TaylorBe Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 So I’m pretty much over being stuck on my ex. I have moved on in every capacity of my life and I don’t want him back but my dating options are pretty much nonexistent at the moment (I live in the suburbs and have a pretty high position at work so I rarely come across single young professional men in my daily routine). Because of this I constantly find myself thinking whether or not I made the right decision. Then I convince myself again that I did and a few weeks pass with absolutely no potential dating options around and the cycle repeats. My girls and people from forums keep telling me that it’s my fault that I haven’t moved on because I haven’t let him go and I keep thinking about him. I would agree that I do think about him too much and yes I’m working on that. I’ve done everything people suggested and it only cut back my thinking when I’m busy (working, hanging with friend, team sports, training, or anything else I do for the 12+ hours I’m not at home lol) but as soon as I have down (2-3hrs/day) 80% of my thoughts are me convincing myself over & over again that I made the right decision by walking away from him. When I ask people how long were they completely over there ex before dating someone new they can’t seem to answer the questions. They just give me responses like you’ll know when you’re ready to date but not a direct answer to the question. I think the reason is; they were never truly over there ex… well at least not in the capacity that they think I should be over mines. I’m no longer hurt by the situation, I’m not angry with him anymore, and I have accepted the fact that he just don’t want to be with me right now and I am not willing to wait for him to be ready. With that said I’m over him emotionally but mentally I still wonder if I made the right decision or if I will be strong enough not to go back the next time he pursues (he pursues from time to time but so far no back slips). And honestly I think the only reasons I am having these thoughts is because I don’t have anyone (a man) to entertain me or to think about during my down time So I guess my questions to the group are: Has anyone been able to get over there ex physically, emotionally and mentally without meeting someone new? If so what is your definition of being over your ex? How long were you over them before dating someone new…a week, months, years?
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I think in a way you are over him! Just because you miss someones companionship, etc does not necessarily mean you are still hung up on him I think people say to 'wait' until you know you're over the person because doing it too early can be really painful. I went on a few dates and hooked up with someone much too quickly after I was dumped. After each date I came home and cried, and I still regret the hookup. It made me feel AWFUL and vulnerable and weak. It made me miss my ex and want to reach out and tell him "You're the one, i don't want to do this" That's what the issue is with doing it too soon. I think if you feel the way you say you feel, you are ready. It also depends on what kind of person you are. I will NOT need the comfort or entertainment of a man to distract me simply because I've never needed that. I've always comforted myself and until I feel okay on my own, I know I'm not ready to be with someone else.
Author TaylorBe Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I think in a way you are over him! Just because you miss someones companionship, etc does not necessarily mean you are still hung up on him I think people say to 'wait' until you know you're over the person because doing it too early can be really painful. I went on a few dates and hooked up with someone much too quickly after I was dumped. After each date I came home and cried, and I still regret the hookup. It made me feel AWFUL and vulnerable and weak. It made me miss my ex and want to reach out and tell him "You're the one, i don't want to do this" That's what the issue is with doing it too soon. I think if you feel the way you say you feel, you are ready. It also depends on what kind of person you are. I will NOT need the comfort or entertainment of a man to distract me simply because I've never needed that. I've always comforted myself and until I feel okay on my own, I know I'm not ready to be with someone else. I truly appreciate your response...I guess I'm more concerned with wether or not people actually get over there ex before dating someone new...Have you ever been able to do that or do you get to a point when your ready to date and dating the new person helps rid you of the last bits of connection to your ex?
JDPT Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I'm not certain that it's a requirement to be "completely" over your ex in order for you to start playing the field again. It should be encouraged, going out meeting new people going on dates. Clearly, when you go out on a date with someone that does not mean he is the one, you are merely distracting your brain and putting those thoughts to rest at least for that moment. My ex broke up with me a little over two months ago and since then I have slept with two women and to be honest they did not mean anything to me. It's as if having sex with them didn't help or made things worst, it just did not do the trick for me. I guess I should take a different approach and start going out on real dates, where I actually get to have long talks and get to know the person rather than a quick hookup.
Author TaylorBe Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I'm not certain that it's a requirement to be "completely" over your ex in order for you to start playing the field again. It should be encouraged, going out meeting new people going on dates. Clearly, when you go out on a date with someone that does not mean he is the one, you are merely distracting your brain and putting those thoughts to rest at least for that moment. My ex broke up with me a little over two months ago and since then I have slept with two women and to be honest they did not mean anything to me. It's as if having sex with them didn't help or made things worst, it just did not do the trick for me. I guess I should take a different approach and start going out on real dates, where I actually get to have long talks and get to know the person rather than a quick hookup. I agree its not an requirement to be over your ex to date. the point I am trying to make is folks keeping telling me I'm not over my ex because I still think about him and I still have a bit of anxiety around the situation. The point I'm trying to make is folks expect me to be 100% over him without dating someone new and I am just wondering if that is even possible seeing how I havent met anyone yet thats has gotten over the ex without dating someone new
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I truly appreciate your response...I guess I'm more concerned with wether or not people actually get over there ex before dating someone new...Have you ever been able to do that or do you get to a point when your ready to date and dating the new person helps rid you of the last bits of connection to your ex? I'd say a bit of both. In some cases I've just found myself completely over my ex, and still single. These are usually when I was the dumper. But yes, sometimes it can help get rid of the last bit of connection and give you the FINAL push to move on. I think that if you are using dating or other people to get over your ex, you are NOT ready to be dating or seeing other people. But, if you start dating someone and realize that that has gotten rid of the last bit of connection, that's fine!
