thought it meant you moved. Oh, I see where you got that. No, I changed locations within the same company, but the new location is still in my city and I already knew half the people at the new location anyway.
dasein Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 He is being inconsiderate, and it could be just growing pains in the relationship. Tell him without rancor it is not acceptable, that he wouldn't like it if you kept him hanging around or waiting for you in these types of situations, and it needs to change. You will learn lots about him in his response and if he changes the bad behavior.
bluegreen Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Will you people please stop it with the too available crap! How available she is/isn't has no bearing on the way he treats her, who he is does. He had planned to go to her house and should of let her known immediately when he realized he couldn't make it. He basically held her hostage for that amount of time. Not respecting someones time is obviously very rude. Instead of doing xyz to appear less "available" look at his actions, which you are. The honey moon phase has ended for him and he's not looking through rose colored lenses any more and his true colors are starting to show and it seems about right because it's within the ol "it takes 3-6 months to get to know someone" window. I agree been there done that it started like this and it kept going down.
CarrieT Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 So, OP - the time has come for one of those "we have to have a talk" discussions with the BF. With two threads in two days regarding mis-communications in your relationship, you need to redirect the boat you two are on and unload some of these things that are bothering you. He needs to understand that you have been hearing one thing from him (the vacation thing and timing issues on events and planning), but then seeing actions that contradict what you have been hearing. Do not play the game of, "you said this but did this." Don't point figures. Simply explain that you understood or heard this, this and this and drew these conclusions... It is a fine point between what people actually say and what another person interprets that they said and it will be very important for you to emphasize that fact. When you get into the "he said/she said" style of discussion, it puts people on the defensive of trying to remember their exact words and you don't want to go there. Simply explain that you were under the impression that he was going to contact you about the after-rehearsal party and was disappointed when you had to be the one contacting him, etc. You can emphasize that since you changed your job (to benefit the relationship = not for him!), that things have not felt as equal as you want. Hope this helps.
jphcbpa Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 He is being inconsiderate, and it could be just growing pains in the relationship. Tell him without rancor it is not acceptable, that he wouldn't like it if you kept him hanging around or waiting for you in these types of situations, and it needs to change. You will learn lots about him in his response and if he changes the bad behavior. Make a request, not a demand. That you love him just the way he is and in the future you would like for a similar situation to happen in a different way. Also, you could have still gone to the bar, played it cool and talked to him about it the next day.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Dang, second post in as many days! And up until now this relationship has been 100% smooth sailing. Sheesh. Background - 5 month relationship, sincerely one of the sweetest and most moral guys I've ever met, traditional background, I left my job so we could be together. It seems like lately my boyfriend has been disrespecting my time. Yesterday he was supposed to come over on his break from work (2-5:30) to hang out and finish his laundry he was doing at my house. I sent him a text at 2:30 asking if he'd eaten...no reply. Call him a couple hours later. No reply. Finally at 10:30 I get a call saying he ended up staying at work for various reasons. He didn't bother to text me or anything. I was pretty annoyed about it and he was apologetic. He said he was really busy but come on, it takes 2 seconds to send a text. I waited around all that time not knowing if he was going to show up. I needed to run an errand which I finally did and just left my door unlocked. Tonight he had a rehearsal dinner to go to. I'm going with him to the wedding tomorrow but couldn't go to the dinner tonight. I was going to meet p with him after the dinner at the bar they were all going to afterwards. He never kept me updated on when he was leaving the dinner and I didn't want to get ready and then be sitting around waiting on him. Finally at 11 pm I asked what was up and he said they had just gotten to the bar. I'm thinking, wtf? You couldn't at least let me know when y'all were leaving so I could get ready? By this point I was super annoyed and didn't want to go so I told him I'd be staying home. He said "awesome, I'll call you in the morning." There have been a few other times where he was supposed to come over but ended up falling asleep or something. I excused those times because he had never done anything like the in the past but now it's just getting annoying. Am I overreacting? I'm seriously bummed that I'm not at the bar with him right now. I was really looking forward to it. But I know I'd just be pissy when I got there at this point. This is stupid. Did you ask him this? What was his response? In any event, it was very inconsiderate of him. If you hadn't called him, do you think he'd have eventually called you? He's definitely not making you a priority. I'd feel like he just wasn't interested in seeing me
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