JDPT Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) I've been thinking deeply where this anger stems from yes I said anger not missing or love. Day in and day out I see posters on LS who are genuinely in pain to the point that I feel their pain in the flesh. I however, only feel anger and resentment which ultimately turns into pain, but not pain because of a lost love but pain of her being in a "better place" by getting rid of her liability who as she saw was me. I miss the sex we had, I miss showing her off as she is gorgeous, possibly the most beautiful girlfriend as yet. However, nothing beyond that. I don't reminisce on the cute little moments we had or maybe I do, I'm just not sure anymore. Was I truly in love? all the crazy things I did for her may indicate that I was in love but I'm just not sure anymore if I truly was. I'm angry at her finding a better looking guy, I'm angry at her finding someone who is more solvent, I'm angry at her finding someone who will screw her brains out in bed (although we had damn good sex together), I'm angry at her being successful in life, I'm angry at me thinking she is having a grand time with her new found freedom, I'm angry at her possibly being able to deal with her days much better than I do, I'm angry at her not having to wake up in the middle of the night and feel pain. It feels like I got the raw end of the deal. I molded myself to be someone she wanted, so many commitments, so many sacrifices made mostly on my end wtf was I thinking? And after 5 years, with absolutely no mercy she decided to dump me so abruptly. I think that's what makes me upset, her making the decision to simply get rid of me regardless of her saying how "painful, and excruciation the decision was." I've heard so many stories where people would disclose to me that they have been used one way or another and I never could related to their situation, however, with this experience I know now what the definition of feeling used is. I need to released this bottled up anger. It's utterly detrimental and only perpetuates my current situation. So how do I let go of this anger? How do I let go of the feeling of being used? I feel like we are at war and she is the enemy. Edited July 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Philosoraptor Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 The only war you have is internal. If she doesn't care than you are fighting a ghost. Who cares what she is doing or what she has going on in her life? The only thing that matters now is where you steer your own life and the happiness you find by taking control of yourself. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 Are you in therapy of any kind? It sounds like it may help you cope and move on w/your life. People get dumped all the time. Hell, even Jennifer Aniston got dumped. It happens millions of times a week. Relationships run thier course. My ex ended it with me. That's her right. I don't want anyone to stay with me that's not 100% happy and if I had any balls, I would of ended it with her months ago. People have a right to end relationships. I've ended several and always tried to do it in the most compassionate way possible. As the above poster said, be angry at yourself to some degree that YOU'RE letting it bother you so much instead of moving on with your life. It sucks to be rejected but it happened and in all likelyhood, it will happen again. It's a part of life. It's up to US on how we decide to cope with it. 1
Author JDPT Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I've been in therapy and if I was without it I would probably deal with things in a more detrimental way. I have to let go, fully let go and let things be, as if she was nonexistent. I need to channel my energy towards my well being and future. As you said in the past, she doesn't want me in her life and I can't dwell or waste my time and energy over it. I'm not the exception and although it sucks I need to LET GO of these thoughts, just LET GO.
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I've been in therapy and if I was without it I would probably deal with things in a more detrimental way. I have to let go, fully let go and let things be, as if she was nonexistent. I need to channel my energy towards my well being and future. As you said in the past, she doesn't want me in her life and I can't dwell or waste my time and energy over it. I'm not the exception and although it sucks I need to LET GO of these thoughts, just LET GO. My man, I know it's hard.. I'm 7 weeks since break up and NC. It's hard to go from them being someone you talked to everyday, your best friend, lover, etc.. to them being GONE.. I still get "waves" of sadness and shock that hit me every few days. The OMG, it's really over thoughts.. Then I catch myself and realize that it's the right thing and you never know what tomorrow will bring. Plus, dating and attention from other women helps me A LOT.. I get it. But time, NC and moving on w/your life will cure you. If you're able to, spend time with other women. Being at home alone all the time isn't going to help you move on.
Author JDPT Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 I just got off the phone with my phone provider. I blocked her number from calls and text. Additionally, I market her email address as spam. Truth is I should have done this months ago but it gives me a sense of empowerment knowing that I'm proactively doing something to leave the pain in the past and mover forward to better things in life. And simply focus on myself rather than worrying about what is long gone. I need to flush out all the hate and bitterness is getting me nowhere fast. I'll eventually find someone who will appreciate me and provide me with the treatment I deserve.
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 I just got off the phone with my phone provider. I blocked her number from calls and text. Additionally, I market her email address as spam. Truth is I should have done this months ago but it gives me a sense of empowerment knowing that I'm proactively doing something to leave the pain in the past and mover forward to better things in life. And simply focus on myself rather than worrying about what is long gone. I need to flush out all the hate and bitterness is getting me nowhere fast. I'll eventually find someone who will appreciate me and provide me with the treatment I deserve. That's the spirit! We can't take this crap so seriously. Yes, it's painful and hurts but going NC will expedite your healing and blocking any way for her to contact you is great. You said on another thread that you've dated a bit. Keep doing it. Just enjoy the opposite sex company and don't compare, that's silly and a waste of time. Enjoy being out of the house and chatting with someone whether there's connection or not I'm 7 weeks NC since being dumped. I've dated for a month but agreed with this gal I'm seeing now to only see her to see where it goes. I had to take down or hide my profiles on two different sites. There was my ex, still online looking to replace me. Good luck honey!
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