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 it's always helped me move on, to something light, to a bit of intrigue, not looking for or expecting any outing to become Romeo and Juliet, but look, if you are totally unhappy and stay in a lot, please talk to somebody who knows you well, depression is not uncommon but is a demon to live with
Author TaylorBe Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I'd say a bit of both. In some cases I've just found myself completely over my ex, and still single. These are usually when I was the dumper. But yes, sometimes it can help get rid of the last bit of connection and give you the FINAL push to move on. I think that if you are using dating or other people to get over your ex, you are NOT ready to be dating or seeing other people. But, if you start dating someone and realize that that has gotten rid of the last bit of connection, that's fine! Thanks I dont think I'm over my ex then cause I just cant get rid of the last bit of connection I have to him and I was hoping dating would be the solution or at least keep me strong enough not to go back to him when he persues. I've been good so far but with no options around its getting harder to stand my ground . The relationship was 3 months and we've been done for almost 7 months now with only a week of LC and the rest complete NC. I'm just trying to figure out why I cant seem to just be done with him 100%. At this point I need to be over him so I dont have to be anxiuos about falling for him when he pursues or sad when he doesnt.
tbf Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Has anyone been able to get over there ex physically, emotionally and mentally without meeting someone new?Yes. If so what is your definition of being over your ex?If you can imagine them having sex with someone else and feeling indifferent to it. How long were you over them before dating someone new…a week, months, years?Variable time lines with variable exes.
Author TaylorBe Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 it's always helped me move on, to something light, to a bit of intrigue, not looking for or expecting any outing to become Romeo and Juliet, but look, if you are totally unhappy and stay in a lot, please talk to somebody who knows you well, depression is not uncommon but is a demon to live with I'm actually the complete oppsitie I have an overly busy life especially since the break up 7 months ago. I've made tons of new friends, joined the swim team and became a triathelete on top of my already busy hectic professonal and social life. But at the end of the day those things keep me busy but they dont stop me from being lonely when I'm home alone at night or on the days all my friends are busy with there partners or dating. So yes I'm a social butterfly but I also go home alone eveynight but when I was with him we both go home together at the end of the night...I guess I just missing having someone to come home to. If anything I would say I'm lonely but not depressed.
xilver Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I'm still not over my ex from three years ago. The first year was tough. I dated a couple times but nobody could compare so I stopped. Eventually after a year or so I started having sex again and told myself I was ready to get in another rel. I finally met another girl two years after the break up who I actually had some interest in. But again the whole time I was comparing her to the ex. I ended up falling in love with this new girl, but could never completely shake the thoughts about the ex. A month or so ago me and the new girl broke up and now I find myself hurting from the new girl and wanting her back, but then I think if I am going to put that much effort into it then I should see about the old ex. It's very confusing to me. So ya I guess what I'm saying is that maybe you are never completely over someone you truly loved, even if you do find love again.
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I'm actually the complete oppsitie I have an overly busy life especially since the break up 7 months ago. I've made tons of new friends, joined the swim team and became a triathelete on top of my already busy hectic professonal and social life. But at the end of the day those things keep me busy but they dont stop me from being lonely when I'm home alone at night or on the days all my friends are busy with there partners or dating. So yes I'm a social butterfly but I also go home alone eveynight but when I was with him we both go home together at the end of the night...I guess I just missing having someone to come home to. If anything I would say I'm lonely but not depressed. do stuff, more stuff than this, where there are a lot of men?
Leegh Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Yes, I have gotten over someone without meeting someone new, but it has taken me sometimes a couple of years to get over a serious relationship. My definition of being over someone is when I have not thought about him for a day, and then when a few days goes by when I don't think of him, I am making progress. Try to just take a day at a time, and your feelings for him will wear off. Obviously, most thoughts are controlled by our brains, so I think it is basically a type of withdrawal , as I think romantic love can be an addiction. Please don't make the mistake that I have made, and try not to look him up on Facebook, etc., as it just brings back a lot of memories.
