Kat Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Not sure where this should be so move if you think it is in the wrong spot Just found out that my ex has got is current partner pregnant. This means my little girl, if his partner doesn't lose the baby, will have a brother or sister. This also means that a guy who can't even support one child emotionally, let alone financially, is going to breed again. He is unemployed and has been since I have known him. He hardly pays any child support at all ($10 a month) and has dragged me through th court system for over fourt years now. He was physically abusive to me while pregnant, before and after and has threatened my babies life. He has also been abusive to her and from what I have heard, worse than anything he ever inflicted on me. How can people like this who can't even support one child be allowed to breed? How can women let men like this use them? I mean she is pregnant and she supports both of them and has since they met. I am flabbergasted and really really angry that he hasn't grown up one bit. We got asked in court recently if my partner and I had discussed having kids, we said yes. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to get in first, That or he did with her what he did with me, got me pregnant because he know I was about to leave and thought it would make me stay.
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by Pocky Nothing really to say.. Are my feelings overboard? Do I have a right to feel like this? Is it any of my business? Has anyone else been through this?
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 How can women let men like this use them? How did you? I'm of the opinion that if you have to have a license to have a dog you should have to have a license to have a child. Clearly he would fail. But then you wouldn't have your little girl whom I'm sure you love very much. I realise he's the father of your child who is about to have a half-sibling, but really, why does it bother you so much? You're rid of him now. By the sounds of it you should be considering yourself lucky. No doubt she'll get rid of him too.
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate I realise he's the father of your child who is about to have a half-sibling, but really, why does it bother you so much? You're rid of him now. By the sounds of it you should be considering yourself lucky. No doubt she'll get rid of him too. But I am not rid of him. He is still in my daughters life because he believes he has a right to be. And yet it seems that she doesn't have the right to have a decent male as her father? He sees my daughter as something he owns and has rights too, not as a human who has a life all of her own. He can't even care for this child and yet he thinks all he needs to do is get someone pregnant to be a parent? I am angry at her that she has let him do this, because he is going to use this as something to show that he is responsibile or whatever he wants to pretend it is and therefore put my duaghter more at risk
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 But I am not rid of him. He is still in my daughters life because he believes he has a right to be. Hence the court dragging you mentioned? I am angry at her that she has let him do this, I think your anger toward her is misplaced. Surely, you of all people, can put yourself in her shoes? I'm not quite sure how this puts your daughter more at risk - he's already not supporting her financially (I wouldn't call $10 a month support & guess you don't either) & I doubt he's much of an emotional support either from the way you've described him.
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 It pisses me off anyone can go and reproduce yet you need a license to do basically everything else. This douchebag shouldn't have had one kid and now he is going to be a father to another. Please, could someone please get this guy snipped. Humans make me embarrassed and in a way sad. Oh and I think your anger towards her and being shocked by her getting pregnant by him is silly. You got knocked up by this guy before she did. Do you feel angry at yourself for what happened or are you just whipping off a double standard?
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate Hence the court dragging you mentioned? Yes. It hasn't finished either. I fear for the safety of my daughter and I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. He has yet to show me that he is anyone but the terrible man I left so I have nothing to go on but what I know. I think your anger toward her is misplaced. Surely, you of all people, can put yourself in her shoes? No I can't. He can do no wrong and it is all my fault. Even after she got put in hospital by him, I was lying when he said he was abusive. I knew what he did to me was wrong and I didn't blame anyone but both of us. She was warned before she entered this relationship. She chose to ignore the warnings. To make it worse, she lied in court and said that he has never been abusive to her and by saying this she knew it would expose my daughter to his man, she did it anyway. I'm not quite sure how this puts your daughter more at risk - he's already not supporting her financially (I wouldn't call $10 a month support & guess you don't either) & I doubt he's much of an emotional support either from the way you've described him. I don't know either, but I feel as if it will Originally posted by Weird Oh and I think your anger towards her and being shocked by her getting pregnant by him is silly. You got knocked up by this guy before she did. Do you feel angry at yourself for what happened or are you just whipping off a double standard? I still sayed my own woman. She was in an abusive relationship before this man and was warned about him and she still went in. She has spent three years saying she is going to leave him and that he is no good for her. I can't get over the fact that she lied and put my daughter in harms way. Someone who does that isn't fit to be a parent, nt to mention how the kid will turn out with two parents like that. I am angry and I don't know why.
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Sounds like she has some problems and it is frightening that both of them are going to raise a child. Yikes. A question...was this guy just great to you before he planted his seed in you? He sounds like a guy who has always been a jackass and if that is the case I am trying to figure out how you got knocked up by him since you are so critical of this other woman going down the same path you did.
