Protein Shake Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Ok so here's the deal guys. I've always been taught to be the man, an alpha, a leader and so on and so forth. When I was younger, I made a lot of the common dating mistakes, being too eager, confessing feelings too early, not teasing, being needy etc. However, that's not longer an issue for me. These days, I sort of act like a player would; kind of like a jerk, tease girls a lot, bust on them, get them to confess feelings to me and be the dominant one in the relationship. My current GF and I have been together 5 months; we are both 27 and at this age I'm looking for something long term, possibly marriage. I'd say her looks are a 6-7/10 but her personality is def a 10/10. On my end, not to be cocky, but I'm a very good looking guy; I'd say 8-9/10. My personality is also extremely similar to hers which is why we click so well.. There was initially a power struggle in the relationship; she won't take **** and neither will I; however, somehow I held my ground and in a few months, she became the submissive one and I became the dominator. She hasn't told me she loves me yet, but she does get very affectionate; she tells me she likes me a lot, we hang out nearly everyday and shes mostly always happy around me. I still tease her a lot. The problem is, yesterday she was really upset that I never answer her directly; that I play games and somehow get her to confess her feelings and secrets while I just kind of brush it off with a cheeky smile. I basically play the mysterious guy card. She thinks I'm too "mean" to her and she said that yesterday was the second time that I said she was pretty. On the flip side, when I say things like "we are perfect together babe aren't we?" Or something that most guys say, she gets weirded out and has even said it's weird when I talk that way. I'm not sure what to do; if I start acting all emotional and stuff, I feel like it will drive her away; on the flip side, if I keep acting the way I've been acting since the beginning, I fear she may leave as well; though thus far she hasn't left. Teasing is very important in a relationship. I've only had success with women being "kinda a jerk" as opposed to the nice guy. I don't know how I can really be this way around her without stopping that. What do you guys think? -Protein Shake P.S. Sorry for wall of text
happywithlife Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I think you need to take the time to evaluate what you want a long-term relationship to look like! Relationships are not built on teasing. A bit of teasing can be fun, especially as a way in the beginning of a relationship to let the person know you are interested in them. But, IMO its the nice guys that win in the long run if you're looking for a long-term relationship/marriage. Long term relationships are built on trust, friendship, respect and last long term because you add in the romance - telling and showing the person how much you appreciate them (both people need to do this)! I hate to sound mean, but the amount you talk about teasing and being alpha and dominant, you might do better getting a dog. Women are equal to men. 2
Woggle Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 If she thinks it's weird when you show affection keep being cold or find a new woman. She has dropped plenty of hints about who she really is. 2
Mrlonelyone Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Let me ask you, are you a natural game player or did you learn to act that way to attract a certain kind of woman? Women who have problems with real emotional intimacy. You offered women you liked emotional intimacy as a younger man and were hurt by those women. You took that lesson to be don't be emotionally intimate. There was something wrong with you for wanting an honest relationship.* It may be there was something wrong with them. Now you want emotional honesty from someone who tells you it's wierd that you say you like them? It's not like you're saying ILY... it just "liking". Have you had some degree of physical intimacy? I can only think of someone acting that way if they really don't like you at all. Let alone being an SO. TLDR; *The truth is there was never anything wrong with you for wanting honest intimacy. It is the healthy thing to do. Perhaps not when you first meet someone but months into a relationship it should be ok to at least admit to actually liking your GF. There may be something wrong with them, not you. Find a grown woman who has done the work to really grow out of fearing adult emotional intimacy. Either she fears intimacy or she does not consider your relationship as being something all that serious. If this goes on another couple of months for sure drop her. Don't waste your prime years on someone who still wants to relate like their in high school.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 Seems to me that for a 27 year old man still acting like a teenager, you need to start growing up. When you said that she's a 6 or 7 out of 10 and your an 8 or 9, you must have a full length mirror in each room. If she's not one to back down might be that the girl was taught to have values and not to roll over for anyone. Good luck. 1
Author Protein Shake Posted July 20, 2013 Author Posted July 20, 2013 If she thinks it's weird when you show affection keep being cold or find a new woman. She has dropped plenty of hints about who she really is. She says its only weird because she's not used to me speaking that way, I've always been the indifferent, carefree type and so shes just not used to it. She accepts it and likes when I say it. Let me ask you, are you a natural game player or did you learn to act that way to attract a certain kind of woman? Women who have problems with real emotional intimacy. You offered women you liked emotional intimacy as a younger man and were hurt by those women. You took that lesson to be don't be emotionally intimate. There was something wrong with you for wanting an honest relationship.* It may be there was something wrong with them. Now you want emotional honesty from someone who tells you it's wierd that you say you like them? It's not like you're saying ILY... it just "liking". Have you had some degree of physical intimacy? I can only think of someone acting that way if they really don't like you at all. Let alone being an SO. TLDR; *The truth is there was never anything wrong with you for wanting honest intimacy. It is the healthy thing to do. Perhaps not when you first meet someone but months into a relationship it should be ok to at least admit to actually liking your GF. There may be something wrong with them, not you. Find a grown woman who has done the work to really grow out of fearing adult emotional intimacy. Either she fears intimacy or she does not consider your relationship as being something all that serious. If this goes on another couple of months for sure drop her. Don't waste your prime years on someone who still wants to relate like their in high school. We have done everything you can think of, sex in cars, the beach, my house, her house, her car, dining table etc. For my birthday she got me all this stuff and took me out to a REALLY nice dinner. She talks to her friends about me and says good things... I just think she is afraid of being in love? She was cheated on in the past and she said ever since then, she's been kind of cold. She has since let go, but just needs time. As for being a natural with women... no; I used to be pretty emotional and stuff back in high school; I was cheated on by a 2 year girlfriend and it made me realize that I needed to drastically improve my game with women; and so I practiced, talked to a TON of women, dated a ton and got a lot of experience; I can say now that women aren't an issue in my life; however, a relationship is a whole nother ball game.
Mrlonelyone Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 As for being a natural with women... no; I used to be pretty emotional and stuff back in high school; I was cheated on by a 2 year girlfriend and it made me realize that I needed to drastically improve my game with women; and so I practiced, talked to a TON of women, dated a ton and got a lot of experience; I can say now that women aren't an issue in my life; however, a relationship is a whole nother ball game. That's exactly the problem my friend. Game is for high school and relatively immature college age relationships, and perhaps young adults who aren't trying to have a really permanent relationship. You want a relationship where you are free to love your woman in every way. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, ... you want to be able to say it and not be called weird for saying it. You want to say it and have them like that you said it and say it back. Like others have said. Ask yourself what you want in a relationship and if this woman can give it to you. Suppose you marry this woman? Do you want to spend your life being called weird for saying you like your wife?
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