USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Impossible. Part of the honeymoon phase is the excitement you get when just getting to know the person. The excitement when you learn new things about your partner that you enjoy. Perhaps. I merely speculate. EVERYONE will go to the comfortable stage. That isn't a bad thing. Just don't get TOO comfortable. Right. Too comfortable that you take the other person's love for granted. 1
therhythm Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Lemme tell you...knowing what I know now and having been with the same woman for nearly 14 years, if I had to do it all over again, I'd hold out for girls who had face, personality, boobs, ass, the whole nine. I'm talking every thing I want and then some. Because that is the one reason why I'm as happy as I am. Because there is not even the slightest iota of "I settled" in me...or my wife. We both got exactly want we wanted...and a whole lot more. Physically, mentally...we wouldn't change a thing. People talk about how the divorce rate is rising...what they fail to add is that people also live a lot longer...so there's more chance to grow tired of who you are with and want a divorce. Imagine spending 10 years with ONE woman. Just one. That's it. Now imagine it for 20 years. How about 30? No? Let's try 40 years now. You're only 25? Hell...lets make that 50 years. 50 years. One partner. That's it. You scared yet? That partner better be everything you've ever dreamed of. No settling. None of that growing to like the other person. Be as shallow as you want. Want it all. Get it all. If I could I would like this post 1 million times.... It basically explains success in a relationship vs failure.... One of the two settle? That is a time bomb ticking.... 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 If I could I would like this post 1 million times.... It basically explains success in a relationship vs failure.... One of the two settle? That is a time bomb ticking.... I 100% agree. But then people tell me that life is not a Disney movie Divorce rates are as high as they are because people settle.
KungFuJoe Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I also want to add that that "feeling" in your gut where you just don't feel "right" with someone....learn to trust that feeling. If you feel that you need to justify you staying with your partner...or making excuses for how they are. Or making compromises on core personality traits, such as "Oh, he's not as smart as I'd like but he's a REALLY nice guy"...then something isn't right. I strongly believe that, in order to survive the VERY long test of time, your partner not only needs to be what you truly desire...but he/she has to INSPIRE you. And I think there also needs to be a feeling of "I'm lucky to have her/him". Not in a sense that you're saying you don't deserve that person, but that you feel privileged that you were fortunate to meet and end up with someone that you hold in such high esteem. 3
Author MrCastle Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Be as shallow as you want. Want it all. Get it all. While that's a nice idea, the reason why we have so many people here upwards of late 20s and 30s still single wondering "what went wrong?" is for that very idea. Holding out for the perfect person. Maybe you and I just view human beings differently. If a girl has the chemistry and personality I desire, with a cute face to match. That's good enough for me. I'm not gonna say "well, no ass...that will pose a problem in the future, next!" I know a good thing when I see it. I'm not going to turn down a woman I feel is beautiful and has a killer personality, just because her breast size or butt size is not exactly what I hoped for. You continue to speak on these very specific, very rare situations and attempt to pass them off as common occurances. Your happy ending of finding the perfect soul mate is a nice one, but not a very realistic one. Edited July 21, 2013 by MrCastle
Author MrCastle Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 I 100% agree. But then people tell me that life is not a Disney movie Divorce rates are as high as they are because people settle. Or you could argue divorce rates are high because people expect too much. GIGS is a very real thing. If more people were happy with what they had as opposed to always trying to find someone/something better, maybe divorce isn't as high either. We could argue that point all day. 2
Author MrCastle Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 While that's a nice idea, the reason why we have so many people here upwards of late 20s and 30s still single wondering "what went wrong?" is for that very idea. Holding out for the perfect person. Maybe you and I just view human beings differently. If a girl has the chemistry and personality I desire, with a cute face to match. That's good enough for me. I'm not gonna say "well, no ass...that will pose a problem in the future, next!" I know a good thing when I see it. I'm not going to turn down a woman I feel is beautiful and has a killer personality, just because her breast size or butt size is not exactly what I hoped for. You continue to speak on these very specific, very rare situations and attempt to pass them off as common occurances. Your happy ending of finding the perfect soul mate is a nice one, but not a very realistic one. Although I want to add I do find your story enjoyable, and am happy for you.
