Cakemix Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 I have been married for a little over a year. When I first met my husband I liked him. He was different from every other man I've known. As time went on he proposed, and we got married the following year. Through it all I always questioned my feelings. I wondered if I love him because I do, or if I love him because he's "different," and I didn't want to lose that. However, my feelings have always been strong for another man. That man came back into my life a few months ago. We've been sneaking around and the more I see him the stronger my feelings become. When the other guy started hassling me to leave my husband, I realized this wasn't a game. Then it hit me... I wasn't prepared to leave my husband for many things. My heart belongs to the other guy, but my head belongs to my husband. I know he would make the better man for me. Not because of everything he has done for me, but he's sweet, caring, honest, and everything a woman would want in a man. Still, I can't get past my love. I searched for answers, I cried, I even tried not to contact the other guy. Nevertheless, if I don't hear the other guy's voice I always feel miserable... Sort of like I let my love go. We connect on every level. Sexually, mentally, spiritually. A matter of fact, I feel closer to him, more than my husband. Stuff I can't talk to my husband about, I can talk to him. I know now this is beyond lust... I am in love with him, and he's in love with me. But I believe in marriage and sticking it through. I believe in what the bible says about marriage. Perhaps I'm being a little unrealistic, but I worry about my soul. I want to do right, but at the same time I'm not happy. Moreover, I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Should I put my feelings aside, even if it makes me miserable, and stick with my marriage? Should I tell my husband? This is killing me. I wish I could make everybody happy, and the time is coming where I have to make a choice. I'm sad because I don't want to hurt my husband, and I'm sad I can't be with the other guy. I'm tired of crying and feeling depressed.
immoralist Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I wish I could make everybody happy, and the time is coming where I have to make a choice. I'm sad because I don't want to hurt my husband, and I'm sad I can't be with the other guy. I'm tired of crying and feeling depressed. The affair is starting to bite back. Judgment day is approaching as you play the roles of faithful spouse and passionate lover. Continue slouching towards marital Armageddon, I guarantee that, when the dust clears, you'll be neither wife nor lover. All you will have are memories of love lost, vows betrayed and promises broken. Right now it appears that you're addicted to your OM. You need to hear his voice, to talk to him, to touch him and have him touch you. Otherwise, you start spiraling down as you sink into OM-withdrawal. Your body needs your OM, but your head is telling you something different. Listen to your head: End the affair and try to re-connect with your husband. It won't be easy; the task, in fact, is daunting. But try you must if you're going to be able to look yourself in the mirror each morning. Sometimes, however, intimacy lost with a betrayed spouse is gone for good. But you'll never know as long as the OM is your lover, and your husband, a room mate. End the affair, go cold turkey and focus on your wounded marriage. Try to comfort your husband and heal the wounds. And just hope the wounds aren't fatal. Good luck.
Nosmas Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 But I believe in marriage and sticking it through. I believe in what the bible says about marriage. Perhaps I'm being a little unrealistic, but I worry about my soul. I want to do right, but at the same time I'm not happy. Moreover, I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Should I put my feelings aside, even if it makes me miserable, and stick with my marriage? Should I tell my husband? The Bible, written over 2000 years says alot about marriage that has nothing to do with today's reality. Moreover, you CANNOT "put your feelings aside." Aside where? In the attick? They will be with you forever. BTW: Sinner, liked the little Armeggedon analogy to marriage's end.
DazednConfused Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Try to remember....seldom can the lover replace the spouse, but almost always, the spouse can replace the lover. -Dazed
immoralist Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 BTW: Sinner, liked the little Armeggedon analogy to marriage's end Thanks, Nosmas. In the best of circumstances, marriage ain't easy. We know that, now, don't we.
bluechocolate Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I'm surprised at your contradictions here. You profess enough faith & belief in the bible to not want a divorce yet you went ahead and married a man even though you were questioning your feelings towards him. You say that you believe in marriage & sticking in through yet you've been unfaithful to your husband in the first year of your marriage. And this other guy is hassling you to leave your husband. Given what you said about your belief in marriage & the bible what does this tell you about the character of this other man who is willing to break up a marriage? You should be honest with your husband. At this point your marriage is a sham & by your own admission it always has been. If you want to do the right thing then your husband deserves to know exactly how you feel and what you've been up to behind his back. In reality it sounds to me that you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Whatever YOUR beliefs are your husband deserves to have a marriage with a woman who loves him & is capable of being faithful to him in mind, body and soul.
Author Cakemix Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate know exactly how you feel and what you've been up to behind his back. In reality it sounds to me that you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I know I got married too young -- At the age of 21. I guess I wasn't ready, but the idea of being Mrs.... excited me at that time. At the time my parents sort of pressured me to marry this guy because he's successful. I love him, I really do ... but somehow I feel that we were never compatible, and I didn't want to let a good thing go. I know I am being selfish...
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