selfpreservation Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 My son was in a relationship with a girl for 6 years, and were due to get married 3 months before they broke up. They had the most stable relationship and happiest I've ever seen, and truly loved each other. My son who used to be grumpy and withdrawn became happy and kind with her, and she became part of our family. They were so in love and their break up was a huge shock to everyone. They broke up because of an argument, then my son tried to contact her again to apologize but she had moved away. This was about 3 1/2 years ago, and he began dating a girl about two years ago (now living together). In this relationship he has become more angry and stressed and the girl doesn't seem to have any of the same views or values that he does. I was willing to give her a chance because it's my sons decision who he begins a relationship with but about 6 months ago she slept with an ex. My son forgave her and they continued their relationship. Then 3 months ago his ex-fiance came back into town and they bumped into each other (while he was on the way to mine) and spoke for a while. He walked in the door with the biggest smile on his face and seemed so happy. She's single apparently and is back to stay in town. In some ways I want him to leave his current gf, but I don't want to be the pushy mother who does this. I don't know if I'm demonizing the current gf because his ex-fiancee seemed so much better and was nicer towards me and the rest of his family and friends. Should I try and warn him about his gf, or should I let nature take it's course? I know I shouldn't interfere and that he is with her for some reason, but I don't want to see him get hurt. Sorry for the long message btw.
AllTooWell Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I think you are demonizing the new girl a bit and failing to understand some things about his ex-fiancee. She left him over an argument. After 6 YEARS. And never looked back? That's a HUGE crushing blow. Your son was probably really, really hurt by that. But most importantly that reveals a huge character flaw in his ex-fiancee. When the going gets tough, she gets going. Next, the things you've said about his new girlfriend are telling. She obviously hasn't treated him the way you would want your son to be treated. But you are in no place or position to tell him what he should do. I'm sure he is MORE than aware how happy he was with his ex-fiancee. I'm sure he's more than aware that he had a really strong love for her. He doesn't need you to remind him. It's not his job to chase after her, it's hers to come to him. If he gets the courage to do so, and reaches out to her, that's a whole other ball-game and again you should NOT intervene. I think you should let nature take its course. I feel like he will end this relationship on his own if things are meant to work out with his ex-fiancee. You warning him, etc will NOT work well and could create a fissure in your relationship with your son. If he comes to you for advice, then it's fair to say "I think you were happier with ex-fiancee." But until he brings it up, I don't think you should meddle. 1
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