skydiveaddict Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Where do you stand on the shallow argument? What do you consider shallow? Do you even believe in the notion of some people being shallow? I'm as shallow as they come. End of discussion. 2
Taramere Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 It's natural to want a partner who pleases your senses. Shallow would be if you're so taken up with that, that you can't see them as a person in their own right. It's silly to dismiss somebody as shallow just because they don't happen to feel a connection with you personally - but people do what preserves their own egos. It's also ego-preserving, however, to assume that if somebody calls you shallow it's because they feel in some way rejected by you. I think the defining aspect of narcissism is that the person's emotions are very shallow. Just because a person doesn't have strong emotions for me or you, doesn't mean they aren't capable of having strong emotions for somebody or something else. If they don't feel much for or about anything (little joy, little sadness) then they could be shallow, or they could be depressed as a result of being inclined to the opposite extreme, and suffering from emotional burn out. If somebody tells you they think you're shallow, but you know that you're capable of strong feelings of life enriching emotions (it doesn't matter what inspires them, what matters is that you're capable of them) then I think it's safe enough to treat their assessment as being off the mark.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I can't imagine anything worse than a relatinship that has NO honeymoon phase. And that's what happens when you date someone that you have no sexual attraction to (I have done it, never again). You missed the point... Im too tired from the hot weather to get into it.. You'll understand what I am talking about as you get older..And dont take that as an insult, because it isnt... TFY 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 You missed the point... Im too tired from the hot weather to get into it.. You'll understand what I am talking about as you get older..And dont take that as an insult, because it isnt... TFY That's what my parents tell me. But really, I am already older 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Or you could argue divorce rates are high because people expect too much. GIGS is a very real thing. If more people were happy with what they had as opposed to always trying to find someone/something better, maybe divorce isn't as high either. We could argue that point all day. The way I see it, there are 2 groups of people in this: 1. People that were happy with what they had at the start, but then once the newness wore off, they get GIGS and want the next excitement hit. 2. People that were never happy with what they had but entered into a relationship fully not feeling it and just wanted not to be single. Or felt it was time to get married. Group 2 is what I have a problem with and define as settling. I have tried doing number 2 and was miserable. As for number 1, it never happened. When I get feelings for someone I don't just lose them overnight. I also want to clarify that I don't get feelings over some physical criteria like; only guys over 6 feet or only 6 pack abs. It's how that person makes me feel as in their looks + personality + intelligence. It's the mix that makes me feel butterflies or not. And I am not going to enter in a relationship if I don't feel the butterflies. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Everyone would love to have the perfect scenario...Heck, who woulnt want someone who looks like J-Lo and is as loyal and good to you as your pet Labrador Retriever? Life isnt Fantasy Island... No one is saying anyone should settle for anything..But putting all your eggs in that one basket is going to lead to problems..So, shes sexually attractive and great in bed...Then you come to find out shes a lazy slob or you realize she is as dumb as a box of rocks and you cant talk to her about the most basic of things... Sex and that attraction is only a part of who we are..No one wants to be with someone they cant even bear to look at..But if you wind up with someone who fills that need and not much of anything else, you are eventually going to get tired of that... Also...People change with age...Some dramatically..Being in my 40's im probably older than a lot of the posters here so I can say this much..Recently I was at a funeral service for a high school friend who was tragically killed in a motorcycle wreck...Seeing all the people from HS, its amazing how different people look-especially the women..Most were unrecognizable..And not in a "good" way...I am not saying that to be mean or anything..Its just life..it happens to us all.. Or what if you get sick? What if the medication makes you gain 50 lbs and you are no longer sexy? Some women really change after having kids as well.. Do you want your SO to say something like.."Well, now that your body is shot from kids I no longer find you sexually attractive so Im outta here"..Because something like that can happen if too much stock is placed on this... Good luck everyone.. TFY Edited July 21, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 3
therhythm Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Or you could argue divorce rates are high because people expect too much. GIGS is a very real thing. If more people were happy with what they had as opposed to always trying to find someone/something better, maybe divorce isn't as high either. We could argue that point all day. Just a question... How do you become happy with something you are not happy with? If that is your way of thinking why not just settle with the first person who shows you interest? Just be happy with that person.... If he/she is not attractive or sexual compatible or personality compatible... Just be happy with it... We are people, not machines and we can't be programed to like what we don't like... If you settle for less than what you wanted you are are settling to fail. 1
