Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Dang, second post in as many days! And up until now this relationship has been 100% smooth sailing. Sheesh. Background - 5 month relationship, sincerely one of the sweetest and most moral guys I've ever met, traditional background, I left my job so we could be together. It seems like lately my boyfriend has been disrespecting my time. Yesterday he was supposed to come over on his break from work (2-5:30) to hang out and finish his laundry he was doing at my house. I sent him a text at 2:30 asking if he'd eaten...no reply. Call him a couple hours later. No reply. Finally at 10:30 I get a call saying he ended up staying at work for various reasons. He didn't bother to text me or anything. I was pretty annoyed about it and he was apologetic. He said he was really busy but come on, it takes 2 seconds to send a text. I waited around all that time not knowing if he was going to show up. I needed to run an errand which I finally did and just left my door unlocked. Tonight he had a rehearsal dinner to go to. I'm going with him to the wedding tomorrow but couldn't go to the dinner tonight. I was going to meet p with him after the dinner at the bar they were all going to afterwards. He never kept me updated on when he was leaving the dinner and I didn't want to get ready and then be sitting around waiting on him. Finally at 11 pm I asked what was up and he said they had just gotten to the bar. I'm thinking, wtf? You couldn't at least let me know when y'all were leaving so I could get ready? By this point I was super annoyed and didn't want to go so I told him I'd be staying home. He said "awesome, I'll call you in the morning." There have been a few other times where he was supposed to come over but ended up falling asleep or something. I excused those times because he had never done anything like the in the past but now it's just getting annoying. Am I overreacting? I'm seriously bummed that I'm not at the bar with him right now. I was really looking forward to it. But I know I'd just be pissy when I got there at this point. This is stupid.
mesmerized Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 This doesn't sound good...If he's been doing it often recently, I'm afraid he is having doubts about your relationship, perhaps already planning a breakup in his head. Hard to say. Is he sweet and caring in other times?
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think he's not considering your feelings. That sucks. Can you get a job? Stay busy, busy, busy!!! He's taking you for granted because you are too available. Top that off with you left a job to be with him? That shouldn't have happened! You need to look out for your best interest - he's not going to do that for you. Who's paying your expenses right now? 2
bluegreen Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Seeing someone on side or started hanging out with her pretty soon he will be to busy at work will need space its me not you. How about you tell him until you learn to respect my time and myself as person we take a bit time apart see what he does. More you argue worse it will be you can't teach him to respect you unless he wants to ...
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 I moved to another location in the same company but had to go through training again and not making what I was. The transition has been pretty rough but that is not his fault. I did it willingly. He has offered me support but I haven't taken him up on it. Yes, he has always been wonderful and affectionate. That's why lately I've been blindsided. I do feel like an afterthought.
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 He's definitely not seeing someone on the side. I know his work schedule because I used to work there and know everyone he works with. He spends all his free time with me and stays with me most nights. Plus he's very traditional (waiting till marriage type, and he's 24). He's definitely not cheating.
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Take a class. Join a gym. Start being so busy that he needs to schedule time ahead to be sure you're available. It also helps you meet other people.
bluegreen Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think all of this happened before he really was ready. Some guys jump in the things and then start thinking few months down the road. He might even actually be trying to get you to break up with him or this is who he really is and he is showing his true colors. You have your job youth and are lovely girl why are you wasting it on someone who can not show you minimum courtesy ?
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Take a class. Join a gym. Start being so busy that he needs to schedule time ahead to be sure you're available. It also helps you meet other people. I've always been insanely busy. When we met I was working 2 jobs, an internship, plus full time school. It's just summer right now so my schedule is a lot slower. This isn't a case of me always sitting around pining for him. This is a case of us making plans and him just dropping the ball. I don't think another hobby is what I need...I have plenty. Maybe it's true though that this is aggravating me more than usual Because the past few weeks my new job has been really slow and I don't really have the money to do much. I don't know.
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 He's training you to expect him to treat you poorly. Are you willing to allow that?
SJC2008 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Will you people please stop it with the too available crap! How available she is/isn't has no bearing on the way he treats her, who he is does. He had planned to go to her house and should of let her known immediately when he realized he couldn't make it. He basically held her hostage for that amount of time. Not respecting someones time is obviously very rude. Instead of doing xyz to appear less "available" look at his actions, which you are. The honey moon phase has ended for him and he's not looking through rose colored lenses any more and his true colors are starting to show and it seems about right because it's within the ol "it takes 3-6 months to get to know someone" window. 6
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) I think all of this happened before he really was ready. Some guys jump in the things and then start thinking few months down the road. He might even actually be trying to get you to break up with him or this is who he really is and he is showing his true colors. You have your job youth and are lovely girl why are you wasting it on someone who can not show you minimum courtesy ? Because he's really one of the best people I've ever known. He has strong morals and is always shocking me with how great a partner he is. His view f what a relationship should be is exactly the same as my view. Up until now this is the easiest relationship I've ever been in. He has always made me feel secure and respected. But maybe you are right and he's just showing his true colors. I will say that he is a super laid back guy. He's a procrastinator and is always very loose and flexible with his plans. I'm the same way, but he's taking it too far. Edited July 20, 2013 by Mycteria
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Will you people please stop it with the too available crap! How available she is/isn't has no bearing on the way he treats her, who he is does. He had planned to go to her house and should of let her known immediately when he realized he couldn't make it. He basically held her hostage for that amount of time. Not respecting someones time is obviously very rude. Instead of doing xyz to appear less "available" look at his actions, which you are. The honey moon phase has ended for him and he's not looking through rose colored lenses any more and his true colors are starting to show and it seems about right because it's within the ol "it takes 3-6 months to get to know someone" window. Agreed. Mycteria, how many times/how often has this been happening?