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) Wait? You only dated for 3 months and are still thinking about him a lot 7 months later? That's not good. I think what's holding you back is you haven't been distracted or had any male company, so of course you're going to think of your last person. I was w/my ex off/on for 1.4 years. She broke up with me 7 weeks ago for the 2nd or third time. I was in pain for a couple of weeks then pulled myself up, got on some dating sites and started dating again. I've slept with several and dated two different ones for a couple of weeks. I've been seeing the same girl now for two weeks who I really like. When someone says they don't want me in their life, that's strong language. She'll never hear from me again and I know she's already regretted her decision and probably still is. Do I still think about her? Yes, but I think it's natural at only 7 weeks. When I first started dating, I dreaded running into her in a bar. Now, I could care less if I ran into her though she'd be ignored. Edited July 19, 2013 by aloneinaz
Ashlaria Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Hey there. I watched a rather bad Matthew McConaughy film called 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' in this bad remake of A Christmas Carol was a gem of a line. One of the good guys says "I think you only really get over somebody when you find somebody else that you care about more" I totally believe this and it has been a clear pattern in my life. I hope this helps answer your original question. Good luck with finding that somebody else
Phoe Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't think you need a "next" to get over the ex. I was single for 6 years between my previous 2 relationships, but I was totally OVER the first of those 2 in about 6 months. No "next" to help me take my mind off him. I just stopped caring as I moved on with life. 2
Nicoleiia Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I don't think you need a "next" to get over the ex. I was single for 6 years between my previous 2 relationships, but I was totally OVER the first of those 2 in about 6 months. No "next" to help me take my mind off him. I just stopped caring as I moved on with life. I agree. After a while, little details about them start to slip away and then one day you wake up, and you're not thinking about them anymore. Time has a way of healing the pain and letting you forget. Its not really necessary to move on to the next person in order to forget the last person. 1
Phoe Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I agree. After a while, little details about them start to slip away and then one day you wake up, and you're not thinking about them anymore. Time has a way of healing the pain and letting you forget. Its not really necessary to move on to the next person in order to forget the last person. I loved the moment when I realized "oh my god... it's been WEEKS since I even THOUGHT about him!!"
Echo000 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 ^^omg i cant even imagine getting to one full day without thinking of my ex. she has been in my mind at some point every single day for over two years now, since i first met her. Since the break up and final goodbye, i think about her now more than ever
supaflyz Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 I got over my ex without anyone new. I was without her before so I could do the same after.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 So I’m pretty much over being stuck on my ex. I have moved on in every capacity of my life and I don’t want him back but my dating options are pretty much nonexistent at the moment (I live in the suburbs and have a pretty high position at work so I rarely come across single young professional men in my daily routine). Because of this I constantly find myself thinking whether or not I made the right decision. Then I convince myself again that I did and a few weeks pass with absolutely no potential dating options around and the cycle repeats. My girls and people from forums keep telling me that it’s my fault that I haven’t moved on because I haven’t let him go and I keep thinking about him. I would agree that I do think about him too much and yes I’m working on that. I’ve done everything people suggested and it only cut back my thinking when I’m busy (working, hanging with friend, team sports, training, or anything else I do for the 12+ hours I’m not at home lol) but as soon as I have down (2-3hrs/day) 80% of my thoughts are me convincing myself over & over again that I made the right decision by walking away from him. When I ask people how long were they completely over there ex before dating someone new they can’t seem to answer the questions. They just give me responses like you’ll know when you’re ready to date but not a direct answer to the question. I think the reason is; they were never truly over there ex… well at least not in the capacity that they think I should be over mines. I’m no longer hurt by the situation, I’m not angry with him anymore, and I have accepted the fact that he just don’t want to be with me right now and I am not willing to wait for him to be ready. With that said I’m over him emotionally but mentally I still wonder if I made the right decision or if I will be strong enough not to go back the next time he pursues (he pursues from time to time but so far no back slips). And honestly I think the only reasons I am having these thoughts is because I don’t have anyone (a man) to entertain me or to think about during my down time So I guess my questions to the group are: Has anyone been able to get over there ex physically, emotionally and mentally without meeting someone new? If so what is your definition of being over your ex? How long were you over them before dating someone new…a week, months, years? Sometimes it takes a while. Took me at least 6 months, but it's been a year and I haven't really looked for anyone. There was a girl I was into recently, but it didn't work out. Seeing someone new really doesn't have anything to do with it. You can still not be over an ex even after meeting new people.
Amelie1980 Posted July 20, 2013 Posted July 20, 2013 This may sound harsh but maybe you should stop being such a snob. Speaking of your "high position" at work and it stops you meeting professional young men. Why would it stop you. It sounds as if you are looking down your nose at people where in actual fact it doesn't matter what a man's job is if he is a decent hard working man who is able to support himself. Also notwithstanding your high position at work (what ever it may be) you constantly use "there" instead of "their" throughout your post. Perhaps remedial English and grammar classes would help you. Your employer will not be impressed should you make mistakes like that there.
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