Seductive Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 In all honesty I fail to see how this can be classified as shallow. Everyone should be with someone whom they are attracted to. You trying to date those without an attraction was not shallow IMO Thank you, but I've had a few people tell me to not care about looks and age. The same people that were telling me so were ironically guys that weren't my type or unhappily married female friends that are projecting themselves.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 (edited) Just a question... How do you become happy with something you are not happy with? If that is your way of thinking why not just settle with the first person who shows you interest? Just be happy with that person.... If he/she is not attractive or sexual compatible or personality compatible... Just be happy with it... We are people, not machines and we can't be programed to like what we don't like... If you settle for less than what you wanted you are are settling to fail. I hear what you are saying...however...you never had someone "grow" on you? Meaning that , eh, they may not be your first choice in terms of physical attraction or sexual magnetism but once you got to know them a bit better they became more "attractive" because of some other attributes that aren't immediately apparent? Be it sense of humor, wit, general demeanor?..Thats happened to me for sure.. Because I can tell you first hand that I have been with some women that are totally smoking hot and sexually killer on initial contact, yet turned out to be complete basket cases in every other area.... TFY Edited July 21, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 2
Seductive Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I hear what you are saying...however...you never had someone "grow" on you? Meaning that , eh, they may not be your first choice in terms of physical attraction or sexual magnetism but once you got to know them a bit better they became more "attractive" because of some other attributes that aren't immediately apparent? Be it sense of humor, wit, general demeanor?..Thats happened to me for sure.. TFY This can happen. Absolutely. For me, it had to be with a person that I didn't find repulsive. There was one man that I thought was good-looking, but he didn't turn me on instantly. It took a few meetings to then start to feel sexual attraction once I got to know his personality. He was a deep thinker, a great conversationalist, and knew how to charm. It's possible for a good-looking person to turn you off, if they start to become too mean, suffocating, clingy, etc. 2
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 I hear what you are saying...however...you never had someone "grow" on you? Meaning that , eh, they may not be your first choice in terms of physical attraction or sexual magnetism but once you got to know them a bit better they became more "attractive" because of some other attributes that aren't immediately apparent? Be it sense of humor, wit, general demeanor?..Thats happened to me for sure.. Because I can tell you first hand that I have been with some women that are totally smoking hot and sexually killer on initial contact, yet turned out to be complete basket cases in every other area.... TFY Don't I know that one for a fact. Far too often for my liking.
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Thank you, but I've had a few people tell me to not care about looks and age. The same people that were telling me so were ironically guys that weren't my type or unhappily married female friends that are projecting themselves. Always care about looks. I don't necessarily mean that they MUST be a 10 in order for you to date them(that's your prerogative if you do) but some attraction is a must otherwise things will most likely not last long. Age as well is an individual preference and I don't find that shallow either.
Pyro Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Right. Too comfortable that you take the other person's love for granted. And/or causing things to become too routine and boring. That is one of the places where the GIG issue can start from.
Weezy1973 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Being shallow is something that can bring people together. It can be a value that couples share and makes their relationship stronger as they both put time and effort into those superficial traits that they find attractive in each other. It would be more difficult if one was searching to be loved for their core personality traits and who they are on the inside, while at the same time only are attracted to people that hold certain superficial qualities. If both people in a relationship are shallow, that's a value that they share. Shared values are important in long term relationships. 2
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Being shallow is something that can bring people together. It can be a value that couples share and makes their relationship stronger as they both put time and effort into those superficial traits that they find attractive in each other. It would be more difficult if one was searching to be loved for their core personality traits and who they are on the inside, while at the same time only are attracted to people that hold certain superficial qualities. If both people in a relationship are shallow, that's a value that they share. Shared values are important in long term relationships. That's usually what happens though. If two people that find each other hot and that's all there is, then it's their prerogative. I'm not sure how that kind of relationship would last if that's all that is there, but it's not really my problem is it, since I'm not that kind of person and I don't want to be with that kinda person. 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Just a question... How do you become happy with something you are not happy with? If that is your way of thinking why not just settle with the first person who shows you interest? Just be happy with that person.... If he/she is not attractive or sexual compatible or personality compatible... Just be happy with it... We are people, not machines and we can't be programed to like what we don't like... If you settle for less than what you wanted you are are settling to fail. No, we're not machines, but you're making the assumption that someone that isn't physically attractive to one would automatically make one unhappy. I know some people that are with people that aren't attractive to them, but because they're a good person and the kind of person they want mentally, they have grown to love them. It's all up to you. Basically, in these situations, if you find someone doesn't like you for how you look, or who you are...don't let it be a blow to your ego. Just take it as they weren't for you and find someone else. 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 10 characters Did you measure out how many letters you could fit without it being too short of a post?
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