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Will you people please stop it with the too available crap! How available she is/isn't has no bearing on the way he treats her, who he is does. He had planned to go to her house and should of let her known immediately when he realized he couldn't make it. He basically held her hostage for that amount of time. Not respecting someones time is obviously very rude. Instead of doing xyz to appear less "available" look at his actions, which you are. The honey moon phase has ended for him and he's not looking through rose colored lenses any more and his true colors are starting to show and it seems about right because it's within the ol "it takes 3-6 months to get to know someone" window. He didn't hold her hostage! She was perfectly capable of doing anything she wanted. She CHOSE to wait around for him. Stop waiting around - start doing your own thing more often. I hope you didn't do his laundry.
SJC2008 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 (edited) He didn't hold her hostage! She was perfectly capable of doing anything she wanted. She CHOSE to wait around for him. Stop waiting around - start doing your own thing more often. I hope you didn't do his laundry. I knew a response like this was coming. I get the jest of what you're saying but what time should she have mailed it in? 2:15? 3:00? Hell if she changed her mind and didn't want to be there and left before 2 he wouln't have known so what difference does it make? Edited July 20, 2013 by SJC2008 edit 1
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 If someone is 10 minutes late and doesn't communicate - I move forward to my next task/outing. No need to waste time and energy if someone isn't respectful of my time. It's considerate to communicate effectively. If he's not - that trait will continue with the relationship. Are you willing to be treated that way with ineffective communication?
Aero-el Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Background - 5 month relationship, sincerely one of the sweetest and most moral guys I've ever met, traditional background, I left my job so we could be together. Yesterday he was supposed to come over on his break from work (2-5:30) to hang out and finish his laundry he was doing at my house. I sent him a text at 2:30 asking if he'd eaten...no reply. Call him a couple hours later. No reply. Finally at 10:30 I get a call saying he ended up staying at work for various reasons. By this point I was super annoyed and didn't want to go so I told him I'd be staying home. He said "awesome, I'll call you in the morning." There have been a few other times where he was supposed to come over but ended up falling asleep or something. I excused those times Moral/traditional guy, you say? I don't care if he's the Pope, everyone has a closet. That's a secondary conversation that I'm not going to go into here. However, one should observe the evidence that's been shown. If he wasn't always like this when you guys started dating 5 months ago and all this stuff is more recent, then that' s a change in his behavior. A negative change, that is. Without more data, the rest is speculation. I can safely say that you two are lacking in the communications department, and communication is one of the most important things in any successful relationship.
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 If someone is 10 minutes late and doesn't communicate - I move forward to my next task/outing. No need to waste time and energy if someone isn't respectful of my time. It's considerate to communicate effectively. If he's not - that trait will continue with the relationship. Are you willing to be treated that way with ineffective communication? 10 minutes? And you'd bail? On your BF? Are you in a relationship?
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 10 minutes? And you'd bail? On your BF? Are you in a relationship? Yes, yes and yes. If no communication - yes.
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 If I bailed after 10 minutes, we'd never see each other. Our jobs are hectic and we often don't get off work till an hour or two after we're "supposed" to get off. I'm a very flexible person and so is he with regards to that sort of thing. But lately he's taken it way too far. 1
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 It takes no effort to send a text and communicate! I'll wait, sure, anytime...as long as they tell me what to expect so I can decide what to do (wait or leave and reschedule). It's rude to expect someone to wait without letting them know you're delayed. 1
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 If I bailed after 10 minutes, we'd never see each other. Our jobs are hectic and we often don't get off work till an hour or two after we're "supposed" to get off. I'm a very flexible person and so is he with regards to that sort of thing. But lately he's taken it way too far. Well, looks like you've allowed it...and given him the idea it's ok to keep you waiting.
Author Mycteria Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 Well, looks like you've allowed it...and given him the idea it's ok to keep you waiting. I haven't "allowed" anything. Being a couple hours late getting off work is one thing. Not calling altogether or not keeping me updated even when he's not at work is something else. Thanks to the posters who helped. To the ones who suggested I get more hobbies or that I basically asked for this...yeah, no comment. 1
2sunny Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 The staying busy part (classes and gym etc) were suggested (in part) so you might meet new people since you said you just moved somewhere new to you. People you might find interesting and exciting.
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