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by Weird A question...was this guy just great to you before he planted his seed in you? He sounds like a guy who has always been a jackass and if that is the case I am trying to figure out how you got knocked up by him since you are so critical of this other woman going down the same path you did. He was just the nicest guy ever for the first month or so. Then it went sour. It was the same old bs. Black eye, I am sorry I will change, stay, he doesn't change, black eye, I am sorry I will change, stay, he doesn't change. After he beat me up on my 18th birthday I said enough is enough. I back by pags and said goodbye. I found out 4 days after leaving him and flying home interstate that I was pregnant. He said that he would change and get help. He moved up and started beating me up while pregnant. This is when I pretty much said enough is enough and walked. He was the typical, make you lose all your friends so all I had was him, kinda guy. It took a lot to leave because I was young (17) and naive but I did and it did't take me two years of abuse to see this guy wasn't going to change. I made a mistake and stayed with this boy for just over a year (6mths full on, 6mths on and off with me keeping my distance). She has been with him for over three.
Weird Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 OK so basically she has done the same thing you have except has stayed with him longer...yet you imply she is so stupid and don't udnerstand why she has put up with this guy yet you did the same thing. Got it. You sound like a person who can't see any fault in yourself and will put blame on everyone else. Oh and you probably should have been on birth control if you were 17 (do teenagers really think they can't get pregnant? Bogggles my mind) and you probably shouldn't have slept with him so soon inot the relationship but what's done is done I guess. At least you seem to have learnt a lesson from it and will hopefully teach your daughter not to do the same things you did. .
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by Weird OK so basically she has done the same thing you have except has stayed with him longer...yet you imply she is so stupid and don't udnerstand why she has put up with this guy yet you did the same thing. Got it. No that isn't it at all. When I was with him, I didn't kid myself that it was healthy. I didn't tell people that he was perfect. I didn't tell people that he didn't hit me. I didn't lie to anyone for him. I made a lot of mistakes which I have learnt from and actioned. She lies for him and not just to herself and family but to law inforcement....which she used to me one of. You sound like a person who can't see any fault in yourself and will put blame on everyone else. I stupidly fell pregnant at a young age, but I stepped up to my responsibilities and moved on with my life. If my daughter had been left in his care she most likely wouldn't have been alive today and yet they continue to pretend as if they have done nothing wrong and that they aren't a risk to my daughter. I know what I did wrong and I slapped myself about. Oh and you probably should have been on birth control if you were 17 (do teenagers really think they can't get pregnant? Bogggles my mind) and you probably shouldn't have slept with him so soon inot the relationship but what's done is done I guess. At least you seem to have learnt a lesson from it and will hopefully teach your daughter not to do the same things you did. I am looking for something that can help me understand what I am feeling and why, not someone to point out the ****ing obvious!
Just Visiting Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Could it be that you are angry because the father of your child is an abuser? And it is like he is getting away with it by abusing more women? The wounds of abuse last for a long time and it appears that you are still hurting from those wounds. If you haven't already, seek counselling and learn to forgive yourself for getting involved with him. Although I wasn't in an abusive relationship, I know what it is like to constantly beat yourself up for getting involved with a hurtful person.
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by Just Visiting Could it be that you are angry because the father of your child is an abuser? And it is like he is getting away with it by abusing more women? The wounds of abuse last for a long time and it appears that you are still hurting from those wounds. That really hit a sensitive spot. By him doing the same thing to another woman means that he is being allowed to treat people like that and it is seen as okay. What he did to me wasn't okay and he didn't get justice for it. Now he has done to it someone else and I fear that this woman isn't able to stand up to him and inturn stand up for this poor innocent child like I was able too. If people let him get away with doing this to two adults, what do you think he will do to two innocent children?
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Well, at least I now kinda understand why I feel the way I do. I feel a lot better
Just Visiting Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Justice comes in many forms. I totally understand your anger. Like everyone else has said, be thankful that you are out of that situation. And you stood up for yourself and your child. Unfortunately, there are many women who feel they are TOTALLY powerless, and allow themselves to be mistreated. Again, seek counselling to hash out all those thoughts and feelings.
GirlDown Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 seems like your problem is jealousy, not a sense of utter injustice. get over it. don't worry about what he's doing other than how he treats your child. everything else is his business, and the business of the girl he is now with. she knows the risks, she's taking them, anyway--it is out of your hands. good luck.
Kat Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by GirlDown seems like your problem is jealousy, not a sense of utter injustice. get over it. don't worry about what he's doing other than how he treats your child. everything else is his business, and the business of the girl he is now with. she knows the risks, she's taking them, anyway--it is out of your hands. good luck. If you didn't know what I had gone through, I can see where you would come to that conclusion. Someone has to stop the cycle and I did my part, lets see if she stops it, or keeps it going forever.
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